Casey
@captlaserpants.bsky.social
Mostly okay guy. Interests include frogs, owls, complaining. Jokes for no one.
Pinned
Casey
@captlaserpants.bsky.social
· Oct 19
When you’re mean to me on the internet, this is who you’re mean to
When you live in a Seinfeld episode setup
Overheard at HEB this morning:
"Wait, you're telling me vinegar smells like that because it's Jewish?"
"...what are you talking about?"
"You said it smells that way because of the Hasidic acid."
"ACETIC ACID. ACETIC!"
"Wait, you're telling me vinegar smells like that because it's Jewish?"
"...what are you talking about?"
"You said it smells that way because of the Hasidic acid."
"ACETIC ACID. ACETIC!"
November 26, 2025 at 7:40 PM
When you live in a Seinfeld episode setup
Your preference for white meat is rooted in racism
November 26, 2025 at 6:45 PM
Your preference for white meat is rooted in racism
I suspect there is some secret agenda involved in Glenn Powell being in everything nowadays
November 26, 2025 at 6:39 PM
I suspect there is some secret agenda involved in Glenn Powell being in everything nowadays
“Bigfoot is real, mom!”
November 26, 2025 at 2:43 PM
“Bigfoot is real, mom!”
This applies today, as well
Nobody with an email job is doing work today. And if they say they are working, they’re dirty liars. Bless folks in healthcare, retail, food, postal, etc doing real work today. I love you and hope no one bothers you.
November 26, 2025 at 1:33 PM
This applies today, as well
“Charlie Brown had hoes” food opinion
Apple pie is bad. This is not really debatable. So is key lime pie, while we’re on the topic. Pecan pie is the 🐐 tho.
November 26, 2025 at 1:16 AM
“Charlie Brown had hoes” food opinion
Sacre bleu! Zee crafty American podcaster has outwitted us once again.
Looks like it’s going to be another perfectly normal day from the American right-wing.
November 25, 2025 at 3:55 PM
Sacre bleu! Zee crafty American podcaster has outwitted us once again.
Reposted by Casey
I’m not sure which is more offensive: putting the eugenics movie on this list or putting Elf on it
The movie listed at #1 is so incredibly misplaced that it calls into question the veracity of the entire list. It belongs on the list, yes, but SO MUCH further down. An absolute, credibility-wrecking flub. Boo, @variety.com! Boo!
variety.com/lists/best-c...
variety.com/lists/best-c...
The 100 Best Comedy Movies of All Time
Variety's list of the 100 best comedy movies of all time includes 'Annie Hall,' 'Pretty Woman,' 'Waiting for Guffman' and 'Young Frankenstein.'
variety.com
November 25, 2025 at 4:04 AM
I’m not sure which is more offensive: putting the eugenics movie on this list or putting Elf on it
I’m not sure which is more offensive: putting the eugenics movie on this list or putting Elf on it
The movie listed at #1 is so incredibly misplaced that it calls into question the veracity of the entire list. It belongs on the list, yes, but SO MUCH further down. An absolute, credibility-wrecking flub. Boo, @variety.com! Boo!
variety.com/lists/best-c...
variety.com/lists/best-c...
The 100 Best Comedy Movies of All Time
Variety's list of the 100 best comedy movies of all time includes 'Annie Hall,' 'Pretty Woman,' 'Waiting for Guffman' and 'Young Frankenstein.'
variety.com
November 25, 2025 at 4:04 AM
I’m not sure which is more offensive: putting the eugenics movie on this list or putting Elf on it
“Charlie Brown had hoes” Star war opinion
November 24, 2025 at 8:00 PM
“Charlie Brown had hoes” Star war opinion
Reposted by Casey
Science calls it the Victoria crowned pigeon. I call it the FANCYBIRD
November 24, 2025 at 12:24 AM
Science calls it the Victoria crowned pigeon. I call it the FANCYBIRD
Where we’re going, we won’t need eyes to see, Charlie Brown.
You're too short for that gesture, Charlie Brown
We all float down here, Charlie Brown
November 24, 2025 at 1:48 AM
Where we’re going, we won’t need eyes to see, Charlie Brown.
Science calls it the Victoria crowned pigeon. I call it the FANCYBIRD
November 24, 2025 at 12:24 AM
Science calls it the Victoria crowned pigeon. I call it the FANCYBIRD
Stop saying raccoons are evolving to become domesticated
November 23, 2025 at 1:25 PM
Stop saying raccoons are evolving to become domesticated
Reposted by Casey
Pretzel-flavored hard seltzer
November 21, 2025 at 10:12 PM
Pretzel-flavored hard seltzer
I’m sharing the gospel of Event Horizon with ladyfriend tonight
November 21, 2025 at 7:49 PM
I’m sharing the gospel of Event Horizon with ladyfriend tonight
Reposted by Casey
I LOVE PROOFREADING LETS FIND SOME ERRORS
February 20, 2025 at 2:47 PM
I LOVE PROOFREADING LETS FIND SOME ERRORS
“Do you think Bigfoot is real?”
November 21, 2025 at 3:50 PM
“Do you think Bigfoot is real?”
Reposted by Casey
What if booze was named after that annoying kid from third grade?
Josh Wine.
Josh Wine.
November 20, 2025 at 11:51 PM
What if booze was named after that annoying kid from third grade?
Josh Wine.
Josh Wine.
There’s a Lego resale/trading store opening near Pittsburgh and it’s in…
*checks notes*
Zelienople???
*checks notes*
Zelienople???
November 20, 2025 at 8:37 PM
There’s a Lego resale/trading store opening near Pittsburgh and it’s in…
*checks notes*
Zelienople???
*checks notes*
Zelienople???
Pulling Meghan McCain numbers
"The Barnes and Noble in York—where Fetterman was born and raised—had sold zero copies. The Barnes and Noble in Philadelphia had sold two copies. An independent store in Pittsburgh and an independent store in Philadelphia each told me they weren’t stocking Unfettered" defector.com/john-fetterm...
John Fetterman's Memoir Is As Low-Effort As His Senate Tenure | Defector
John Fetterman’s just-released memoir, Unfettered, argues that he’s turned a corner and has everything under control. Fetterman was a “stubborn asshole” (his words), he was clinically depressed, he wa...
defector.com
November 20, 2025 at 8:33 PM
Pulling Meghan McCain numbers
Sounds woke to me
I think its pretty clear that ww2 movies are in fact load bearing in the culture and we probably need to mandate a few every year
November 20, 2025 at 7:43 PM
Sounds woke to me