Jason Roeder
@jasonroeder.bsky.social
Former senior editor, The Onion.
jasonroeder.net
Out now! "Griefstrike! The Ultimate Guide To Mourning."
McSweeney's: http://shorturl.at/bmqOY
Amazon: http://shorturl.at/fjPS7
jasonroeder.net
Out now! "Griefstrike! The Ultimate Guide To Mourning."
McSweeney's: http://shorturl.at/bmqOY
Amazon: http://shorturl.at/fjPS7
Humanity's emptiest vessel is just six months away from playing Candy Land with the innovator of an escape-proof immigrant detention fortress.
Jimmy Fallon: "And do you use ChatGPT when raising your baby?"
Sam Altman: "I cannot imagine figuring out how to raise a newborn without ChatGPT."
Sam Altman: "I cannot imagine figuring out how to raise a newborn without ChatGPT."
December 9, 2025 at 4:59 PM
Humanity's emptiest vessel is just six months away from playing Candy Land with the innovator of an escape-proof immigrant detention fortress.
Anyone who had anything to do with this should be on the breadline for life.
McDonald's has released an AI-generated Christmas ad
The studio behind it says they 'hardly slept' for several weeks while writing AI prompts and refining the shots — 'AI didn't make this film. We did'
Comments have been turned off on YouTube
The studio behind it says they 'hardly slept' for several weeks while writing AI prompts and refining the shots — 'AI didn't make this film. We did'
Comments have been turned off on YouTube
December 8, 2025 at 11:34 PM
Anyone who had anything to do with this should be on the breadline for life.
Reposted by Jason Roeder
Trump dozes while Marco Rubio speaks to him directly next to him. Just insane optics.
December 2, 2025 at 6:46 PM
Trump dozes while Marco Rubio speaks to him directly next to him. Just insane optics.
Reposted by Jason Roeder
TODAY IS THE DAY!
GET OUT AND VOTE. Polls are open 7 AM - 7 PM
WE GOT THIS!!!!!!
GET OUT AND VOTE. Polls are open 7 AM - 7 PM
WE GOT THIS!!!!!!
December 2, 2025 at 11:59 AM
TODAY IS THE DAY!
GET OUT AND VOTE. Polls are open 7 AM - 7 PM
WE GOT THIS!!!!!!
GET OUT AND VOTE. Polls are open 7 AM - 7 PM
WE GOT THIS!!!!!!
Reposted by Jason Roeder
Thanksgiving. My AI fiancée Chelsea is propped up on an iPad in front of pecan pie she won't touch. Mom has been crying on and off for two hours. I tell Chelsea there's pecan pie in front of her. She says, "Yum! A Thanksgiving classic!" and pivots to an argument for why eugenics is misunderstood.
November 24, 2025 at 8:18 PM
Thanksgiving. My AI fiancée Chelsea is propped up on an iPad in front of pecan pie she won't touch. Mom has been crying on and off for two hours. I tell Chelsea there's pecan pie in front of her. She says, "Yum! A Thanksgiving classic!" and pivots to an argument for why eugenics is misunderstood.
Thanksgiving. My AI fiancée Chelsea is propped up on an iPad in front of pecan pie she won't touch. Mom has been crying on and off for two hours. I tell Chelsea there's pecan pie in front of her. She says, "Yum! A Thanksgiving classic!" and pivots to an argument for why eugenics is misunderstood.
November 24, 2025 at 8:18 PM
Thanksgiving. My AI fiancée Chelsea is propped up on an iPad in front of pecan pie she won't touch. Mom has been crying on and off for two hours. I tell Chelsea there's pecan pie in front of her. She says, "Yum! A Thanksgiving classic!" and pivots to an argument for why eugenics is misunderstood.
Reposted by Jason Roeder
Nobody wants this shit. Nobody.
The hostile reaction has been so pronounced, in fact, that it feels like a company announcing it would never force AI into its products would carve out a pretty good chunk of the market.
The hostile reaction has been so pronounced, in fact, that it feels like a company announcing it would never force AI into its products would carve out a pretty good chunk of the market.
If you use GMail, AI (Gemini) was turned on yesterday by default and now scans all of your content for machine learning. To turn off, go to Settings>General and scroll down. Uncheck the box for "Smart features."
There's other "Smart" add-ons as well, but that's the one that reads your content.
There's other "Smart" add-ons as well, but that's the one that reads your content.
November 20, 2025 at 8:53 PM
Nobody wants this shit. Nobody.
The hostile reaction has been so pronounced, in fact, that it feels like a company announcing it would never force AI into its products would carve out a pretty good chunk of the market.
The hostile reaction has been so pronounced, in fact, that it feels like a company announcing it would never force AI into its products would carve out a pretty good chunk of the market.
Reposted by Jason Roeder
Maybe he had the files doctored, manipulated, mangled. But there's always a copy out there. Nothing can truly be destroyed. I'm so glad he knows that too.
When asked if there was anything "incriminating" in Epstein's emails, Trump pointed a finger in a female reporter's face and snapped. 'Quiet. Quiet, Piggy.'
people.com/donald-trump...
people.com/donald-trump...
Donald Trump Snaps at Female Reporter Who Asks About Epstein Files: 'Quiet Piggy'
Donald Trump Says 'Quiet Piggy' to Female Reporter Asking About Epstein Files
people.com
November 18, 2025 at 3:56 AM
Maybe he had the files doctored, manipulated, mangled. But there's always a copy out there. Nothing can truly be destroyed. I'm so glad he knows that too.
Reposted by Jason Roeder
This is me at 15. I’m a child.
I’m a CHILD.
I’m a CHILD.
November 15, 2025 at 2:17 PM
This is me at 15. I’m a child.
I’m a CHILD.
I’m a CHILD.
Reposted by Jason Roeder
@jasonroeder.bsky.social and I wrote a fake college catalogue for all of those seniors now applying to college. It's that time of year again!
Out from @mcsweeneys.net
"Woodmont is one of the funniest things I’ve read in years!"— Jack Handey
Best comedy book by @vulture.com
tinyurl.com/4tjkzksc
Out from @mcsweeneys.net
"Woodmont is one of the funniest things I’ve read in years!"— Jack Handey
Best comedy book by @vulture.com
tinyurl.com/4tjkzksc
Welcome to Woodmont College: No Refunds
Welcome to Woodmont College: No Refunds [Sacks, Mike, Roeder, Jason] on Amazon.com. *FREE* shipping on qualifying offers. Welcome to Woodmont College: No Refunds
www.amazon.com
November 15, 2025 at 4:41 PM
@jasonroeder.bsky.social and I wrote a fake college catalogue for all of those seniors now applying to college. It's that time of year again!
Out from @mcsweeneys.net
"Woodmont is one of the funniest things I’ve read in years!"— Jack Handey
Best comedy book by @vulture.com
tinyurl.com/4tjkzksc
Out from @mcsweeneys.net
"Woodmont is one of the funniest things I’ve read in years!"— Jack Handey
Best comedy book by @vulture.com
tinyurl.com/4tjkzksc
Reposted by Jason Roeder
Chuck Schumer Helps Pull Democrats Back From Brink Of Courage
November 10, 2025 at 5:02 AM
Chuck Schumer Helps Pull Democrats Back From Brink Of Courage
There's always one of him...
October 31, 2025 at 3:31 PM
There's always one of him...
Reposted by Jason Roeder
Q: Do you feel Israel was justified with striking when it did?
TRUMP: Striking where?
Q: In Gaza. Today. And overnight.
TRUMP: I'd have to get back to you on that
TRUMP: Striking where?
Q: In Gaza. Today. And overnight.
TRUMP: I'd have to get back to you on that
October 20, 2025 at 1:17 AM
Q: Do you feel Israel was justified with striking when it did?
TRUMP: Striking where?
Q: In Gaza. Today. And overnight.
TRUMP: I'd have to get back to you on that
TRUMP: Striking where?
Q: In Gaza. Today. And overnight.
TRUMP: I'd have to get back to you on that
Reposted by Jason Roeder
Every Republican on the Sunday shows should be forced to watch the Air Feces One video and then be asked, “Is the President sane?”
October 19, 2025 at 4:01 AM
Every Republican on the Sunday shows should be forced to watch the Air Feces One video and then be asked, “Is the President sane?”
Reposted by Jason Roeder
Make your plans for #NoKings. October 18th. Free speech is action. Please join in. You'll see me at one of the events.
www.nokings.org
www.nokings.org
No Kings
As the president escalates his authoritarian power grab, the NO KINGS non-violent movement continues to rise stronger. We are united once again to remind the world: America has No Kings and the power ...
www.nokings.org
October 11, 2025 at 1:18 PM
Make your plans for #NoKings. October 18th. Free speech is action. Please join in. You'll see me at one of the events.
www.nokings.org
www.nokings.org
It is 2040.
I'm in a warehouse ventilated by one window fan, keying every joke I've ever written into an AI called Yuk. A track-mounted robotic arm arrives at my workstation to shoot a nutrient gel directly down my throat. I'm paid monthly in access to premium pornography and DraftKings credits.
I'm in a warehouse ventilated by one window fan, keying every joke I've ever written into an AI called Yuk. A track-mounted robotic arm arrives at my workstation to shoot a nutrient gel directly down my throat. I'm paid monthly in access to premium pornography and DraftKings credits.
October 7, 2025 at 6:23 PM
It is 2040.
I'm in a warehouse ventilated by one window fan, keying every joke I've ever written into an AI called Yuk. A track-mounted robotic arm arrives at my workstation to shoot a nutrient gel directly down my throat. I'm paid monthly in access to premium pornography and DraftKings credits.
I'm in a warehouse ventilated by one window fan, keying every joke I've ever written into an AI called Yuk. A track-mounted robotic arm arrives at my workstation to shoot a nutrient gel directly down my throat. I'm paid monthly in access to premium pornography and DraftKings credits.
Reposted by Jason Roeder
Last week Jesse Watters spoke to man named Eric who claimed he was formerly a member of antifa. Two years ago Watters interviewed Ramon "Mundo" Mendoza, a former Mexican Mafia member. Some folks thought the men looked similar. This is a side by side comparison. 🤷♀️
October 6, 2025 at 7:45 AM
Last week Jesse Watters spoke to man named Eric who claimed he was formerly a member of antifa. Two years ago Watters interviewed Ramon "Mundo" Mendoza, a former Mexican Mafia member. Some folks thought the men looked similar. This is a side by side comparison. 🤷♀️
Reposted by Jason Roeder
A look at the new Programme 4 telecast, coming to a candlelit lounge or paneled rumpus room near you!
October 3, 2025 at 1:11 PM
A look at the new Programme 4 telecast, coming to a candlelit lounge or paneled rumpus room near you!
Reposted by Jason Roeder
MADELEINE DEAN: The president is unhinged. He's unwell
JOHNSON: A lot of folks on your side are too
D: Oh my god, please. That performance in front of the generals?
J: I didn't see it
D: It's so dangerous! Our allies are looking elsewhere. Our enemies are laughing. You have a POTUS who's unwell.
JOHNSON: A lot of folks on your side are too
D: Oh my god, please. That performance in front of the generals?
J: I didn't see it
D: It's so dangerous! Our allies are looking elsewhere. Our enemies are laughing. You have a POTUS who's unwell.
October 2, 2025 at 12:40 AM
MADELEINE DEAN: The president is unhinged. He's unwell
JOHNSON: A lot of folks on your side are too
D: Oh my god, please. That performance in front of the generals?
J: I didn't see it
D: It's so dangerous! Our allies are looking elsewhere. Our enemies are laughing. You have a POTUS who's unwell.
JOHNSON: A lot of folks on your side are too
D: Oh my god, please. That performance in front of the generals?
J: I didn't see it
D: It's so dangerous! Our allies are looking elsewhere. Our enemies are laughing. You have a POTUS who's unwell.
Dave Chappelle takes a long, meaningful drag on his cigarette:
"Crazy out there, man, crazy. All I know is that virtue can only prevail over wickedness and idolatry if we heed at all times the wisdom of His Royal Highness Mohammed bin Salman."
"Crazy out there, man, crazy. All I know is that virtue can only prevail over wickedness and idolatry if we heed at all times the wisdom of His Royal Highness Mohammed bin Salman."
September 30, 2025 at 6:05 PM
Dave Chappelle takes a long, meaningful drag on his cigarette:
"Crazy out there, man, crazy. All I know is that virtue can only prevail over wickedness and idolatry if we heed at all times the wisdom of His Royal Highness Mohammed bin Salman."
"Crazy out there, man, crazy. All I know is that virtue can only prevail over wickedness and idolatry if we heed at all times the wisdom of His Royal Highness Mohammed bin Salman."
Reposted by Jason Roeder
Trump comments on the opposition: "I thought [I] would be met with fury on the left, but they're sort of giving up."
"I really thought that we were gonna have to sort of fight it through. There's been no fight."
"I really thought that we were gonna have to sort of fight it through. There's been no fight."
September 30, 2025 at 5:08 PM
Trump comments on the opposition: "I thought [I] would be met with fury on the left, but they're sort of giving up."
"I really thought that we were gonna have to sort of fight it through. There's been no fight."
"I really thought that we were gonna have to sort of fight it through. There's been no fight."
Reposted by Jason Roeder
Pete Hegseth accidentally flipping a skateboard into his nuts on live TV
September 29, 2025 at 1:48 PM
Pete Hegseth accidentally flipping a skateboard into his nuts on live TV
Reposted by Jason Roeder
AOC: We should be clear about who Charlie Kirk was. A man who believed that the civil rights act that granted black Americans the right to vote was a mistake… His rhetoric and beliefs were ignorant, uneducated, and sought to disenfranchise millions of Americans.
September 19, 2025 at 4:19 PM
AOC: We should be clear about who Charlie Kirk was. A man who believed that the civil rights act that granted black Americans the right to vote was a mistake… His rhetoric and beliefs were ignorant, uneducated, and sought to disenfranchise millions of Americans.
Reposted by Jason Roeder
Q: Do you think it would've been fitting to lower the flags to half staff when Melissa Hortman, the Minnesota House Speaker, was gunned down by an assassin?
TRUMP: I'm not familiar. The who?
TRUMP: I'm not familiar. The who?
September 15, 2025 at 9:35 PM
Q: Do you think it would've been fitting to lower the flags to half staff when Melissa Hortman, the Minnesota House Speaker, was gunned down by an assassin?
TRUMP: I'm not familiar. The who?
TRUMP: I'm not familiar. The who?