getting hit by a bus because i think it's a big fuzzy cat with fucked up hands

I’ve saved thousands on groceries by eating the insulation out of my walls

Prequel haters in ruins now that Revenge of the Sith is one of the most prescient films of all time

i'm going to become the joker

if Emelia Pérez wins but a single Oscar I will be considering it a hate crime.

Cis girls are nature’s post ops

My boyfriend has to let me do whatever I want for the next six weeks for my tiktok mourning period so I’m gonna buy a jacuzzi and fill it with tomato soup like I’ve always wanted

I’m 100% on board for the new Silicon Valley utopia, I won’t be happy until my toaster can call the police on me

Living in a 15 minute city is great; I walk a mile in any direction and find myself back at my apartment, with only minor changes. Sure, the noises from the dog park get deeper. After the tenth iteration or so I can't read the signs anymore. But the stranger in my apartment welcomes me every time.

the two things I believe most strongly in this world are that public services should be wholly replaced by the private sector and that the government should intervene instantly the second I personally feel a little bit scared