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Chris Rand

@chrisrand.com

610 followers 290 following 18K posts

Ipswich, England. "In a Venn Diagram of one" – The Guardian. • Curator of the Half Man Half Biscuit Lyrics Project. #hmhb • Supporter of Ipswich Town FC. #itfc • Expect to see mainly stuff that amused me. https://chrisrand.com

chrisrand.com

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Reposted by Chris Rand

Richard Kadrey @richardkadrey.bsky.social · 19h

Good morning.
I don't know who did this, but I love you.

An abandoned building by the beach where a window overlooks the sea. The water through the window resembles a painting, so someone has scrawled Free Rothko on the wall.

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Jim Waterson @jim.londoncentric.media · 18h

The rebrand really is somehow even worse in the flesh, is someone doing some elaborate short selling / asset stripping scam here.

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Reposted by Chris Rand

Russ Swan @russs.bsky.social · 11h

Anybody who has spent any time as an editor will be familiar with The Editors' Curse. That's the thing where any typo, no matter how fleeting, leaps out and demands attention. Tonight I'm watching an old episode of Andromeda, and this is on the opening credits. I'm embarrassed for Eric.

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Chris Rand @chrisrand.com · 15h

Back at the Cambridge Corn Exchange? With my reputation? 🤗

Chris Rand @chrisrand.com · 1d

Even older than that! First performed live in September 2010 as a guest spot in the middle of a Half Man Half Biscuit gig. Fair play to all involved.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=FquV...

Dean Friedman

YouTube video by 40138

www.youtube.com

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Chris Rand @chrisrand.com · 1d

halfmanhalfbiscuit.uk/lyrics/urge-...

Westward Ho! – Massive Letdown — Lyrics and Discussion

See the lyrics to 'Westward Ho! - Massive Letdown' by Half Man Half Biscuit from their 2014 album 'Urge For Offal', nailed down by fans after much discussion.

halfmanhalfbiscuit.uk

Reposted by Chris Rand

Ian Walker @fenlandgent.bsky.social · 1d

It’s the only American sport I watch. Americans can ruin anything with money and hyperbole, but despite that, baseball just about retains the occasional sighting of energetic innocence and ingenuity. It’s still about the talented ‘everyman’ metaphorically and literally playing the angles.

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Ian Walker @fenlandgent.bsky.social · 1d

The World Series did make me like the USA a bit more, there was quite a lot of the energy that Walt Whitman describes in his line about it being "America's game; it has the snap, go, fling of the American atmosphere."

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Chris Rand @chrisrand.com · 1d

"This is just one of the more brazen attempts to sidestep a new law requiring restaurants to pass tips to their staff in full. No matter what senior management call it, customers will assume that this charge is a tip that should go to workers but it won’t..."

www.londoncentric.media/p/admin-char...

Goodbye service charge, hello 'admin fee'

Plus: The difficulty of sourcing live snails for a London restaurant and a tribute to one of London's leading American candy shops.

www.londoncentric.media

Chris Rand @chrisrand.com · 1d

Whenever something like a sports result makes me grumpy, I restore my faith in the joy of humanity and Being British by watching Crackerjack do "Making Plans For Nigel". Always, always worth a rewatch.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=n5Lr...

Crackerjack team take on XTC's Making Plans For Nigel

YouTube video by Paul Putner

www.youtube.com

Reposted by Chris Rand

Dean ☕ 🤘🏻 @kaakaapo.bsky.social · 2d

Beer named after a Half Man Half Biscuit song demands to be drank.

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Chris Rand @chrisrand.com · 3d

He wants to look through the posts of everyone he follows. Or is followed by.

Reposted by Chris Rand

Stephen Collins @stephencollins.bsky.social · 4d

If you're a National Trust member, it's that time of year again: Midnight tonight is the deadline. It's a shame people have to keep doing this to keep a toehold on historical truth in this country, but here we are. Voting link: www.nationaltrust.org.uk/who-we-are/a...

[Scene is the entrance cabin to a NATIONAL TRUST PROPERTY AND GARDENS]

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NATIONAL TRUST EMPLOYEE [inside cabin]:

Hello there

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[A young family - two parents two kids - have arrived at the front desk].

DAD:

Hi - do you have an activity trail, for the kids?

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NT EMPLOYEE:

Of course – you’re just in time for the Autumn Gammon Trail!

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MUM:
That sounds fun, doesn’t it kids?

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NT EMPLOYEE [handing an activity sheet and pencils to the kids]:

Every autumn, the Reform Trust gammons flock back to the National Trust for the AGM. Just follow the trail round the grounds, and see how many you can spot!

6
NT EMPLOYEE [hearing something in the gardens]:

Listen - that's their call

[Calls emanating from the landscape]:

tut-tut
woke-woke

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NT EMPLOYEE [showing the family an apparently empty fenced enclosure with some bushes in]:

They are extremely sensitive and fragile...
But you can bring them out of hiding if you put a little sign down mentioning slavery.

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KIDS [pointing]:
There they are!

[Some little red faced PEOPLE wearing Barbour jackets and gilets emerge cautiously from the bushes. They are creeping towards a TINY SIGN in the middle of the enclosure].

[Little people noises]:
woke-woke
tut-tut
woke-woke

9
[Close-up of the TINY SIGN - we can read that it says]:

Slavery had a bit to do with building this massive house.

[Noises from the little people again as they inspect the tiny sign]:

tut-tut
woke-woke

10
MUM [pointing]:
What's that one doing there?

NT EMPLOYEE:
Oh, that's so sweet…

11
[We see that one of the people is sat on a rock, with a little laptop open on a tree stump, and they are furiously typing away].

NT EMPLOYEE:
I think he's writing a column for the Daily Telegraph…

12
[We see close up to the little person’s screen, it is a word document reading]:

Are National Trust scones secretly WOKE?

[ends]

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Moose Allain @mooseallain.bsky.social · 16d

Andrew is a sort of non-prince now, a… well, I’m sure there’s some sort of portmanteau word that would describe him well.

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Mark Hamill @markhamillofficial.bsky.social · 7d

I have a very bad feeling about this...

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Rhodri Marsden @rhodri.biz · 8d

Was just reading about the history of BST, clocks changing etc, and discovered that the dude who campaigned for it in the early 20th century, a builder called William Willett, is the great-great grandfather of Chris Martin from Coldplay, which is what the song “Clocks” should be about, but isn’t

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Bainesic Channel @bain4z.bsky.social · 8d

The Guardian report that All Tech is Amazing

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Jason @nickmotown.bsky.social · Jan 22

I normally can’t stand quirky toilet signs, but seeing as this is The Carpenters Arms in Cambridge, I will allow it.

Two toilet doors, one with “Richard” on it, and “Karen” on the other.

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Dan Snow @thehistoryguy.bsky.social · 11d

Next time your mate is deep in a reverie about the immutable, exceptional nature of English identity, you might want to show them this picture and remind them that 300 years ago this would have been enough to send the entire kingdom into a revolutionary, effigy burning, chapel torching frenzy

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Larry & Paul @larryandpaul.bsky.social · 12d

🚨 BREAKING: Keira Knightley Writes Children's Book - The Latest In a Long Line Of Celebs.

👇🏻 Please watch, like and share this important update using the hashtag #BrokenNews.

youtu.be/MHNhvA9nL4I?...

Another Celeb Writes Lazy Children's Book - #BrokenNews

YouTube video by Larry & Paul

youtu.be

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Reposted by Chris Rand

Roland Smith @rolandmcs.bsky.social · 12d

Good Morning from Global Britain.

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Chris Rand @chrisrand.com · 13d

I was involved at an early stage with this, and we found around 230 places – Ed's done an amazing job to get most of them on, shame there had to be some casualties. Maybe there'll be a version 2.0 (people have already pointed out a couple of errors and typos which have been fixed!).

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Chris Rand @chrisrand.com · 14d

halfmanhalfbiscuit.uk/lyrics/all-a...

McCalliog And His Hens – The Half Man Half Biscuit Lyrics Project

The lyrics to 'Mccalliog And His Hens' by Half Man Half Biscuit, still banging out the classics in 2025 with the album 'All Asimov and No Fresh Air'.

halfmanhalfbiscuit.uk

Reposted by Chris Rand

weloveallthat @weloveallthat.bsky.social · 17d

Chat GPT keeping me freshly informed with the latest pop gossip

Chat GPT generated text:

"Nigel Blackwell, the British musician best known as the lead singer and guitarist of the indie rock band Half Man Half Biscuit, has an estimated net worth of approximately $292.5 million. This substantial wealth primarily stems from his involvement in the publishing industry."

The claim is accompanied by a recent picture of Blackwell presumably in the middle of singing a Half Man Half Biscuit song.

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Reposted by Chris Rand

Jack Saundrs @jacksaundrs.bsky.social · 17d

If fans of an English team went to a foreign city, attacked locals, damaged property, sang racist songs and songs praising racist violence, literally every authority in England would support banning them from travelling. There would be zero caveats about how the locals had behaved towards them.

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