"Once men turned their thinking over to machines in the hope that this would set them free. But that only permitted other men with machines to enslave them." Frank Herbert, Dune, 1965

[coworker asks me what my plans are this weekend]

me: am i being detained?

Have I seen Sinners? I mean, every day I log on here and read all of your posts.

y’all told me i was crazy when i downloaded all of tiktok and put it on blu-rays but who’s laughing now

me: you dim sum, you lose some

waiter (in chinese to other waiter): poison this man

daily walks into the winter

ME: (fumbling through order) Hola! Un…cafe latte…sin…azúcar, por favor?
BARISTA: Uh-huh. And what size?
ME: (internally) I put up with that goddamn green owl for weeks…

[frantically dialing the Dad Joke Hall of Fame]

hi