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thebbalds
@thebbalds.bsky.social
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October 18, 2025 at 5:03 PM
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April 17, 2025 at 1:16 PM
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Man Who Bumped Tesla While Parallel Parking Sentenced To Death
Man Who Bumped Tesla While Parallel Parking Sentenced To Death
WASHINGTON—Warning that even the slightest dent, knick, or scratch would henceforth be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law, Attorney General Pam Bondi announced Tuesday that Raymond Pratt, a 5...
theonion.com
April 8, 2025 at 3:01 PM
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FBI Uncovers Al-Qaeda Plot To Just Sit Back And Enjoy Collapse Of United States
FBI Uncovers Al-Qaeda Plot To Just Sit Back And Enjoy Collapse Of United States
WASHINGTON—Putting the nation on alert against what it has described as a “highly credible terrorist threat,” the FBI announced today that it has uncovered a plot by members of al-Qaeda to sit back an...
theonion.com
April 3, 2025 at 3:36 PM
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April 2, 2025 at 3:10 PM
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New Study Finds Human Beings Were Never Meant To Wake Up From Sleep
theonion.com/new-stu...
April 2, 2025 at 2:01 PM
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Report: 83% Of Americans Just Want To Put On Sunglasses And Say ‘Let’s Do This’
theonion.com/report-...
April 2, 2025 at 9:00 PM
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Conservatives Boycott Computers After Noticing Keyboard Can Be Used To Type ‘Trans’
theonion.com/conserv...
March 23, 2025 at 6:00 PM
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‘I Guess I’d Watch Another,’ Says Woman Unaware Boyfriend Died On Couch 4 Episodes Ago
theonion.com/i-guess...
March 18, 2025 at 10:00 PM
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New Federal Law Mandates Women Talk With Baby Voice
New Federal Law Mandates Women Talk With Baby Voice
WASHINGTON—In a decisive victory for longtime champions of the cause, congressional leaders announced Wednesday the passage of a new federal law mandating that all women talk with a baby voice. “Under...
theonion.com
March 19, 2025 at 3:29 PM
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Industrial Revolution Provides Millions Of Out-Of-Work Children With Jobs
theonion.com/industr...
March 18, 2025 at 2:00 PM
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Ethical Diamond Company Only Uses White Children To Mine
http://theonion.com/...
March 15, 2025 at 6:00 PM
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Portrait of a cat who is going to whack at my fingers every time I try to type. So much for getting work done.
March 14, 2025 at 3:48 PM
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Bathroom Break Considered Self Care
theonion.com/bathroo...
March 12, 2025 at 2:00 PM
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Poll Finds Most Americans Would Swap Democracy For $100 Best Buy Gift Card
theonion.com/poll-fi...
March 8, 2025 at 4:00 PM
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Virtually Imperceptible Facial Expression Sends Shock Wave Through ‘White Lotus’ Fan Base
theonion.com/virtual...
February 24, 2025 at 11:00 PM
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February 17, 2025 at 9:27 PM
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Honestly, this might be one of the most iconic sports photographs ever taken…
February 4, 2025 at 11:28 PM
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I have a note from my doctor that says everyone has to be nice to me
January 27, 2025 at 1:30 PM
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Biden Batted Around By Giant Cat
theonion.com/biden-b...
January 17, 2025 at 5:01 PM
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Elderly Man Sets Sights On Big Chair
theonion.com/elderly...
January 15, 2025 at 4:00 PM
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Like Boxes of Shit in Your House? Get a Cat
January 13, 2025 at 7:00 PM
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just started having recency bias and i love it. easily the best bias
August 12, 2023 at 6:04 PM