I think you wanted @twoptwips for this one.
And thanks, I'll be giving it a go.
And thanks, I'll be giving it a go.
December 3, 2025 at 3:07 PM
I think you wanted @twoptwips for this one.
And thanks, I'll be giving it a go.
And thanks, I'll be giving it a go.
An early Tweet of mine picked up by TwopTwips that got me addicted to favs and inspired me to set up VW.
December 2, 2025 at 3:41 PM
An early Tweet of mine picked up by TwopTwips that got me addicted to favs and inspired me to set up VW.
Where's TwopTwips when you need them?
November 4, 2025 at 9:45 AM
Where's TwopTwips when you need them?
If you like your wooly jumpers really durable and shiny, just put them through a lambinating machine. @TwopTwips #LunchPun
July 29, 2025 at 11:00 AM
If you like your wooly jumpers really durable and shiny, just put them through a lambinating machine. @TwopTwips #LunchPun
Don't bother drying your washing before going on holiday. Put it on the balcony when you get there and it'll dry in a snap. #TwopTwips
July 17, 2025 at 5:39 PM
Don't bother drying your washing before going on holiday. Put it on the balcony when you get there and it'll dry in a snap. #TwopTwips
Do you struggle to remember that 17 digit "strong" password with 3 special characters?
Why not just save it on your phone which is protected by the same 4 digit pin that you've used for 30 years?
#TwopTwips #TopTips
Why not just save it on your phone which is protected by the same 4 digit pin that you've used for 30 years?
#TwopTwips #TopTips
April 13, 2025 at 3:46 PM
Do you struggle to remember that 17 digit "strong" password with 3 special characters?
Why not just save it on your phone which is protected by the same 4 digit pin that you've used for 30 years?
#TwopTwips #TopTips
Why not just save it on your phone which is protected by the same 4 digit pin that you've used for 30 years?
#TwopTwips #TopTips
I wish @TwopTwips would post on here
March 24, 2025 at 8:31 PM
I wish @TwopTwips would post on here
@TwopTwips: CONVINCE neighbours you're invisible by stiffening your dog's lead with starch and sending him out for a walk on his own.
February 5, 2025 at 6:38 AM
@TwopTwips: CONVINCE neighbours you're invisible by stiffening your dog's lead with starch and sending him out for a walk on his own.
Great minds... (TwopTwips with my version from "the other place" in 2017).
January 24, 2025 at 4:16 PM
Great minds... (TwopTwips with my version from "the other place" in 2017).
Love exotic coffee but hate paying more on every cup? Just spend thousands to visit a country where every blend is a Peruvian blend #twoptwips
December 19, 2024 at 3:29 PM
Love exotic coffee but hate paying more on every cup? Just spend thousands to visit a country where every blend is a Peruvian blend #twoptwips
if I knew I was going to be tear gassed, I would simply bring a hovercraft and blow the gas back at the plod.
#twoptwips
#twoptwips
Video pinched from Twitter - but incredible scenes in Tiblisi
December 1, 2024 at 1:28 AM
if I knew I was going to be tear gassed, I would simply bring a hovercraft and blow the gas back at the plod.
#twoptwips
#twoptwips
This from *checks notes, Christ on a bike* twelve years ago. I also won a prize from @twoptwips.bsky.social as the most popular twoptwip that week or whatever. I still have the 80s games console.
November 27, 2024 at 6:23 PM
This from *checks notes, Christ on a bike* twelve years ago. I also won a prize from @twoptwips.bsky.social as the most popular twoptwip that week or whatever. I still have the 80s games console.
Look as careworn and bedraggled as possible for your passport photo. Your older self will thank you as they negotiate the automatic gates. #toptips #twoptwips
November 15, 2024 at 6:48 PM
Look as careworn and bedraggled as possible for your passport photo. Your older self will thank you as they negotiate the automatic gates. #toptips #twoptwips
@TwopTwips No needs to buy the Radio Times for Christmas Day this year. Just get out last year’s, update the times and add in #DoctorWho at 5.55. #ChristmasTV #Christmas2023
December 5, 2023 at 11:47 PM
@TwopTwips No needs to buy the Radio Times for Christmas Day this year. Just get out last year’s, update the times and add in #DoctorWho at 5.55. #ChristmasTV #Christmas2023
@TwopTwips No needs to buy the Radio Times for Christmas Day this year. Just get out last year’s, update the times and add in #DoctorWho at 5.55. #ChristmasTV #Christmas2023
December 5, 2023 at 11:33 PM
@TwopTwips No needs to buy the Radio Times for Christmas Day this year. Just get out last year’s, update the times and add in #DoctorWho at 5.55. #ChristmasTV #Christmas2023
drain one of these for use overnight #twoptwips
September 21, 2023 at 7:53 AM
drain one of these for use overnight #twoptwips
STOP your critics from accusing you of behaving like 1930s Germany by seizing control of the national broadcaster and silencing them. @TwopTwips
November 23, 2024 at 8:18 PM
STOP your critics from accusing you of behaving like 1930s Germany by seizing control of the national broadcaster and silencing them. @TwopTwips
SICK and tired of shortages of tomatoes in Lidl and Tescos? Try eating other vegetables that seem to be abundant at the moment like Jonathan Gullis or Lee Anderson. @TwopTwips
November 23, 2024 at 9:39 PM
SICK and tired of shortages of tomatoes in Lidl and Tescos? Try eating other vegetables that seem to be abundant at the moment like Jonathan Gullis or Lee Anderson. @TwopTwips
BECOME a top selling children's author by writing any old nonsense that includes bums, farts, snot or willies. @TwopTwips
November 24, 2024 at 6:23 PM
BECOME a top selling children's author by writing any old nonsense that includes bums, farts, snot or willies. @TwopTwips
RECREATE the thrill of the Monaco Grand Prix by going to your local town's one-way system on a rainy day and watching cars follow each other for 3 hours. @TwopTwips
November 25, 2024 at 11:36 AM
RECREATE the thrill of the Monaco Grand Prix by going to your local town's one-way system on a rainy day and watching cars follow each other for 3 hours. @TwopTwips
ENHANCE your latest corporate webinar experience by playing the instrumental version of the old Baz Luhrmann banger "Everybody's Free (to Wear Sunscreen)"in the background [@TwopTwips]
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4baeKCUNFfs
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4baeKCUNFfs
December 4, 2024 at 3:22 PM
ENHANCE your latest corporate webinar experience by playing the instrumental version of the old Baz Luhrmann banger "Everybody's Free (to Wear Sunscreen)"in the background [@TwopTwips]
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4baeKCUNFfs
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4baeKCUNFfs
CRIMINALS in London. Avoid being arrested by the Met police by simply seeking refuge in a getaway bus.
#TrustMatters
@metpoliceuk
@TwopTwips
#TrustMatters
@metpoliceuk
@TwopTwips
November 30, 2024 at 7:42 AM
CRIMINALS in London. Avoid being arrested by the Met police by simply seeking refuge in a getaway bus.
#TrustMatters
@metpoliceuk
@TwopTwips
#TrustMatters
@metpoliceuk
@TwopTwips
CALL CENTRE SCRIPT WRITERS: replace "due to the Coronavirus..." with "owing to endless cost-cutting..." in your pre-hold music opener [@twoptwips]
December 4, 2024 at 3:22 PM
CALL CENTRE SCRIPT WRITERS: replace "due to the Coronavirus..." with "owing to endless cost-cutting..." in your pre-hold music opener [@twoptwips]
AVOID disappointing your family this Christmas by telling everyone you're planning a festive "Italian" dinner of pasta, tinned tomatoes and beans with your sprouts.
@TwopTwips
@TwopTwips
November 30, 2024 at 12:34 PM
AVOID disappointing your family this Christmas by telling everyone you're planning a festive "Italian" dinner of pasta, tinned tomatoes and beans with your sprouts.
@TwopTwips
@TwopTwips