ACME Sales Rep.
@acmesalesrep.bsky.social
Nice guy. Tries hard. Loves the game.
Well, we had a good run.
Groundhog predicts there are only 9 springs left
Wiarton Willie's dire warning: The Beaverton
YouTube video by The Beaverton
www.youtube.com
February 2, 2026 at 8:52 PM
Well, we had a good run.
Reposted by ACME Sales Rep.
new sleep paralysis demon just dropped
January 30, 2026 at 2:35 AM
new sleep paralysis demon just dropped
So: Went back to work today for the first time after my hip replacement. Forgot it was also curriculum night at the kid's school. Ended up doing 5,900+ steps and walking 2.7 miles, and while the muscles are sore I still feel so much better than I would’ve a month ago. It’s incredible.
January 29, 2026 at 2:34 AM
So: Went back to work today for the first time after my hip replacement. Forgot it was also curriculum night at the kid's school. Ended up doing 5,900+ steps and walking 2.7 miles, and while the muscles are sore I still feel so much better than I would’ve a month ago. It’s incredible.
@schumer.senate.gov These aren’t demands. These are concessions. You’re a gutless coward.
The public wants ICE abolished. Try listening to them instead of your imaginary friends.
The public wants ICE abolished. Try listening to them instead of your imaginary friends.
Chuck Schumer just announced demands on DHS to avoid shutdown:
1. End roving patrols, tighten rules on warrants
2. Enforce accountability & unified code of conduct for agents
3. No more masks & require bodycams
There are *already* standards on much of this.
The issue is DHS isn't following them!
1. End roving patrols, tighten rules on warrants
2. Enforce accountability & unified code of conduct for agents
3. No more masks & require bodycams
There are *already* standards on much of this.
The issue is DHS isn't following them!
January 29, 2026 at 1:58 AM
@schumer.senate.gov These aren’t demands. These are concessions. You’re a gutless coward.
The public wants ICE abolished. Try listening to them instead of your imaginary friends.
The public wants ICE abolished. Try listening to them instead of your imaginary friends.
“Jo Nesbo's Detective Hole” sounds like a dance club for private investigators.
These fraught times call for a show with what is either an intentionally or unintentionally hilarious title, and which I will be talking about for the rest of the year
January 28, 2026 at 7:13 PM
“Jo Nesbo's Detective Hole” sounds like a dance club for private investigators.
Of course Kristi Noem should be fired.
Of course she should be impeached.
Of course she should resign in disgrace.
But also, she should have never had the job in the first place.
Of course she should be impeached.
Of course she should resign in disgrace.
But also, she should have never had the job in the first place.
January 28, 2026 at 2:53 AM
TASKMASTER
January 28, 2026 at 1:28 AM
TASKMASTER
I just saw that Sean Bean is hosting a birding podcast. I can’t wait to see how the writers kill him off in that.
January 27, 2026 at 4:44 AM
I just saw that Sean Bean is hosting a birding podcast. I can’t wait to see how the writers kill him off in that.
Just gonna leave this here.
Fuck Amazon.
Fuck Amazon.
January 27, 2026 at 12:09 AM
Just gonna leave this here.
Fuck Amazon.
Fuck Amazon.
Hexachloroethane is a carcinogen and causes liver damage. It’s a chemical weapon and anyone exposed should be able to sue the asses off whoever deployed it.
“It was the green smoke: hexachloroethane, a chemical irritant they’ve been using. When those canisters go off, they pop and bang, kind of like a firework. Dozens of canisters were going off.“ On the ground in Minneapolis today -> www.theverge.com/policy/86741...
January 25, 2026 at 2:38 AM
Hexachloroethane is a carcinogen and causes liver damage. It’s a chemical weapon and anyone exposed should be able to sue the asses off whoever deployed it.
@gluesenkampperez.house.gov You have blood on your hands.
January 25, 2026 at 12:21 AM
@gluesenkampperez.house.gov You have blood on your hands.
@maggiehendricks.bsky.social Important news from my wife:
January 23, 2026 at 11:05 PM
@maggiehendricks.bsky.social Important news from my wife:
115° of hip flexion as measured by my PT yesterday.
So: Three weeks ago I was in a hospital room having just had my hip replaced. I am now walking unaided (though still not at 100% strength) with nothing more than some muscle soreness from physical therapy. Modern medicine is a goddamned miracle.
January 23, 2026 at 8:46 PM
115° of hip flexion as measured by my PT yesterday.
@hakeem-jeffries.bsky.social If you can’t whip your caucus, you can’t lead it. Resign.
Department of Homeland Security spending bill just passed 220-207 with the support of the following Democrats:
• Henry Cuellar
• Tom Suozzi
• Vicente Gonzalez
• Laura Gilles
• Marie Gluesenkamp Perez
• Jared Golden
• Don Davis
• Henry Cuellar
• Tom Suozzi
• Vicente Gonzalez
• Laura Gilles
• Marie Gluesenkamp Perez
• Jared Golden
• Don Davis
January 22, 2026 at 10:14 PM
@hakeem-jeffries.bsky.social If you can’t whip your caucus, you can’t lead it. Resign.
So: Three weeks ago I was in a hospital room having just had my hip replaced. I am now walking unaided (though still not at 100% strength) with nothing more than some muscle soreness from physical therapy. Modern medicine is a goddamned miracle.
January 22, 2026 at 4:21 AM
So: Three weeks ago I was in a hospital room having just had my hip replaced. I am now walking unaided (though still not at 100% strength) with nothing more than some muscle soreness from physical therapy. Modern medicine is a goddamned miracle.
@schumer.senate.gov @slotkin.senate.gov @peters.senate.gov
Any plans to do anything about this, or are you still trying to negotiate a budget deal that gives them more money?
(Continuing to fund ICE is how you lose donations and get primaried from the left, BTW.)
Any plans to do anything about this, or are you still trying to negotiate a budget deal that gives them more money?
(Continuing to fund ICE is how you lose donations and get primaried from the left, BTW.)
January 21, 2026 at 7:43 PM
@schumer.senate.gov @slotkin.senate.gov @peters.senate.gov
Any plans to do anything about this, or are you still trying to negotiate a budget deal that gives them more money?
(Continuing to fund ICE is how you lose donations and get primaried from the left, BTW.)
Any plans to do anything about this, or are you still trying to negotiate a budget deal that gives them more money?
(Continuing to fund ICE is how you lose donations and get primaried from the left, BTW.)
@schumer.senate.gov @hakeem-jeffries.bsky.social @slotkin.senate.gov @peters.senate.gov
Not a goddamned penny for ICE. If that means defunding DHS or shutting down the government, so be it.
Not a goddamned penny for ICE. If that means defunding DHS or shutting down the government, so be it.
Staring at a five-alarm fire, Democrats work up a good mouthful of spit.
www.huffpost.com/entry/trump-...
www.huffpost.com/entry/trump-...
Democrats Support Bill That Would Give ICE $10 Billion
The party has few good options for restraining ICE, which is flush with cash thanks to the passage of President Donald Trump’s One Big Beautiful Bill.
www.huffpost.com
January 20, 2026 at 7:30 PM
@schumer.senate.gov @hakeem-jeffries.bsky.social @slotkin.senate.gov @peters.senate.gov
Not a goddamned penny for ICE. If that means defunding DHS or shutting down the government, so be it.
Not a goddamned penny for ICE. If that means defunding DHS or shutting down the government, so be it.
[extreme Godspell voice] PRE-EE-EE-PARE THEE
January 20, 2026 at 4:20 PM
[extreme Godspell voice] PRE-EE-EE-PARE THEE
Reposted by ACME Sales Rep.
Three straight national championships for the Big Ten
January 20, 2026 at 5:45 AM
Three straight national championships for the Big Ten
Queen's Pizzeria, a Greek-owned pizza place that was a go-to whenever we had friends in town. Great pizza, great pasta, horrible parking lot. It burned down but the original owners had already opened another place with a lot of the same recipes.
Sunday night timeline cleanse
please tell me about your favorite lost restaurant (closed for at least 5 years, like I really want you to go back into the vault), why you loved it and what you ate there
please tell me about your favorite lost restaurant (closed for at least 5 years, like I really want you to go back into the vault), why you loved it and what you ate there
January 19, 2026 at 2:18 AM
Queen's Pizzeria, a Greek-owned pizza place that was a go-to whenever we had friends in town. Great pizza, great pasta, horrible parking lot. It burned down but the original owners had already opened another place with a lot of the same recipes.
I’m moving from “Abolish ICE and bar every member from ever working in law enforcement again“ to “Abolish ICE and put every member in a public registry like they do for sex offenders.”
This is the kind of shit that would make you completely outside the bounds of any ancient society, the gods bestow generational curses for violating hospitality
A few days ago, Fox News was whining about ICE agents getting heckled at a Mexican restaurant in Minneapolis.
Meanwhile, in the town of Willmar, ICE agents had lunch at a Mexican restaurant, waited until it closed, then confronted and arrested three workers as they left.
Meanwhile, in the town of Willmar, ICE agents had lunch at a Mexican restaurant, waited until it closed, then confronted and arrested three workers as they left.
January 18, 2026 at 3:11 AM
I’m moving from “Abolish ICE and bar every member from ever working in law enforcement again“ to “Abolish ICE and put every member in a public registry like they do for sex offenders.”
Worst. Tackle attempt by a kicker. Ever.
January 18, 2026 at 1:25 AM
Worst. Tackle attempt by a kicker. Ever.
And I said, what about
URINAL EPIPHANIES
The compiled Tales of Gary would be called The Garyiad.
The compiled Tales of Gary would be called The Garyiad.
January 17, 2026 at 8:24 PM
And I said, what about
Reposted by ACME Sales Rep.
