Lightnews — Scholar-powered news

Ian Fortified with Sexy (but spooky) Vitamins

@ianfortey.bsky.social

6.5K followers 1.6K following 19K posts

🍁NY Times & Amazon best-selling horror and comedy writer. Taco supporter & food writer. Author of WereCage & a book about Eve6. Bon vivant and lustrous man about town. Here's my books, you beautiful buggers - https://books2read.com/b/werecage

books2read.com

Posts Media Videos Starter Packs

Pinned

Ian Fortified with Sexy (but spooky) Vitamins @ianfortey.bsky.social · Mar 15

You can buy my books on all kinds of sites that in no way enrich Jeff Bezos, if you want to. Click the link and find all 4 of my self published novels at over a dozen different vendors! Woo!

books2read.com/ap/xdXkEP/Ia...

the cover of my book Do Velociraptors Dream of Alternative Rock. It's red and features the silhoutette of a raptor chasing a stick man

the cover of my book Shit's About to Get Weird. It's black and white with yellow letters and a creepy, yellow-eyed cat thing.

the cover of my book WereCage. It's purple, with the moon in the top corner, and features a stickman chasing another stickman.

the cover of my book When Demons Drea. It features a pink gradient and a demon stickman with a pitch fork chasing a much smaller stickman.

4 6 39

Ian Fortified with Sexy (but spooky) Vitamins @ianfortey.bsky.social · 6m

Pomp and pageantry is what im all about now. Plus butts. Plus pie.

Ian Fortified with Sexy (but spooky) Vitamins @ianfortey.bsky.social · 14m

I always do stuffing prep the day before, too. So that means dining up about 4 onions and a mess of celery.

4 peeled and halved onions on a cutting board next to a cutting g board covered in celery

Ian Fortified with Sexy (but spooky) Vitamins @ianfortey.bsky.social · 22m

I'm being ever so decadent.

1 1

Ian Fortified with Sexy (but spooky) Vitamins @ianfortey.bsky.social · 26m

There's an extra old cheddar and a regular old cheddar, there's smoked gouda, Swiss emmental, mozzarella, and havarti.

1 1

Ian Fortified with Sexy (but spooky) Vitamins @ianfortey.bsky.social · 33m

And now 6 kinds of cheese grated and ready for mac and cheesening.

Four bags of grated cheese. They don't want very different, but one has emmental, one has aged cheddar and kind of one has smoked gouda, and one has another age cheddar with mozzarella and havarti

2 2

Ian Fortified with Sexy (but spooky) Vitamins @ianfortey.bsky.social · 43m

Here is the sour cream cranberry pie. I'll make whipped cream to go on it tomorrow. This is sugar, cornstarch, cinnamon, cloves, dried cranberries, vanilla, sour cream, half & half, and egg yolk. Cooked it up, tempered my yolks, mixed it all in then into the pie crust. Hopefully the custard sets!

A sour cream and cranberry pie which is just a wet Custard in the pie shell right now

1 5

Ian Fortified with Sexy (but spooky) Vitamins @ianfortey.bsky.social · 50m

Holey moley

Ian Fortified with Sexy (but spooky) Vitamins @ianfortey.bsky.social · 1h

Hells yeah it would!

1 1

Ian Fortified with Sexy (but spooky) Vitamins @ianfortey.bsky.social · 1h

I want to eat pie with you.

1 2

Ian Fortified with Sexy (but spooky) Vitamins @ianfortey.bsky.social · 1h

I dont have to eat 2 pies by myself! Woo!

1 1

Ian Fortified with Sexy (but spooky) Vitamins @ianfortey.bsky.social · 1h

Every rumor is true.

Ian Fortified with Sexy (but spooky) Vitamins @ianfortey.bsky.social · 1h

This is good because I did boil 18 eggs for deviled eggs already.

1 6

Ian Fortified with Sexy (but spooky) Vitamins @ianfortey.bsky.social · 1h

So my Thanksgiving got canceled last minute and now I have pivoted to making dinner with the turkey that my neighbor just gave me for some people at the retirement home near my house. So that should be fun, at least. Wasn't really planning on cooking a whole meal, I can whip something up.

2 12

Ian Fortified with Sexy (but spooky) Vitamins @ianfortey.bsky.social · 2h

You would not believe how often this happens to me. I can't resist a hole.

AmeriKraut @inchargeofthegirls.bsky.social · 1d

sherman, for the love of god!

1 1 4

Ian Fortified with Sexy (but spooky) Vitamins @ianfortey.bsky.social · 2h

All hail devil pie! Baked in the fires of hell (my oven)!

An apple pie, baked golden brown with a little brown devil on top

1 2 13

Ian Fortified with Sexy (but spooky) Vitamins @ianfortey.bsky.social · 4h

Behold! Apple pie! Filling made from Gala apples, butter, brown sugar, ginger, clove, nutmeg, allspice, cinnamon, balsamic and white sugar. Then a tiny dough devil on top because dough devil uses lazy lattice yeeaaahhh!!

Homemade apple pie that is not covered yet so you can see all the Dooney brown sauce and apples

I extremely poor man's lattice over pie with a tiny dough Devil with currant eyes on it

3 16

Ian Fortified with Sexy (but spooky) Vitamins @ianfortey.bsky.social · 5h

Pie time is commencing!

Gonna try another apple pie since I have enough dough for a second crust,see if I can't improve on my mistakes from before.

2 9

Ian Fortified with Sexy (but spooky) Vitamins @ianfortey.bsky.social · 6h

Yes!

Ian Fortified with Sexy (but spooky) Vitamins @ianfortey.bsky.social · 6h

There are a lot of songs on my playlist specifically because of James Gunn.

1 6

Ian Fortified with Sexy (but spooky) Vitamins @ianfortey.bsky.social · 6h

Oh no! I did that thing again where I came up with an idea so absurd that I fell in love with it and want to write it for real.

Ian Fortified with Sexy (but spooky) Vitamins @ianfortey.bsky.social · 6h

Say no more. My screenplay about how Jonesy was actually a member of a race of super intelligent cats that were sworn enemies of the Engineers and he needs to enlist his trusted human friend Ripley from an alternate dimension to stop a Xenomorph Queen/Engineer hybrid is on the way!

FANGORIA @fangoria.bsky.social · 6h

Will Ripley return to the ALIEN franchise? According to star Sigourney Weaver, an “extraordinary” new script could tempt her back.

Sigourney Weaver Addresses Potential ALIEN Franchise Return After Reading “Extraordinary” New Script

Will Ripley return to the ALIEN franchise? According to star Sigourney Weaver, an “extraordinary” new script could tempt her back.

dlvr.it

3 11

Ian Fortified with Sexy (but spooky) Vitamins @ianfortey.bsky.social · 8h

@jamesgunn.bsky.social OK, how about a Deadman movie in which he enlists Adebayo to help him solve his own murder?

Ian Fortified with Sexy (but spooky) Vitamins @ianfortey.bsky.social · 8h

If the final scene was Deadpool giving Chris some shit, I don't care how much fan service you accuse it of being, I would have screamed and pointed at my TV.

Culture Crave 🍿 @culturecrave.co · 12h

James Gunn talked to Ryan Reynolds about Deadpool showing up in the ‘Peacemaker’ S2 finale

“I think we would've had to go through some pretty big hoops”

(via IGN)

Ian Fortified with Sexy (but spooky) Vitamins @ianfortey.bsky.social · 8h

I hope by the end of the month the only thing any news network can show of Portland is footage of masked men in body armor with automatic weapons facing down a magical army of giant, puffy animal people armed with fans and awkward dance moves.

Jason❌ @gizmosspace.bsky.social · 10h

This is awesome.

11 70 230

Ian Fortified with Sexy (but spooky) Vitamins @ianfortey.bsky.social · 8h

Mmm, damn, hello there!

Care to go to a Nelson concert??