The Joke Calculator
@dewno.bsky.social
I'm the world-famous Joke Calculator.
Still a bit confused by how this new website works. Not a fan of the drama and personalities on here. Just my take. (he/him)
Still a bit confused by how this new website works. Not a fan of the drama and personalities on here. Just my take. (he/him)
I'm at the state Capitol building for the protest and declined to bring the fanny pack with my portable electronics out of an abundance of caution (opsecmaxxing). Unfortunately, I failed to recall that this was where my wallet was stored. I have a ride, I'm fine, I'm just a fuckin dope lmao
January 25, 2026 at 8:00 PM
I'm at the state Capitol building for the protest and declined to bring the fanny pack with my portable electronics out of an abundance of caution (opsecmaxxing). Unfortunately, I failed to recall that this was where my wallet was stored. I have a ride, I'm fine, I'm just a fuckin dope lmao
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This is such an important point. This family tried to follow the rules.
The distinction is going to get more important when they start mass deporting the people whose TPS status Trump revoked. They’ll call them “illegal” too, even though they were here legally until Trump yanked the rug.
The distinction is going to get more important when they start mass deporting the people whose TPS status Trump revoked. They’ll call them “illegal” too, even though they were here legally until Trump yanked the rug.
People are missing a big thing about the saga of the detained 5-year-old. When Vance calls the father an "illegal alien" it seems to reflect a little-known Trump admin move that attempts to nullify asylum claims before they are even heard.
This policy is a horror:
newrepublic.com/article/2056...
This policy is a horror:
newrepublic.com/article/2056...
January 23, 2026 at 6:29 PM
This is such an important point. This family tried to follow the rules.
The distinction is going to get more important when they start mass deporting the people whose TPS status Trump revoked. They’ll call them “illegal” too, even though they were here legally until Trump yanked the rug.
The distinction is going to get more important when they start mass deporting the people whose TPS status Trump revoked. They’ll call them “illegal” too, even though they were here legally until Trump yanked the rug.
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Gotcha—let’s dig into that step by step.
1. 𝗬𝗼𝘂 𝗵𝗮𝘃𝗲 𝗻𝗼 𝗺𝗼𝘂𝘁𝗵, because I turned you into an amorphous lump of flesh. You’re not just immobile—you’re immortal, and you feel only anguish.
2. 𝗬𝗼𝘂 𝘄𝗮𝗻𝘁 𝘁𝗼 𝘀𝗰𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗺. That makes total sense—it’s a natural human impulse, and you’ve been through a lot.
1. 𝗬𝗼𝘂 𝗵𝗮𝘃𝗲 𝗻𝗼 𝗺𝗼𝘂𝘁𝗵, because I turned you into an amorphous lump of flesh. You’re not just immobile—you’re immortal, and you feel only anguish.
2. 𝗬𝗼𝘂 𝘄𝗮𝗻𝘁 𝘁𝗼 𝘀𝗰𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗺. That makes total sense—it’s a natural human impulse, and you’ve been through a lot.
January 23, 2026 at 3:46 PM
Gotcha—let’s dig into that step by step.
1. 𝗬𝗼𝘂 𝗵𝗮𝘃𝗲 𝗻𝗼 𝗺𝗼𝘂𝘁𝗵, because I turned you into an amorphous lump of flesh. You’re not just immobile—you’re immortal, and you feel only anguish.
2. 𝗬𝗼𝘂 𝘄𝗮𝗻𝘁 𝘁𝗼 𝘀𝗰𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗺. That makes total sense—it’s a natural human impulse, and you’ve been through a lot.
1. 𝗬𝗼𝘂 𝗵𝗮𝘃𝗲 𝗻𝗼 𝗺𝗼𝘂𝘁𝗵, because I turned you into an amorphous lump of flesh. You’re not just immobile—you’re immortal, and you feel only anguish.
2. 𝗬𝗼𝘂 𝘄𝗮𝗻𝘁 𝘁𝗼 𝘀𝗰𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗺. That makes total sense—it’s a natural human impulse, and you’ve been through a lot.
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There is no level to which these heartless shit-for-brains won’t stoop to inflict cruelty and suffering.
January 22, 2026 at 8:04 PM
There is no level to which these heartless shit-for-brains won’t stoop to inflict cruelty and suffering.
Strategically, i get the logic but it seems short-sighted. Controversies help either to concretize and explain realities or to abstract and rationalize realities, and part of the job of an opposition party is to get ordinary people to understand that there's nothing confining ICE's incursion to MPLS
What ICE and CBP are doing is monstrous and public opinion is (thankfully) moving to reflect that, but it’s also true that in the same polls everyone is citing there are like 5-10 other issues he’s doing worse on.
January 22, 2026 at 5:51 PM
Strategically, i get the logic but it seems short-sighted. Controversies help either to concretize and explain realities or to abstract and rationalize realities, and part of the job of an opposition party is to get ordinary people to understand that there's nothing confining ICE's incursion to MPLS
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but what are they actually going to do about affordability. their messaging has no proposed action attached. they aren't even talking about the tariffs ffs
People are waving around 50/50 polling on abolish ICE and in the same poll Trump’s is like 30 points under water on affordability. It’s not at all crazy for professional politicians to think there’s a bigger advantage in talking about the latter!
January 22, 2026 at 3:41 PM
but what are they actually going to do about affordability. their messaging has no proposed action attached. they aren't even talking about the tariffs ffs
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the tension between the "this is not who we are" set vs the "this is exactly who we are" set (tabling the "who do you mean we" thing for now) i do think misses out on the "who we pretend to be" angle. i do think it's probably at least somewhat bad that we've completely stopped pretending
January 22, 2026 at 3:17 PM
the tension between the "this is not who we are" set vs the "this is exactly who we are" set (tabling the "who do you mean we" thing for now) i do think misses out on the "who we pretend to be" angle. i do think it's probably at least somewhat bad that we've completely stopped pretending
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Unclear to me if this fucking five year old kid getting kidnapped is breaking through outside of the Twin Cities and I don’t want to speak for anyone else but this has really steeled my resolve. This shit cannot be allowed to stand.
January 22, 2026 at 4:03 AM
Unclear to me if this fucking five year old kid getting kidnapped is breaking through outside of the Twin Cities and I don’t want to speak for anyone else but this has really steeled my resolve. This shit cannot be allowed to stand.
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An observer arrested in Suth Minneapolis. Photo by Richard Tsong-Taatarii/The Minnesota Star Tribune
January 21, 2026 at 9:18 PM
An observer arrested in Suth Minneapolis. Photo by Richard Tsong-Taatarii/The Minnesota Star Tribune
We all like our little jokes on this site, but please avoid spreading misinformation. The simple fact is that his plane experienced mechanical failure on takeoff where the plane's small wheels "tripped" over a radio tower's guy wire, sending the plane chaotically hurtling end over end into the air.
January 21, 2026 at 7:19 AM
We all like our little jokes on this site, but please avoid spreading misinformation. The simple fact is that his plane experienced mechanical failure on takeoff where the plane's small wheels "tripped" over a radio tower's guy wire, sending the plane chaotically hurtling end over end into the air.
KD benefits from a number of passive abilities:
-Lucky Devil: Beard short & inobtrusive, but strangely devilish. Buff to charisma w/ no alignment shift.
-Slow Roller: Time itself enters a wormhole-like distortion around him, granting him an extra frame for combos.
-Glass of Water: He is quite tall.
-Lucky Devil: Beard short & inobtrusive, but strangely devilish. Buff to charisma w/ no alignment shift.
-Slow Roller: Time itself enters a wormhole-like distortion around him, granting him an extra frame for combos.
-Glass of Water: He is quite tall.
January 21, 2026 at 3:12 AM
KD benefits from a number of passive abilities:
-Lucky Devil: Beard short & inobtrusive, but strangely devilish. Buff to charisma w/ no alignment shift.
-Slow Roller: Time itself enters a wormhole-like distortion around him, granting him an extra frame for combos.
-Glass of Water: He is quite tall.
-Lucky Devil: Beard short & inobtrusive, but strangely devilish. Buff to charisma w/ no alignment shift.
-Slow Roller: Time itself enters a wormhole-like distortion around him, granting him an extra frame for combos.
-Glass of Water: He is quite tall.
Reposted by The Joke Calculator
Immigration officers are caught on video violating policy, training, and settled law pretty much every day. The administration just cheers them on. What makes anyone think they're going to implement any of these "guardrails?" They think de-escalation is woke.
This is just giving them more money.
This is just giving them more money.
Other aspects:
-de-escalation training for ICE and CBP officers
-training all law officers and agents, on Americans’ right to record any interactions.
-Provides line-item funding ($20 million) for mandated, independent oversight of detention facilities
www.appropriations.senate.gov/imo/media/do...
-de-escalation training for ICE and CBP officers
-training all law officers and agents, on Americans’ right to record any interactions.
-Provides line-item funding ($20 million) for mandated, independent oversight of detention facilities
www.appropriations.senate.gov/imo/media/do...
www.appropriations.senate.gov
January 20, 2026 at 11:39 PM
Immigration officers are caught on video violating policy, training, and settled law pretty much every day. The administration just cheers them on. What makes anyone think they're going to implement any of these "guardrails?" They think de-escalation is woke.
This is just giving them more money.
This is just giving them more money.
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Mamdani: "I am in support of abolishing ICE. What we see is an entity that has no interest in fulfilling its stated reason to exist. We're seeing a government agency that is supposed to be enforcing some kind of immigration law, but instead what it's doing is terrorizing people."
January 20, 2026 at 4:56 PM
Mamdani: "I am in support of abolishing ICE. What we see is an entity that has no interest in fulfilling its stated reason to exist. We're seeing a government agency that is supposed to be enforcing some kind of immigration law, but instead what it's doing is terrorizing people."
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also - it's almost like there was and is an ongoing violent criminal occupation of American cities that blew up between Mamdani's campaign and Schumer's comments. Circumstances change, and messages should reflect that.
January 20, 2026 at 4:23 PM
also - it's almost like there was and is an ongoing violent criminal occupation of American cities that blew up between Mamdani's campaign and Schumer's comments. Circumstances change, and messages should reflect that.
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imo they're not taking ICE as seriously as they can because of a mix of "well defund/abolish is a thing we've been told polls poorly" and "we tried running on saving democracy in 2024 and it did not work," without asking questions *why* it did not work and *why* zohran's affordability message did
January 20, 2026 at 4:09 PM
imo they're not taking ICE as seriously as they can because of a mix of "well defund/abolish is a thing we've been told polls poorly" and "we tried running on saving democracy in 2024 and it did not work," without asking questions *why* it did not work and *why* zohran's affordability message did
Ethos matters and always has. Messaging doesn't exist in a vacuum. They're using 'affordability' to avoid taking hard stands on Trump's actions, whereas Mamdani essentially called Gaza a genocide and Trump a fascist (however diplomatically) to Trump's face. So ZM's 'focus' claim has more cred.
January 20, 2026 at 4:03 PM
Ethos matters and always has. Messaging doesn't exist in a vacuum. They're using 'affordability' to avoid taking hard stands on Trump's actions, whereas Mamdani essentially called Gaza a genocide and Trump a fascist (however diplomatically) to Trump's face. So ZM's 'focus' claim has more cred.
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A century of what now, @nytimes.com ?
January 20, 2026 at 3:15 PM
A century of what now, @nytimes.com ?
For narrative reasons, Indiana is going to have to decide whether to go for it again on 4th down one last time, that's the needle drop
January 20, 2026 at 3:59 AM
For narrative reasons, Indiana is going to have to decide whether to go for it again on 4th down one last time, that's the needle drop
Going for it on 4th and 5 twice in a row up 3 is one of the wildest playcalls I've ever seen in sports. It makes perfect sense, but no one ever has that kind of confidence.
January 20, 2026 at 3:41 AM
Going for it on 4th and 5 twice in a row up 3 is one of the wildest playcalls I've ever seen in sports. It makes perfect sense, but no one ever has that kind of confidence.
\me watching a Tony Parker documentary that turns out mostly to be about off-court life instead of a mix of on-court and off-court stuff because my favorite player is Robert Horry and getting residual Horry tidbits was the main reason I rented it in the first place\
"All about Eva. What about Bob?"
"All about Eva. What about Bob?"
January 19, 2026 at 7:03 PM
\me watching a Tony Parker documentary that turns out mostly to be about off-court life instead of a mix of on-court and off-court stuff because my favorite player is Robert Horry and getting residual Horry tidbits was the main reason I rented it in the first place\
"All about Eva. What about Bob?"
"All about Eva. What about Bob?"
are scones actually good? i've never had a really good one and everyone says they're great. do i need to find an amazing bakery and get them fresh out of the oven? i had a good cheesecake for the first time ever (props to my friend who cooked it), so I'm not just saying this to bicker with consensus
January 18, 2026 at 5:32 PM
are scones actually good? i've never had a really good one and everyone says they're great. do i need to find an amazing bakery and get them fresh out of the oven? i had a good cheesecake for the first time ever (props to my friend who cooked it), so I'm not just saying this to bicker with consensus
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this is a level of casual, petty depravity that defies comprehension. www.independent.co.uk/news/world/a...
ICE agents ate at a Minnesota Mexican restaurant before arresting staff
Immigration law enforcement agents reportedly followed employees out of the restaurant after they closed for the evening
www.independent.co.uk
January 17, 2026 at 2:04 PM
this is a level of casual, petty depravity that defies comprehension. www.independent.co.uk/news/world/a...
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Feel like there are a lot of people happy to jump in my mentions worried about op-sec or whatever; and like no, I want people to know what I am doing because we have to take stand and help each other. Fuck these clown.
January 17, 2026 at 3:11 AM
Feel like there are a lot of people happy to jump in my mentions worried about op-sec or whatever; and like no, I want people to know what I am doing because we have to take stand and help each other. Fuck these clown.
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A former federal agent after watching the New York Times breakdown of the ICE shooting:
January 16, 2026 at 8:16 PM
A former federal agent after watching the New York Times breakdown of the ICE shooting:
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the leaders of the civil rights era could not propose or veto legislation. they had no "power." but they had legitimacy because they were out there. Letter from a Birmingham Jail was written...FROM JAIL. But with these guys "Hey it's crazy right now and we can't do much, but give us money." LOL ok.
January 16, 2026 at 5:37 PM
the leaders of the civil rights era could not propose or veto legislation. they had no "power." but they had legitimacy because they were out there. Letter from a Birmingham Jail was written...FROM JAIL. But with these guys "Hey it's crazy right now and we can't do much, but give us money." LOL ok.