Butt teeth! Butt teeth! Butt teeth!
@panic.gay
Irl: Edutainment & sketch comedy. Here: Shitposts. 18+
There's a species of fish that lives in the buttholes of sea cucumbers. Sea cucumber buttholes developed teeth to keep them out. It didnt work.
There's a species of fish that lives in the buttholes of sea cucumbers. Sea cucumber buttholes developed teeth to keep them out. It didnt work.
Pinned
In case no one has told you lately:
1. You are strong
2. You are beautiful
3. Sea cucumbers have fish that live in their buttholes and eat their ever-regenerating gonads like some sort of sick undersea Prometheus
4. You are deserving of love
1. You are strong
2. You are beautiful
3. Sea cucumbers have fish that live in their buttholes and eat their ever-regenerating gonads like some sort of sick undersea Prometheus
4. You are deserving of love
Someone call the louvre boys. I have another heist job for them.
November 13, 2025 at 8:41 PM
Someone call the louvre boys. I have another heist job for them.
Reposted by Butt teeth! Butt teeth! Butt teeth!
Well, it's a little clearer now why billionaires are so invested in technology that produces better written emails.
November 12, 2025 at 10:23 PM
Well, it's a little clearer now why billionaires are so invested in technology that produces better written emails.
Reposted by Butt teeth! Butt teeth! Butt teeth!
Unlike the banality of evil, the stupidity of evil feels new and it definitely is not. Evil just didn’t have podcasts back then.
November 12, 2025 at 5:39 PM
Unlike the banality of evil, the stupidity of evil feels new and it definitely is not. Evil just didn’t have podcasts back then.
Visiting the Onion's temporary HQ (they're renovating the main space! They're doing so well they have renovation money!!) has given me new interior design goals.
November 11, 2025 at 7:42 PM
Visiting the Onion's temporary HQ (they're renovating the main space! They're doing so well they have renovation money!!) has given me new interior design goals.
I was hanging out at Onion HQ this weekend and got my copy of this signed by some of the writers and editors. Multiple people expressed that this was possibly their favorite edition so far.
Today is the last day to receive sign up and receive this month's edition of The Onion in the mail!
This month is brought to you by:
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Some of our finest work yet. Subscribe today!
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This month is brought to you by:
— The Department of Homeland Security
— Starbase, Texas
— The Riyadh Comedy Festival
Some of our finest work yet. Subscribe today!
membership.theonion.com
Join The Onion
Don’t just read the news. Feel it. Be among the first to feel the news.
membership.theonion.com
November 11, 2025 at 7:37 PM
I was hanging out at Onion HQ this weekend and got my copy of this signed by some of the writers and editors. Multiple people expressed that this was possibly their favorite edition so far.
Reposted by Butt teeth! Butt teeth! Butt teeth!
This isn’t how political momentum works! Voters gave you guys a shit ton of momentum and a handful of your colleagues were like ah well time to cave.
bsky.app/profile/whit...
bsky.app/profile/whit...
3. We need to move back as soon as we can to fighting Trump, united and forceful, as the voters who gave us that big win Tuesday expect. Getting back to that fight is how we keep building momentum.
November 11, 2025 at 12:02 AM
This isn’t how political momentum works! Voters gave you guys a shit ton of momentum and a handful of your colleagues were like ah well time to cave.
bsky.app/profile/whit...
bsky.app/profile/whit...
Flight attendant: anything to drink?
Me: ginger ale please
FA: sure!
Me: thank you!
(FA hands napkin)
Me: thank you!!
(FA hands ice cup)
Me: thank you!!!
(FA hands drink)
Me: thank you!!!!
FA: enjoy?
Me: thank you so much!!!!!!!
Me: ginger ale please
FA: sure!
Me: thank you!
(FA hands napkin)
Me: thank you!!
(FA hands ice cup)
Me: thank you!!!
(FA hands drink)
Me: thank you!!!!
FA: enjoy?
Me: thank you so much!!!!!!!
November 11, 2025 at 12:04 AM
Flight attendant: anything to drink?
Me: ginger ale please
FA: sure!
Me: thank you!
(FA hands napkin)
Me: thank you!!
(FA hands ice cup)
Me: thank you!!!
(FA hands drink)
Me: thank you!!!!
FA: enjoy?
Me: thank you so much!!!!!!!
Me: ginger ale please
FA: sure!
Me: thank you!
(FA hands napkin)
Me: thank you!!
(FA hands ice cup)
Me: thank you!!!
(FA hands drink)
Me: thank you!!!!
FA: enjoy?
Me: thank you so much!!!!!!!
Who wants to artistically collaborate on something cool in 2026?
I'm trying to more mindfully curate my collaborations next instead of just saying yes to everything that comes my way. So if you're interested, let me know and so I can start planning to budget my capacity!
I'm trying to more mindfully curate my collaborations next instead of just saying yes to everything that comes my way. So if you're interested, let me know and so I can start planning to budget my capacity!
November 10, 2025 at 11:58 PM
Who wants to artistically collaborate on something cool in 2026?
I'm trying to more mindfully curate my collaborations next instead of just saying yes to everything that comes my way. So if you're interested, let me know and so I can start planning to budget my capacity!
I'm trying to more mindfully curate my collaborations next instead of just saying yes to everything that comes my way. So if you're interested, let me know and so I can start planning to budget my capacity!
Reposted by Butt teeth! Butt teeth! Butt teeth!
today’s weather-resistant tourism activity (and likely tomorrow’s too) is a visit to the te papa museum.
quick question, new zealand:
what the fuck?
quick question, new zealand:
what the fuck?
November 10, 2025 at 10:55 PM
today’s weather-resistant tourism activity (and likely tomorrow’s too) is a visit to the te papa museum.
quick question, new zealand:
what the fuck?
quick question, new zealand:
what the fuck?
Coworker: hey, how are you doing today?
Me, hormonal, hemorrhaging serotonin between my legs: oh you know, livin' the dream
Me, hormonal, hemorrhaging serotonin between my legs: oh you know, livin' the dream
It makes sense that blood platelets would have serotonin receptors because it’s a good way to distribute serotonin throughout your body! But it’s pretty fucking bad design for people who bleed regularly!!
November 10, 2025 at 11:21 PM
Coworker: hey, how are you doing today?
Me, hormonal, hemorrhaging serotonin between my legs: oh you know, livin' the dream
Me, hormonal, hemorrhaging serotonin between my legs: oh you know, livin' the dream
Every day I learn another thing I should have been told by a doctor decades ago
Yes!
And why taking SSRIs etc can cause increased bruising, etc.
And why taking SSRIs etc can cause increased bruising, etc.
TIL that blood platelets have serotonin receptors, which is why anemia can mimic depression symptoms and that is absolutely fucking fascinating.
November 10, 2025 at 11:01 PM
Every day I learn another thing I should have been told by a doctor decades ago
I believe in science except when I'm on a plane and the turbulence is really bad
Idgaf if science says I'm still safe. Science doesn't know shit. I'm gonna die.
Idgaf if science says I'm still safe. Science doesn't know shit. I'm gonna die.
November 10, 2025 at 11:00 PM
I believe in science except when I'm on a plane and the turbulence is really bad
Idgaf if science says I'm still safe. Science doesn't know shit. I'm gonna die.
Idgaf if science says I'm still safe. Science doesn't know shit. I'm gonna die.
By some miracle (and all of my athletic prowess) I made my connecting flight
I even did it without throwing up from the exertion of running across half of Logan airport's c terminal
I even did it without throwing up from the exertion of running across half of Logan airport's c terminal
November 10, 2025 at 10:50 PM
By some miracle (and all of my athletic prowess) I made my connecting flight
I even did it without throwing up from the exertion of running across half of Logan airport's c terminal
I even did it without throwing up from the exertion of running across half of Logan airport's c terminal
60s advertisements hit different
November 10, 2025 at 9:08 PM
60s advertisements hit different
Imagine rolling up to the party in Jeep with Legs
November 10, 2025 at 9:05 PM
Imagine rolling up to the party in Jeep with Legs
Successfully in the skies over Lake Michigan.
Hoping I'll be home by tonight.
Hoping I'll be home by tonight.
November 10, 2025 at 8:25 PM
Successfully in the skies over Lake Michigan.
Hoping I'll be home by tonight.
Hoping I'll be home by tonight.
DC's war on teenagers has been insane to watch. Traumatizing kids and stripping them of their agency indefinitely isn't the way to help them.
Forcing kids to sit in "kid jail" instead of providing rehabilitative services so they can return to their communities is not only failing our youth; it's also creating a public health and public safety crisis in D.C.
https://bit.ly/3WMaXs0
https://bit.ly/3WMaXs0
Juveniles in DC detention center still waiting for services, new lawsuit brief says
Juveniles in D.C.'s detention center are still facing long wait times before being transferred to long-term facilities with appropriate rehabilitative services.
wjla.com
November 10, 2025 at 6:42 PM
DC's war on teenagers has been insane to watch. Traumatizing kids and stripping them of their agency indefinitely isn't the way to help them.
Reposted by Butt teeth! Butt teeth! Butt teeth!
Hi writers! I’m looking to assign a couple of features for Slate before the end of the year. If you have anything in mind that you think would be a fit please send me a pitch! Jenée.Desmond- [email protected] or dm me.
RTs are appreciated so this can reach more people. Thanks!
RTs are appreciated so this can reach more people. Thanks!
November 10, 2025 at 6:06 PM
Hi writers! I’m looking to assign a couple of features for Slate before the end of the year. If you have anything in mind that you think would be a fit please send me a pitch! Jenée.Desmond- [email protected] or dm me.
RTs are appreciated so this can reach more people. Thanks!
RTs are appreciated so this can reach more people. Thanks!
Reposted by Butt teeth! Butt teeth! Butt teeth!
nate is giving big 'musk mad he got booed at a standup show' energy lately
November 10, 2025 at 5:17 PM
nate is giving big 'musk mad he got booed at a standup show' energy lately
Also every time within spitting distance of a great lake I am shocked by how very unlakelike they are
Y'all need a better word for them
I refuse to put them in the same category as Lake Lanier
Y'all need a better word for them
I refuse to put them in the same category as Lake Lanier
It feels unwise to be flying over the great lakes on a bad weather day that also happens to be the anniversary of the most famous great lakes related wreck but I have never let a lack of wisdom stop me
November 10, 2025 at 4:36 PM
Also every time within spitting distance of a great lake I am shocked by how very unlakelike they are
Y'all need a better word for them
I refuse to put them in the same category as Lake Lanier
Y'all need a better word for them
I refuse to put them in the same category as Lake Lanier
It feels unwise to be flying over the great lakes on a bad weather day that also happens to be the anniversary of the most famous great lakes related wreck but I have never let a lack of wisdom stop me
November 10, 2025 at 4:35 PM
It feels unwise to be flying over the great lakes on a bad weather day that also happens to be the anniversary of the most famous great lakes related wreck but I have never let a lack of wisdom stop me
Absolutely blown away by the talk @elchiguirebipolar.net.web.brid.gy co-founder Elio Casale gave tonight at @theonion.com about not just building a satire site under an authoritarian government, but becoming an actual source of news and information amid government censorship.
They deserve a follow
They deserve a follow
November 9, 2025 at 6:40 AM
Absolutely blown away by the talk @elchiguirebipolar.net.web.brid.gy co-founder Elio Casale gave tonight at @theonion.com about not just building a satire site under an authoritarian government, but becoming an actual source of news and information amid government censorship.
They deserve a follow
They deserve a follow
What an incredible day.
Second day of workshops with Kevin McDonald and then a panel and happy hour atbh The Onion!
Second day of workshops with Kevin McDonald and then a panel and happy hour atbh The Onion!
November 9, 2025 at 2:48 AM
What an incredible day.
Second day of workshops with Kevin McDonald and then a panel and happy hour atbh The Onion!
Second day of workshops with Kevin McDonald and then a panel and happy hour atbh The Onion!
Really enjoyed my workshop with the legendary Kevin McDonald.
November 7, 2025 at 10:45 PM
Really enjoyed my workshop with the legendary Kevin McDonald.
True. I haven't eaten it since.
It's wild, I'm not the "weird animal sex facts" guy over here yet. I could choose a different path.
And yet I categorically refuse to do so.
I will continue to be the reason @panic.gay shudders thinking about an Arby's sandwich.
And yet I categorically refuse to do so.
I will continue to be the reason @panic.gay shudders thinking about an Arby's sandwich.
a beef sandwich is in a cup that says wendy 's
Alt: A French dip being dunked into a cup of au jus.
media.tenor.com
November 7, 2025 at 9:22 PM
True. I haven't eaten it since.