if bsky tanks i guess i’ll go back to saying stupid, weird, uncomfortable things to various cashiers and waitstaff

I always rehearse a tight ten before calling my mom, then I make sure to hang up before she can catch her breath. That way she won't have time to ask me anything about my life

The 83rd commercial finally got me, I can’t wait to watch The Paper, featuring the least charismatic of all the Office cast!

just heard someone describe a house built in 1990 as “vintage” and i turned to dust and blew away

Ironically, this makes the job report even worse

“i can only do so much” i say, while doing nothing

Can we collectively agree to not see the piece of toilet paper on my shoe for the sake of getting to see this hawt video of me✨ thanks, luv u 💕

Stevienail.com for more 😌

I eat at restaurants with obnoxious Yelp reviews cuz I figure the people who wrote them will never be there again.

it takes me very little exposure to danny mcbride shows to start talking like a danny mcbride character

Schrödinger’s Client List

Repost if I can spit in your mouth 😏✨