Matt Olson
@metalson.bsky.social
Freelance marine biologist and stoner doom zealot. Parody account, not the real @metalson
Pinned
Matt Olson
@metalson.bsky.social
· Sep 17
I hope whoever ends up murdering me isn’t very attractive.
They should make it so you can get out of prison early if you can solve a series of puzzles.
December 3, 2025 at 10:45 PM
They should make it so you can get out of prison early if you can solve a series of puzzles.
Never tell me “I’m just being honest”. It’s my default assumption that you’re being honest. Let me know if you’re lying.
December 3, 2025 at 8:17 PM
Never tell me “I’m just being honest”. It’s my default assumption that you’re being honest. Let me know if you’re lying.
My most 12 year old opinion is traffic would not exist if everyone just agreed to drive faster.
December 1, 2025 at 1:30 AM
My most 12 year old opinion is traffic would not exist if everyone just agreed to drive faster.
There is a national conspiracy that has been going on for decades to fabricate the existence of Iwona B Horyn, for some unknown nefarious purpose. She’s not real. The more evidence you show me of her existence, that’s just more proof of how deep this cover-up goes.
November 26, 2025 at 7:37 AM
There is a national conspiracy that has been going on for decades to fabricate the existence of Iwona B Horyn, for some unknown nefarious purpose. She’s not real. The more evidence you show me of her existence, that’s just more proof of how deep this cover-up goes.
All the resources and top scientific minds have spent the last 5 years desperately trying to build AM but all they can come up with is a chatbot that tells you to kill yourself.
November 25, 2025 at 2:57 AM
All the resources and top scientific minds have spent the last 5 years desperately trying to build AM but all they can come up with is a chatbot that tells you to kill yourself.
Bubbles from Trailerpark Boys voice:
John W. Cre-e-easy!
John W. Cre-e-easy!
November 24, 2025 at 11:31 PM
Bubbles from Trailerpark Boys voice:
John W. Cre-e-easy!
John W. Cre-e-easy!
I’m not worried, even if it’s a meme format I don’t like. I got this:
November 24, 2025 at 9:38 PM
I’m not worried, even if it’s a meme format I don’t like. I got this:
Reposted by Matt Olson
I think it’s highly problematic that “The Chair Company” is encouraging young impressionable viewers to engage in retail development.
November 19, 2025 at 10:49 PM
I think it’s highly problematic that “The Chair Company” is encouraging young impressionable viewers to engage in retail development.
It’s always so embarrassing when you make a joke and someone responds by saying “well played”.
November 18, 2025 at 9:37 PM
It’s always so embarrassing when you make a joke and someone responds by saying “well played”.
They’re making Bluesky replies over on threads now, this place is cooked.
November 14, 2025 at 7:24 PM
They’re making Bluesky replies over on threads now, this place is cooked.
Europe is never gonna take climate change seriously until they switch to Fahrenheit.
November 13, 2025 at 7:52 PM
Europe is never gonna take climate change seriously until they switch to Fahrenheit.
Congress made it illegal for weed products to have low levels of THC? Finally some good news.
November 13, 2025 at 6:36 PM
Congress made it illegal for weed products to have low levels of THC? Finally some good news.
They make it WAY too complicated to figure out it how to file a declaration of intent to run to be the Mayor of Los Angeles
November 12, 2025 at 5:54 AM
They make it WAY too complicated to figure out it how to file a declaration of intent to run to be the Mayor of Los Angeles
Within each person is a Rodney Dangerfield impersonator and a Borat impersonator, locked in an eternal struggle over how to talk about their wife.
November 12, 2025 at 12:29 AM
Within each person is a Rodney Dangerfield impersonator and a Borat impersonator, locked in an eternal struggle over how to talk about their wife.
(Me giving my child self esteem issues)
“Don’t smile with your mouth open honey, it makes you look like Mr Beast”
“Don’t smile with your mouth open honey, it makes you look like Mr Beast”
November 10, 2025 at 10:56 PM
(Me giving my child self esteem issues)
“Don’t smile with your mouth open honey, it makes you look like Mr Beast”
“Don’t smile with your mouth open honey, it makes you look like Mr Beast”
Reposted by Matt Olson
Her husband told her that detainees at Broadview had to get up at 5am to get in line for one bathroom. He often peed himself. One time he had to wait until 2pm to use the bathroom. You could only use the bathroom once a day. He said the agents would beat you if you used the bathroom on yourself.
November 7, 2025 at 3:08 AM
Her husband told her that detainees at Broadview had to get up at 5am to get in line for one bathroom. He often peed himself. One time he had to wait until 2pm to use the bathroom. You could only use the bathroom once a day. He said the agents would beat you if you used the bathroom on yourself.
That’s right I followed you so I could reply to your post and then immediately unfollowed you, and there’s nothing you can do about it.
November 6, 2025 at 1:28 AM
That’s right I followed you so I could reply to your post and then immediately unfollowed you, and there’s nothing you can do about it.
Reposted by Matt Olson
I hope AI keeps brain rotting republican political campaigns into defeat.
November 5, 2025 at 10:24 PM
I hope AI keeps brain rotting republican political campaigns into defeat.
They’re gonna need to make a New New Norm now.
November 5, 2025 at 7:07 PM
They’re gonna need to make a New New Norm now.
Death Grips dead, Dick Cheney elected, and new Mamdani album announced all in the span of 24 hrs??? 🔥
November 5, 2025 at 6:14 PM
Death Grips dead, Dick Cheney elected, and new Mamdani album announced all in the span of 24 hrs??? 🔥
Looking at an election results map even though I only understand NYC through The Warriors:
“What the fuck, only The Gerrards supported Cuomo? Get a load of these mick losers!”
“What the fuck, only The Gerrards supported Cuomo? Get a load of these mick losers!”
November 5, 2025 at 2:49 AM
Looking at an election results map even though I only understand NYC through The Warriors:
“What the fuck, only The Gerrards supported Cuomo? Get a load of these mick losers!”
“What the fuck, only The Gerrards supported Cuomo? Get a load of these mick losers!”
Wrote in “Zohran Mamdani” for the CA prop 50 vote 🙏
November 4, 2025 at 7:38 PM
Wrote in “Zohran Mamdani” for the CA prop 50 vote 🙏
I hope every luxury apartment in NYC that is vacated by a rich person fleeing Mamdani is reclaimed by the natural forces of the city and becomes a ska-core squat.
November 4, 2025 at 2:24 AM
I hope every luxury apartment in NYC that is vacated by a rich person fleeing Mamdani is reclaimed by the natural forces of the city and becomes a ska-core squat.
BREAKING NOW: Posthumous Andrew Cuomo endorsement by the lost prophets guy recorded on a prison iPhone just before his death.
November 3, 2025 at 11:43 PM
BREAKING NOW: Posthumous Andrew Cuomo endorsement by the lost prophets guy recorded on a prison iPhone just before his death.