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The Onion

@theonion.com

Terrified Conservatives Lose Ability To Speak English After Exposure To Bad Bunny Performance https://theonion.com/terrified-conservatives-lose-ability-to-speak-english-after-exposure-to-bad-bunny-performance-dios-mio-cry-millions-of-panicking-republicans/

February 9, 2026 at 1:35 AM

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Joni Askola

@joniaskola.bsky.social

The media is still missing the biggest story in the Epstein emails.

The emails show Epstein helped Russia blackmail Donald Trump. He was advising Putin's circle on how to control the US President.

Trump is compromised.

We need to make sure everyone sees this:

February 1, 2026 at 9:52 AM

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Peter

@notalawyer.bsky.social

I wrote a quick piece about what it would really mean to abolish ICE

There Must Be Retribution

Abolishing ICE isn't enough. So what is?

stringinamaze.net

January 29, 2026 at 7:10 PM

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Tim Onion

@bencollins.bsky.social

Imagine what’s happening in the camps.

Adam Serwer @adamserwer.bsky.social · 15d

Imagine how much they’d be lying about what happened without all the videos showing it from multiple angles.

January 24, 2026 at 11:29 PM

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Aaron Reichlin-Melnick

@reichlinmelnick.bsky.social

You have to read this. Firsthand affidavit from one of the women who was there and recording the video. She talks about how Alex Pretti was directing traffic when she arrived. She watched him be killed in front of her. She's afraid to go home, worried she'll be arrested.

1. I am a resident of the Whittier neighborhood of Minneapolis, Minnesota. I am over 18 years of age. I am a children's entertainer who specializes in face painting.
2. On Saturday, January 24, 2026, at about 8:50 am, I was getting ready to go to work when I heard whistles outside. I knew the whistles meant that ICE agents were in the area, so I decided to check it out on my way to work. I've been involved in observing in my community because it is so important to document what ICE is doing to my neighbors. Connecting to your local community and knowing who your neighbors are is something I profoundly value.
3. I drove to Nicollet Ave. and 26th where I could hear the whistles coming from. I turned south onto Nicollet. There were already several ICE agents there and they'd set up a sort of vehicle convoy on Nicollet and 28th. There were also about 15 observers there, recording and observing ICE.
4. I saw ICE agents surrounding cars and punching car windows. I also saw them stopping vehicles further down Nicollet, so I backed up because I didn't feel safe continuing on.
5. I noticed a man sort of acting to help traffic move more smoothly. He helped me find a place to park. I got out with my whistle and my camera. I went over to him and said something like, "I'm going to film and use my whistle."
6. It seemed like most ICE activity was happening a little farther down the street from us, near 27th. Someone was being thrown to the ground.

7. I started recording. There was an agent by a car across the street. Two observers were a few feet away from the agent, blowing their whistles. One was wearing a backpack.
8. I and the man who was observing and helping direct traffic were standing in the street. There was a phone in the man's hand recording a video.
9. An agent approached and asked us to back up, so I moved slowly back onto the sidewalk.
10. The man stayed in the street, filming as the other observers I mentioned earlier were being forced backward by another ICE agent threatening them with pepper spray. The man went closer to support them as they got threatened, just with his camera out. I didn't see him reach for or hold a gun.
11. Then the ICE agent shoved one of the other observers to the ground. Then he started pepper spraying all three of them directly in the face and all over. The man with the phone put his hands above his head and the agent sprayed him again and pushed him.
12. Then the man tried to help up the woman the ICE agent had shoved to the ground. The ICE agents just kept spraying. More agents came over and grabbed the man who was still trying to help the woman get up. All three of the observers looked to have been badly affected by the pepper spray. I could feel the pepper spray in my eyes.

13. The agents pulled the man on the ground. I didn't see him touch any of them-he wasn't even turned toward them. It didn't look like he was trying to resist, just trying to help the woman up. I didn't see him with a gun. They threw him to the ground. Four or five agents had him on the ground and they just started shooting him. They shot him so many times.
14.1 don't know why they shot him. He was only helping. I was five feet from him and they just shot him.
15. The video I recorded of what happened accurately depicts the events leading up to the agents shooting him and several minutes afterwards. The video is attached as Exhibit 1.
16. I have read the statement from DHS about what happened and it is wrong. The man did not approach the agents with a gun. He approached them with a camera. He was just trying to help a woman get up and they took him to the ground.
17. I feel afraid. Only hours have passed since they shot a man right in front me and I don't feel like I can go home because I heard agents were looking for me. I don't know what the agents will do when they find me. I do know that they're not telling the truth about what happened. I've heard that other witnesses might have been arrested and taken to the Whipple Building.
18. I am disgusted and gutted at how they are treating my neighbors and my state. I keep alternating between crying and feeling determined it is important to remember the value of documenting injustice. We show up for the people who need us to bear

witness, because it can't just be one group of people bearing the brunt of their tyranny. This is a struggle to protect our freedom and democracy, those things are on the line. He lost his life for those values.
I declare under penalty of perjury that everything I have stated in this document is true and correct.

Dated and signed on Jan 24, 2026 in Hennepin County, State of Minnesota.

January 25, 2026 at 1:15 AM

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Micah

@rincewind.run

pepper spraying someone in the face from inches away while they are already restrained on the ground should get you fired and land you in jail, no exceptions

Ashley Miller @amreports.bsky.social · 18d

An observer arrested in Suth Minneapolis. Photo by Richard Tsong-Taatarii/The Minnesota Star Tribune

Several agents hold a person down and sprays them with pepper spray.

January 21, 2026 at 9:38 PM

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Peter

@notalawyer.bsky.social

credit where it's due, this is one of the funniest ideas i've ever heard

Ritchie Torres @ritchietorres.bsky.social · 25d

I am introducing the Quick Recognition (QR) Act, which requires ICE and CBP officers to wear uniforms featuring QR codes. When scanned, the code would generate a digital ID displaying the officer’s name, badge number, and law enforcement agency.

ICE should be unmasked both physically and digitally.

January 14, 2026 at 5:03 PM

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Tim Onion

@bencollins.bsky.social

This is a pretty severe escalation from CBS, just straight up lying like this.

CBS News @cbsnews.com · 25d

BREAKING: The ICE agent who fatally shot Renee Good last week in Minneapolis, Jonathan Ross, suffered internal bleeding to the torso following the incident, according to two U.S. officials briefed on his medical condition.

ICE agent who shot Renee Good suffered internal bleeding, officials say

Jonathan Ross, who shot Renee Good in Minneapolis last week, suffered internal bleeding after the incident, two officials said, though it's not clear how extensive the bleeding was.

cbsn.ws

January 14, 2026 at 5:34 PM

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Kameron Hurley

@kameronhurley.com

Watching old Murder She Wrote makes me miss comfortably eclectic old set dressings of middle class TV homes. Every house interior now - even in purportedly middle class homes - is a glossy minimalist painting. Fresh flowers! Immaculate sinks! Shiny counters! Matching tableware and napkin holders!

January 10, 2026 at 8:02 PM

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Peter

@notalawyer.bsky.social

tip for parent management: my parents were asking me about chatGPT, and have some friends who love it, and none of my attempts to caution them were as successful as just sending them the Wikipedia page for AI hallucinations

January 8, 2026 at 8:55 PM

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Mueller, She Wrote

@muellershewrote.com

NEW: more information on the shooting in Portland, OR, including Tricia McLaughlin’s bullshit statement. www.kgw.com/article/news...

Border Patrol agents shot 2 people in East Portland during 'targeted traffic stop,' DHS says

In a statement, Mayor Keith Wilson called for a halt on ICE operations in Portland, asking Portlanders to show up with "calm and purpose" after the shooting.

www.kgw.com

January 9, 2026 at 1:39 AM

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Jacqueline Sweet

@jsweetli.bsky.social

When she is not writing, reading, or talking about writing, she has movie marathons and makes messy art with her daughter and two sons."

Here is her winning poem:

www.porkopolis.org/pig_poet/ren...

Macklin, Renée Nicole

Renée Nicole Macklin, United States, (contemporary), poetry includes: On Learning to Dissect Fetal Pigs. Macklin is a poet, and in 2020 was an undergraduate in the English Department at Old Dominio…

www.porkopolis.org

January 8, 2026 at 12:13 AM

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Jacqueline Sweet

@jsweetli.bsky.social

The woman killed by ICE today was a poet. She won the 2020 Academy of American Poets, University & College Poetry Prize at Old Dominion University.

(And this is Renee from confirmed socials- a photo of a different woman with red lipstick is going around, but that was a classmate.)
/

January 8, 2026 at 12:13 AM

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Eric Alper

@thatericalper.com

Remember before the internet, we thought the cause of ignorance was the lack of access to information?

September 11, 2025 at 1:15 AM

Kiki

@kisabel3.bsky.social

As far as I can tell, AI is just a robot guessing stuff for you until the answer feels right

July 11, 2025 at 11:26 PM

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Brendel

@brendelbored.bsky.social

This product is so good that you don’t even mind when it leaks all over your refrigerator because it fell on its side and somehow manages to do it every single time you buy it. That’s just the bargain you make with this stern old woman

April 17, 2025 at 2:23 AM

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Mueller, She Wrote

@muellershewrote.com

A play in two acts.

April 10, 2025 at 2:53 AM

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ACLU

@aclu.org

BREAKING: The House passed a bill that limits judges' ability to block the Trump administration's unconstitutional actions nationwide.

This bill is a threat to the rule of law and endangers all of our rights — the Senate must reject it.

April 9, 2025 at 11:54 PM

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Tim Onion

@bencollins.bsky.social

The administration is a perfect storm of dumb people who enjoy inflicting pain and are addicted to psychotic cruelty and quadrupling down. It ends in total ruin if you don't impeach him.

April 7, 2025 at 12:10 AM

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WIRED

@wired.com

We'll say it again: No, 150-year-olds are not collecting Social Security benefits. #SOTU www.wired.com/story/elon-m...

No, 150-Year-Olds Aren’t Collecting Social Security Benefits

Elon Musk claims to have found rampant fraud in the Social Security Administration. There’s a much simpler explanation.

www.wired.com

March 5, 2025 at 3:01 AM

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Mueller, She Wrote

@muellershewrote.com

Fuck this guy. Ask any nurse or LPN or ER doc or admin clerk or social worker if they work weekends. This disrespect to our federal workforce is disgusting. Especially from this piece of shit.