Jen “cool older trans lady trying her best”
@transducer.bsky.social
40, she/her, east coast. Live-blogging transition since 2023. 🏳️⚧️💊24-12-06; 🏳️⚧️💉25-06-24
My posts are about me, not you. Go write your own—I’d love to read them! 💖
Start HRT now, figure the rest out later.
There is still time. The time will pass either way.
My posts are about me, not you. Go write your own—I’d love to read them! 💖
Start HRT now, figure the rest out later.
There is still time. The time will pass either way.
Pinned
Well y’all, a bish welcomes any thoughts on the matter, bc it do be that time lol
Again, I’m most looking for tactical advice in doing this as an out trans woman, which is the new part for me this go-round 🏳️⚧️🚺🤷🏻♀️ Some of y’all are uniquely qualified, among my friends, to share that perspective!
Again, I’m most looking for tactical advice in doing this as an out trans woman, which is the new part for me this go-round 🏳️⚧️🚺🤷🏻♀️ Some of y’all are uniquely qualified, among my friends, to share that perspective!
having another of my days where the repeated “Cloverfield” references in “Nevada” are getting me back on my bullshit of wanting a mashup of the two
November 19, 2025 at 4:05 PM
having another of my days where the repeated “Cloverfield” references in “Nevada” are getting me back on my bullshit of wanting a mashup of the two
My younger brother—the older of the two—was also there, and the group did some riffs on a bit he’d soft-launched before but to which the Australian arrived independently: he’s the oldest brother 🤷🏻♀️
all the prophesies about firstborn sons vs. evil kings? those are his fuckin problem now 💅🏻 not mine 😎💖
all the prophesies about firstborn sons vs. evil kings? those are his fuckin problem now 💅🏻 not mine 😎💖
Group dinner for the Australian at a Texas BBQ joint. Despite this being the bright-blue suburbs, the herd of giant white SUVs in the parking lot did have me a 🤏 concerned. But it was fine. It was fine!
The Australian gave me an off-handed “well, to be fair, I do reckon you pass” remark, which: 🤔🤷🏻♀️🥰
The Australian gave me an off-handed “well, to be fair, I do reckon you pass” remark, which: 🤔🤷🏻♀️🥰
November 19, 2025 at 4:02 PM
My younger brother—the older of the two—was also there, and the group did some riffs on a bit he’d soft-launched before but to which the Australian arrived independently: he’s the oldest brother 🤷🏻♀️
all the prophesies about firstborn sons vs. evil kings? those are his fuckin problem now 💅🏻 not mine 😎💖
all the prophesies about firstborn sons vs. evil kings? those are his fuckin problem now 💅🏻 not mine 😎💖
Reposted by Jen “cool older trans lady trying her best”
oh no, ive been on this website long enough that someone's posted the exact dilemma i was wrestling with for years before i figured it out
trans.
If you are a bisexual man that happens never to fall for any man but you "just" feel that "heterosexual" just doesn't fit you at all
don't worry, it's all good no need to look into it it's 100% normal :)
If you are a bisexual man that happens never to fall for any man but you "just" feel that "heterosexual" just doesn't fit you at all
don't worry, it's all good no need to look into it it's 100% normal :)
Si vous êtes un homme bisexuel qui de façon complètement accidentelle ne tombe jamais amoureux d'aucun homme et trouve "juste" que "hétérosexuel" ne décrit pas bien sa situation...
... continuez ^^ ne vous inquiétez pas et ne vous posez pas de questions. C'est normal :)
... continuez ^^ ne vous inquiétez pas et ne vous posez pas de questions. C'est normal :)
November 19, 2025 at 3:38 PM
oh no, ive been on this website long enough that someone's posted the exact dilemma i was wrestling with for years before i figured it out
Reposted by Jen “cool older trans lady trying her best”
These gibbering hooligans have accused me of wanting "transgender for everybody" so much I've decided I DO want that!
Two months of free, mandatory cross-sex hormones for every single American to see if they like it
You wanna compromise on trans issues? THAT'S the position I'm starting from now.
Two months of free, mandatory cross-sex hormones for every single American to see if they like it
You wanna compromise on trans issues? THAT'S the position I'm starting from now.
November 19, 2025 at 1:09 PM
These gibbering hooligans have accused me of wanting "transgender for everybody" so much I've decided I DO want that!
Two months of free, mandatory cross-sex hormones for every single American to see if they like it
You wanna compromise on trans issues? THAT'S the position I'm starting from now.
Two months of free, mandatory cross-sex hormones for every single American to see if they like it
You wanna compromise on trans issues? THAT'S the position I'm starting from now.
Popped awake from weird (prog) dreams again. Something about an absolute sociopath of a child, in a setting where I was responsible for him—a school or camp or smth.
The relevant/“interesting” part is, I’m pretty sure I was Jen in the dream. My dream self is catching up to my real self. That’s neat
The relevant/“interesting” part is, I’m pretty sure I was Jen in the dream. My dream self is catching up to my real self. That’s neat
November 19, 2025 at 9:34 AM
Popped awake from weird (prog) dreams again. Something about an absolute sociopath of a child, in a setting where I was responsible for him—a school or camp or smth.
The relevant/“interesting” part is, I’m pretty sure I was Jen in the dream. My dream self is catching up to my real self. That’s neat
The relevant/“interesting” part is, I’m pretty sure I was Jen in the dream. My dream self is catching up to my real self. That’s neat
I think there’s also an element of, I built this up over 20–30 years into “once I’m a girl—once I pass entirely, or at least very very well—everything in my life will be perfect. But not everything in my life is perfect. Ergo, I must not pass yet, or not very well.”
Which is… messed-up thinking! 😰
Which is… messed-up thinking! 😰
and I know, like… I’m always going to be my own harshest critic. Or at any rate it’s going to be a while yet until I fully deprogram myself from the training of that cult.
November 19, 2025 at 3:13 AM
I think there’s also an element of, I built this up over 20–30 years into “once I’m a girl—once I pass entirely, or at least very very well—everything in my life will be perfect. But not everything in my life is perfect. Ergo, I must not pass yet, or not very well.”
Which is… messed-up thinking! 😰
Which is… messed-up thinking! 😰
Also to be clear, it’s not that I suspect my fellow trans women of embellishment!
Rather—and I am aware this is maladaptive and/or disordered thinking—I’m all up in my head about how I’m being perceived *by anyone who doesn’t know me.* Especially if they didn’t know me *before* I was openly Jen
Rather—and I am aware this is maladaptive and/or disordered thinking—I’m all up in my head about how I’m being perceived *by anyone who doesn’t know me.* Especially if they didn’t know me *before* I was openly Jen
well, this from the Australian was the same flavor of blithe, offhanded “well, *as you must know,* you pass” I got from my telehealth prescriber here in the States. So now I just need to hear it from someone in (looks at globe) like Iran, maybe?
And then I can triangulate my way to believing it 😜
And then I can triangulate my way to believing it 😜
November 19, 2025 at 2:50 AM
Also to be clear, it’s not that I suspect my fellow trans women of embellishment!
Rather—and I am aware this is maladaptive and/or disordered thinking—I’m all up in my head about how I’m being perceived *by anyone who doesn’t know me.* Especially if they didn’t know me *before* I was openly Jen
Rather—and I am aware this is maladaptive and/or disordered thinking—I’m all up in my head about how I’m being perceived *by anyone who doesn’t know me.* Especially if they didn’t know me *before* I was openly Jen
Group dinner for the Australian at a Texas BBQ joint. Despite this being the bright-blue suburbs, the herd of giant white SUVs in the parking lot did have me a 🤏 concerned. But it was fine. It was fine!
The Australian gave me an off-handed “well, to be fair, I do reckon you pass” remark, which: 🤔🤷🏻♀️🥰
The Australian gave me an off-handed “well, to be fair, I do reckon you pass” remark, which: 🤔🤷🏻♀️🥰
November 19, 2025 at 2:36 AM
Group dinner for the Australian at a Texas BBQ joint. Despite this being the bright-blue suburbs, the herd of giant white SUVs in the parking lot did have me a 🤏 concerned. But it was fine. It was fine!
The Australian gave me an off-handed “well, to be fair, I do reckon you pass” remark, which: 🤔🤷🏻♀️🥰
The Australian gave me an off-handed “well, to be fair, I do reckon you pass” remark, which: 🤔🤷🏻♀️🥰
Reposted by Jen “cool older trans lady trying her best”
do you have any fucking idea how fucking insane it is that the country is dictated by the whims of a cabal of dementia addled pedophiles while literally every person i know and talk to is two audiobooks away from being a card carrying communist
November 18, 2025 at 5:51 PM
do you have any fucking idea how fucking insane it is that the country is dictated by the whims of a cabal of dementia addled pedophiles while literally every person i know and talk to is two audiobooks away from being a card carrying communist
ok people are amplifying fascists by quote-posting their articles and videos with “this is fucking nuts”. Again. I really thought we agreed to leave that shit on the site the Nazi bought
November 18, 2025 at 9:27 PM
ok people are amplifying fascists by quote-posting their articles and videos with “this is fucking nuts”. Again. I really thought we agreed to leave that shit on the site the Nazi bought
At least I looked cute, even if all the selfies I tried to take just now don’t look nearly as good as I look in the mirror. 😤
(iPhone front-facing camera betrays me yet again 😞)
(iPhone front-facing camera betrays me yet again 😞)
November 18, 2025 at 9:16 PM
At least I looked cute, even if all the selfies I tried to take just now don’t look nearly as good as I look in the mirror. 😤
(iPhone front-facing camera betrays me yet again 😞)
(iPhone front-facing camera betrays me yet again 😞)
If you’re the person who hit “save” on this post, I’d be deeply grateful if you’d dm me to talk about why you did that. I’m genuinely not mad, but I am *intensely* curious.
just had my penultimate session with this therapist, & talked about this👇. It was good, we talked about how it was a recreation of old patterns for me, but we still… I’m realizing as I sit in the car, I don’t think I got an answer to “what she wishes she’d done instead.”
Maybe it doesn’t matter.
Maybe it doesn’t matter.
Because I was the only person who was in that group when it started and when it ended, and at least a year & a half of the group felt mostly like the group leaders were just tossing me into a box with a yoga-loving cop then shaking the box to make him & I fight. As if we were interesting bugs.
November 18, 2025 at 9:08 PM
If you’re the person who hit “save” on this post, I’d be deeply grateful if you’d dm me to talk about why you did that. I’m genuinely not mad, but I am *intensely* curious.
just had my penultimate session with this therapist, & talked about this👇. It was good, we talked about how it was a recreation of old patterns for me, but we still… I’m realizing as I sit in the car, I don’t think I got an answer to “what she wishes she’d done instead.”
Maybe it doesn’t matter.
Maybe it doesn’t matter.
Because I was the only person who was in that group when it started and when it ended, and at least a year & a half of the group felt mostly like the group leaders were just tossing me into a box with a yoga-loving cop then shaking the box to make him & I fight. As if we were interesting bugs.
November 18, 2025 at 8:59 PM
just had my penultimate session with this therapist, & talked about this👇. It was good, we talked about how it was a recreation of old patterns for me, but we still… I’m realizing as I sit in the car, I don’t think I got an answer to “what she wishes she’d done instead.”
Maybe it doesn’t matter.
Maybe it doesn’t matter.
Ah, the broke girl’s electro: individually tweezing the shave-resistant hairs off my chinny-chin chin 😣
November 18, 2025 at 5:40 PM
Ah, the broke girl’s electro: individually tweezing the shave-resistant hairs off my chinny-chin chin 😣
Reposted by Jen “cool older trans lady trying her best”
part of a Woman's Role in Patriarchy is to be the property of a Patriarch. When you stop centering men, you've already ejected yourself out of that structure. Now you're left in a place a lot of transfems find ourselves in early on: what does it mean to be a woman?
November 18, 2025 at 2:33 PM
part of a Woman's Role in Patriarchy is to be the property of a Patriarch. When you stop centering men, you've already ejected yourself out of that structure. Now you're left in a place a lot of transfems find ourselves in early on: what does it mean to be a woman?
Any of my mutuals want to do the Pokémon Legends ZA item-trade evolutions (Scizor, Slowking, Aromatisse, Slurpuff) & expect to be free tonight around 10pm US East Coast time (give/take an hour)? Or a mutually convenient time beyond? DM me!
I could bug Sweetie for it—but, y’know, spread the love 😉💖
I could bug Sweetie for it—but, y’know, spread the love 😉💖
my game of the year would be Pokémon Legends ZA in a walk, so 🤷🏻♀️
the video games community is wild b/c in one corner, folks argue over which of five games released that year deserve to be called the best. in another corner are the people playing pokemon. they have only been playing pokemon for 30 years
November 18, 2025 at 5:01 PM
Any of my mutuals want to do the Pokémon Legends ZA item-trade evolutions (Scizor, Slowking, Aromatisse, Slurpuff) & expect to be free tonight around 10pm US East Coast time (give/take an hour)? Or a mutually convenient time beyond? DM me!
I could bug Sweetie for it—but, y’know, spread the love 😉💖
I could bug Sweetie for it—but, y’know, spread the love 😉💖
Reposted by Jen “cool older trans lady trying her best”
Whomst among us hasn't felt a little vacuum about snackie all done
November 18, 2025 at 7:02 AM
Whomst among us hasn't felt a little vacuum about snackie all done
Reposted by Jen “cool older trans lady trying her best”
of course you don't feel feminine, you have spent your life pretending to be a man. there is no judge passing sentence on your femininity, nor a teacher you are trying to impress for a grade. if you want to be a woman, you just have to be one, being good at it comes later and is self-defined.
November 17, 2025 at 8:20 PM
of course you don't feel feminine, you have spent your life pretending to be a man. there is no judge passing sentence on your femininity, nor a teacher you are trying to impress for a grade. if you want to be a woman, you just have to be one, being good at it comes later and is self-defined.
also, like, it was a little warm in the Ross Dress For Less relative to how cold it was outside; I was a bit dewy. 😅
As with “speaking of name changes!” line… it’s good, it’s perfectly serviceable, but I know in my heart I can do better 😉
(Ideally I would, like, blow her mind utterly. Y’know. 😎💅🏻)
As with “speaking of name changes!” line… it’s good, it’s perfectly serviceable, but I know in my heart I can do better 😉
(Ideally I would, like, blow her mind utterly. Y’know. 😎💅🏻)
November 18, 2025 at 1:13 AM
also, like, it was a little warm in the Ross Dress For Less relative to how cold it was outside; I was a bit dewy. 😅
As with “speaking of name changes!” line… it’s good, it’s perfectly serviceable, but I know in my heart I can do better 😉
(Ideally I would, like, blow her mind utterly. Y’know. 😎💅🏻)
As with “speaking of name changes!” line… it’s good, it’s perfectly serviceable, but I know in my heart I can do better 😉
(Ideally I would, like, blow her mind utterly. Y’know. 😎💅🏻)
Like “Tracy? Tracy Atkins?”* “Sorry, that’s—who are you?” “Oh right, your name probably changed when you got married, right? Well, speaking of name changes… 😀“
ugh, so mad I decided it wasn’t worth the awkwardness… (even tho that was the correct decision of course lol)
*(not her real name)
ugh, so mad I decided it wasn’t worth the awkwardness… (even tho that was the correct decision of course lol)
*(not her real name)
Also at a store we were in, I saw someone who I’m pretty sure was a girl with whom I was really infatuated about 17 years ago, who was heavily Catholic and basically told me we couldn’t date because I wasn’t getting into heaven?
I didn’t go up and make it awkward but in hindsight I SO wish I had 🤦🏻♀️
I didn’t go up and make it awkward but in hindsight I SO wish I had 🤦🏻♀️
November 17, 2025 at 11:42 PM
Like “Tracy? Tracy Atkins?”* “Sorry, that’s—who are you?” “Oh right, your name probably changed when you got married, right? Well, speaking of name changes… 😀“
ugh, so mad I decided it wasn’t worth the awkwardness… (even tho that was the correct decision of course lol)
*(not her real name)
ugh, so mad I decided it wasn’t worth the awkwardness… (even tho that was the correct decision of course lol)
*(not her real name)
So yeah, basically hung out with my Australian former roommate for seven solid hours, turns out our relationship as friends is way way better now that I’m not fucking lying to everyone and walking around uptight that someone’s going to figure out I’m trans! Who would have thought?
November 17, 2025 at 11:21 PM
So yeah, basically hung out with my Australian former roommate for seven solid hours, turns out our relationship as friends is way way better now that I’m not fucking lying to everyone and walking around uptight that someone’s going to figure out I’m trans! Who would have thought?
🏳️⚧️💉3️⃣0️⃣☑️ just now. No 🥳, bc this was an ouchie—dang needle really didn’t want to go in. Nor did the second needle, initially (when I gave up on the first one & swapped out)
Not sure why… probably I need to order higher-quality supplies. Any favorites? Drop ‘em below or in the DMs 🙏
Ok, ice cream time
Not sure why… probably I need to order higher-quality supplies. Any favorites? Drop ‘em below or in the DMs 🙏
Ok, ice cream time
November 17, 2025 at 2:16 AM
🏳️⚧️💉3️⃣0️⃣☑️ just now. No 🥳, bc this was an ouchie—dang needle really didn’t want to go in. Nor did the second needle, initially (when I gave up on the first one & swapped out)
Not sure why… probably I need to order higher-quality supplies. Any favorites? Drop ‘em below or in the DMs 🙏
Ok, ice cream time
Not sure why… probably I need to order higher-quality supplies. Any favorites? Drop ‘em below or in the DMs 🙏
Ok, ice cream time
literally every time I’ve gotten anything done in my life it was because for once I just jumped & figured the rest out on the way down from the diving board
there will never be a perfect time to transition. What does exist is: today.
there will never be a perfect time to transition. What does exist is: today.
when my egg cracked, I waffled and delayed for two weeks before starting HRT, clothes/presentation, name change, hair removal, surgery consults, etc.
caution is fine and good when appropriate, but I knew if I looked over the edge I'd hesitate forever. I had to walk off the cliff blind
caution is fine and good when appropriate, but I knew if I looked over the edge I'd hesitate forever. I had to walk off the cliff blind
November 17, 2025 at 1:28 AM
literally every time I’ve gotten anything done in my life it was because for once I just jumped & figured the rest out on the way down from the diving board
there will never be a perfect time to transition. What does exist is: today.
there will never be a perfect time to transition. What does exist is: today.
ever since started I self-accepting, every time I get angry the shitty little dysphoria voice goes “see, this means you’re not a REAL woman” (which ofc makes me madder, risking a spiral)
idk if it’s internalized transmisogyny or internalized regular misogyny but in any case it sucks and I hate it
idk if it’s internalized transmisogyny or internalized regular misogyny but in any case it sucks and I hate it
November 16, 2025 at 11:58 PM
ever since started I self-accepting, every time I get angry the shitty little dysphoria voice goes “see, this means you’re not a REAL woman” (which ofc makes me madder, risking a spiral)
idk if it’s internalized transmisogyny or internalized regular misogyny but in any case it sucks and I hate it
idk if it’s internalized transmisogyny or internalized regular misogyny but in any case it sucks and I hate it
Reposted by Jen “cool older trans lady trying her best”
it might not be for you—it might be for someone else who reads these replies—but I’m just gonna put this here.
If you need help getting access to HRT, DM me and I’m happy to help you figure something out.
If you need help getting access to HRT, DM me and I’m happy to help you figure something out.
If you’re not sure you’re trans? Start HRT now, figure out if you’re trans later. If you decide you’re not, it’s quicker to stop HRT than to start it.
If you’re sure you’re trans, but you couldn’t possibly transition for reasons? Start HRT anyway. You might feel better about it—at least you’ll know
If you’re sure you’re trans, but you couldn’t possibly transition for reasons? Start HRT anyway. You might feel better about it—at least you’ll know
November 16, 2025 at 11:20 PM
it might not be for you—it might be for someone else who reads these replies—but I’m just gonna put this here.
If you need help getting access to HRT, DM me and I’m happy to help you figure something out.
If you need help getting access to HRT, DM me and I’m happy to help you figure something out.