If we have to redo the politics of the 1970s can we at least get a contemporary equivalent of Steely Dan

As sick and degenerate as New Yorkers are, even they wouldn’t elect a man named Andrew Cummo

🎯

for what it's worth i'd piss on you if you were on fire...

If someone attempted to make that Luka trade in NBA 2K the game would say “no way buddy”

Guys like joe rogan are funny because they still think smoking weed that they buy legally from places that look like an apple store makes them hunter s thompson

I’m exercising*

*doing jumping jacks outside so I don’t get hypothermia while smoking this joint

*running down the street trying to catch a cab, squeezing a baked potato straight out of the skin into my mouth like gogurt*

My cat, an idiot: Those ornaments look exactly like my toys. Why can’t I play with them?

Me, pinnacle of animals: That felt frog wearing a top hat is to celebrate The Lord

Probably the defining moment in Kraftwerk’s career was when they changed their name to Kraftwerk (from Uncle Horst and his Bratwurst Boys) and swapped their lederhosen and trombones for sharp suits and synthesisers

$100/night hotel: hi. we have you for 3 nights. checkout’s whenever. enjoy the 24 hour gym & pool that smell like chlorine & feet, in that order. unlimited breakfast - you can eat costco sausages til you die for all we care

$275/night hotel: OHHH, so his royal highness expects FREE WIFI, does he???