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Reviews of Wonka's factory

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"Fun tour, loved the Oompa Loompas"

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"DELICIOUS! Chocolate river - WHAT?! Mind blown"

⭐☆☆☆☆
"Turned me into a fucking blueberry"

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Reposted by Pessimus Prime

Granite Man @granitedhuine.bsky.social · Sep 21

Yes I know them, we went to Twitter together.

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Reposted by Pessimus Prime

Scare Blair @blairloudly.bsky.social · 13d

is it a bird is it a plane is it the loss of my ability to recognize everyday objects

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Pessimus Prime @pessimusprime.bsky.social · 13d

Sounds like my first date:

Starbucks -> bra's stuck -> sack burst

Pessimus Prime @pessimusprime.bsky.social · 14d

Never forget

Pessimus Prime @pessimusprime.bsky.social · 14d

Your friendly reminder that Starbucks is an anagram of bra's stuck

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Pessimus Prime @pessimusprime.bsky.social · 14d

I pronounce baguette with a soft g because I went to France once

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Reposted by Pessimus Prime

Jason Goes to Hell @benedictsred.bsky.social · 20d

A beautiful woman keeps calling and saying, “This is an attempt to collect a debt.” I hear you. A debt of love

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Pessimus Prime @pessimusprime.bsky.social · 19d

UK productivity up 25%- Analysts put it down to huge reductions in screen time and a 100,000x increase in the sales of "printed material of an adult nature"

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Reposted by Pessimus Prime

That Dang Tanner, Trophy Ex-Wife 🗝 @tanner68.bsky.social · Sep 1

Every Nigel is an asshole and also British.

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Pessimus Prime @pessimusprime.bsky.social · 19d

Sea level rise is inescapable. If people weren't prepared to listen to Busted's prophecy (and absolute bop) Year 3000, they're not gonna listen to Extinction Rebellion or Greta Thunberg

Pessimus Prime @pessimusprime.bsky.social · 19d

Unpopular opinion, but I feel sorry for Nigel Farage. I mean, imagine waking up every single morning and remembering that you're Nigel Farage

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Reposted by Pessimus Prime

Moose Allain @mooseallain.bsky.social · 20d

There is a cure for buffetphobia, but first you’ve got to want to help yourself.

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Reposted by Pessimus Prime

Wolfmanning Skull 🎃 @manningkrull.bsky.social · 20d

You are in a room. There are clowns to the left of you. There are jokers to the right.

> Move forward.

You cannot move forward. You are stuck in the middle of the room.

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Pessimus Prime @pessimusprime.bsky.social · 22d

Went for 2 runs this week and I'm still fat. This shit is bullshit shit

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Pessimus Prime @pessimusprime.bsky.social · 23d

Can't blame them, what with all the inform ants

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Pessimus Prime @pessimusprime.bsky.social · 25d

Tried to get one of those wraps that they put on cars but the man said they can't put it on a person. Seems illegal

Pessimus Prime @pessimusprime.bsky.social · 26d

I am willing to take your word on this

Pessimus Prime @pessimusprime.bsky.social · 26d

I am not an expert in anatomy

Pessimus Prime @pessimusprime.bsky.social · 26d

It is said that it takes 10,000 hours to become an expert in any given field. At the age of 42 I am, without doubt, an expert supermarket shopper

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