so I tried that “just don’t sleep” method for making my 6 am flight and folks you’re not going to believe this but I’m physically seeing the horse that’s destined to kill me in 14 years

bill nye’s full name is william new years eve

simply
haaaaving
a very large glass of wine

if you don't neatly break down and fold all your cardboard boxes before depositing them in the designated cardboard box area you are lower than an animal in my estimation

It has been a, uh, difficult week but I have not laughed louder and harder at something in a very long time than at this.

Alright…I’m here.

The internet needs someone to scream. When modems stopped, we began.

The serenity prayer is way too long. God grant me the breakfast

In Bismarck for a show. Saw a wall that forbade kissing. Went to a restaurant that had a wall of kisses. We asked the waitress if it was a North Dakota thing and she looked aghast. “But there’s one across the street and one here,” we said. “That has nothing to do with ours,” she replied

The trick to garlic bread is to make at least 5 times too much of it then eat it all hunched over in the corner of the basement like a rat