Noahconstrictor
@noahconstrictor.bsky.social
He/him
Bears, NFL, MTG, sports, metal, and whatever other nonsense I feel like posting
Bears, NFL, MTG, sports, metal, and whatever other nonsense I feel like posting
Reposted by Noahconstrictor
On Polymarket you can now bet on how many people in a different market on Polymarket think Jesus Christ will return in this calendar year.
29% of bets say that more than 5% of bets in the Jesus Christ return market will be a "yes" 9 days from now.
Anyway everyone involved in this needs jailtime.
29% of bets say that more than 5% of bets in the Jesus Christ return market will be a "yes" 9 days from now.
Anyway everyone involved in this needs jailtime.
February 8, 2026 at 5:21 PM
On Polymarket you can now bet on how many people in a different market on Polymarket think Jesus Christ will return in this calendar year.
29% of bets say that more than 5% of bets in the Jesus Christ return market will be a "yes" 9 days from now.
Anyway everyone involved in this needs jailtime.
29% of bets say that more than 5% of bets in the Jesus Christ return market will be a "yes" 9 days from now.
Anyway everyone involved in this needs jailtime.
I started watching Star Trek: Deep Space 9 and I can already tell you Commander Sisko will be my favorite character of all time, solely because he developed a personal connection with a baseball player who died 200 years before he was born, and thought that guy could've been the best of all time.
February 8, 2026 at 4:13 AM
I started watching Star Trek: Deep Space 9 and I can already tell you Commander Sisko will be my favorite character of all time, solely because he developed a personal connection with a baseball player who died 200 years before he was born, and thought that guy could've been the best of all time.
Reposted by Noahconstrictor
sports pioneer George F. Biathlon inventing the sport of biathlon in the year 1887
What if I simply went outside and shot the snow with a gun
February 7, 2026 at 12:53 PM
sports pioneer George F. Biathlon inventing the sport of biathlon in the year 1887
If this happens the first time NDSU even gets an AP vote this place will erupt in ecstasy
Source: North Dakota State is in discussions to join the Mountain West as a football-only member this upcoming season, @theathletic.com has confirmed.
Not a done deal, but deep conversations. Yahoo first reported.
Story: www.nytimes.com/athletic/702...
Not a done deal, but deep conversations. Yahoo first reported.
Story: www.nytimes.com/athletic/702...
February 7, 2026 at 4:18 AM
If this happens the first time NDSU even gets an AP vote this place will erupt in ecstasy
Literally only AOC is even remotely tolerable from this list. Jesus fuck.
Democratic Presidential Polling:
🔵 Harris 34%
🔵 Newsom 20%
🔵 Shapiro 10%
🔵 Buttigieg 10%
🔵 AOC 7%
🔵 Booker 6%
🔵 Moore 3%
Rasmussen / Jan 27, 2026
🔵 Harris 34%
🔵 Newsom 20%
🔵 Shapiro 10%
🔵 Buttigieg 10%
🔵 AOC 7%
🔵 Booker 6%
🔵 Moore 3%
Rasmussen / Jan 27, 2026
February 6, 2026 at 6:57 PM
Literally only AOC is even remotely tolerable from this list. Jesus fuck.
Strongly agree with this. So many of these athletes are what we should be celebrating and pointing to as what this country can and should be. I'm rooting for the people who are representing the America that I want to see in the future, not the one we have now.
I get this, but here's where I'm at:
Trump & Vance are the worst of us. America is bigger than them, and they win if we let them define us.
Team USA is the best of us. It's filled with Americans MAGA hates—first-generation + immigrants, LGBTQ+ athletes, people of color—& I'm gonna root for them.
Trump & Vance are the worst of us. America is bigger than them, and they win if we let them define us.
Team USA is the best of us. It's filled with Americans MAGA hates—first-generation + immigrants, LGBTQ+ athletes, people of color—& I'm gonna root for them.
I really really want these athletes to have a great experience, be competitive and perhaps win a gold medal, but, honestly, the thought of hearing "USA!USA!USA!" during their games kinda makes me cringe. If we were any other country the IOC would ask us to march under the olympic flag.
February 5, 2026 at 5:24 PM
Strongly agree with this. So many of these athletes are what we should be celebrating and pointing to as what this country can and should be. I'm rooting for the people who are representing the America that I want to see in the future, not the one we have now.
Reposted by Noahconstrictor
A+ ad placement on ESPN’s trade tracker
February 4, 2026 at 9:50 PM
A+ ad placement on ESPN’s trade tracker
Reposted by Noahconstrictor
Check this out motherfucker [trades one third of my roster and some picks to another losing team for the most injured man alive, unclear what kind of move I was trying to make]
BREAKING: The Dallas Mavericks are trading 10-time NBA All-Star Anthony Davis, Jaden Hardy, D'Angelo Russell and Dante Exum to the Washington Wizards for Khris Middleton, AJ Johnson, Malaki Branham, Marvin Bagley III, 2 first-round picks and 3 second-rounders, sources tell ESPN.
February 4, 2026 at 6:52 PM
Check this out motherfucker [trades one third of my roster and some picks to another losing team for the most injured man alive, unclear what kind of move I was trying to make]
This is phenomenal. Mina is the best.
*SPOILERS IN VIDEO*
This is probably the highlight of my television career to date.
This is probably the highlight of my television career to date.
February 4, 2026 at 5:36 PM
This is phenomenal. Mina is the best.
Reposted by Noahconstrictor
After a lengthy appeals process and productive discussion with the Blue Sky safety team I will no loinger be sending George Thorogood lyrics to beautiful women on here via DM. Thank you all
February 4, 2026 at 5:02 PM
After a lengthy appeals process and productive discussion with the Blue Sky safety team I will no loinger be sending George Thorogood lyrics to beautiful women on here via DM. Thank you all
Reposted by Noahconstrictor
I'm Made of Wax, Larry, What Are You Made Of?, It's Dangerous Business Walking Out Your Front Door, and Whacko Jacko Steals the Elephant Man's Bones (there's like 50 21st century metalcore songs, take your pick), and for a modern flair The Demon of Unreality Limping Like A Dog by The Callous Daoboys
Deleted a post about “what’s your least favorite song” because the vibes are bad enough already.
Instead: what’s your favorite song that has a long title, say at least 6 words long?
Mine: “Elderly Woman Behind the Counter in a Small Town” (Pearl Jam)
Instead: what’s your favorite song that has a long title, say at least 6 words long?
Mine: “Elderly Woman Behind the Counter in a Small Town” (Pearl Jam)
February 4, 2026 at 4:38 AM
I'm Made of Wax, Larry, What Are You Made Of?, It's Dangerous Business Walking Out Your Front Door, and Whacko Jacko Steals the Elephant Man's Bones (there's like 50 21st century metalcore songs, take your pick), and for a modern flair The Demon of Unreality Limping Like A Dog by The Callous Daoboys
No actually I just don't want them to exist thanks please fuck off and get out of office you old shit
Democrats want commonsense reform for ICE:
End the roving patrols and racial profiling.
Take accountability and abide by the same rules as local police.
Masks need to come off, body cameras need to stay on—no secret police in the United States of America.
End the roving patrols and racial profiling.
Take accountability and abide by the same rules as local police.
Masks need to come off, body cameras need to stay on—no secret police in the United States of America.
February 3, 2026 at 11:29 PM
No actually I just don't want them to exist thanks please fuck off and get out of office you old shit
This is a good and normal reaction to Elmo's birthday
February 3, 2026 at 6:09 PM
This is a good and normal reaction to Elmo's birthday
The NFL needs to put these footballs on all merch. I need a shirt with the baby footballs. It is imperative that they make shirts with the baby footballs for grown adult men.
February 3, 2026 at 12:56 AM
The NFL needs to put these footballs on all merch. I need a shirt with the baby footballs. It is imperative that they make shirts with the baby footballs for grown adult men.
Reposted by Noahconstrictor
A note from our editors:
February 1, 2026 at 9:10 PM
A note from our editors:
Reposted by Noahconstrictor
BREAKING: The two federal immigration agents who fired on Minneapolis protester Alex Pretti are identified in government records as Border Patrol agent Jesus Ochoa and Customs and Border Protection officer Raymundo Gutierrez.
Two CBP Agents Identified in Alex Pretti Shooting
The two federal immigration agents who fired on Minneapolis protester Alex Pretti are identified in government records as Border Patrol agent Jesus Ochoa and Customs and Border Protection officer Raym...
www.propublica.org
February 1, 2026 at 9:10 PM
BREAKING: The two federal immigration agents who fired on Minneapolis protester Alex Pretti are identified in government records as Border Patrol agent Jesus Ochoa and Customs and Border Protection officer Raymundo Gutierrez.
Reposted by Noahconstrictor
Yo shout-out Ava????
Absolutely losing my mind over Ava, THE ROCK'S DAUGHTER, quitting WWE despite them offering her a raise to keep working a pretty cushy kayfabe general manager gig and then the day after her contract ends she posts this
February 1, 2026 at 7:44 PM
Yo shout-out Ava????
Reposted by Noahconstrictor
He’s just describing The American Dream but you’re supposed to hate it for some reason
February 1, 2026 at 3:33 PM
He’s just describing The American Dream but you’re supposed to hate it for some reason
This is one of my favorite Dan pieces. Some of the most in depth, interesting, and unique investigative journalism, and it's about an Eagles jacket that Princess Diana loved wearing.
By Dan McQuade: Princess Diana bought that Eagles jacket herself
Princess Diana Bought That Eagles Jacket Herself | Defector
PHILADELPHIA — The photos are absurd. When you first see them, you cannot believe they are real. They are. Paparazzi took them in 1991. Princess Diana, by then estranged from Prince Charles, dropped…
defector.com
January 31, 2026 at 4:34 PM
This is one of my favorite Dan pieces. Some of the most in depth, interesting, and unique investigative journalism, and it's about an Eagles jacket that Princess Diana loved wearing.
Reposted by Noahconstrictor
You can test new tech ideas using the Seinfeld Test
Would the product eliminate the plot of an episode? (Google maps, cell phones, paypal, battery packs)
Good tech.
Would the product inspire new Seinfeld plots? (NFTs, AI chatbots, crypto currency, blindboxes, metaverse land sales)
Bad tech.
Would the product eliminate the plot of an episode? (Google maps, cell phones, paypal, battery packs)
Good tech.
Would the product inspire new Seinfeld plots? (NFTs, AI chatbots, crypto currency, blindboxes, metaverse land sales)
Bad tech.
January 31, 2026 at 6:57 AM
You can test new tech ideas using the Seinfeld Test
Would the product eliminate the plot of an episode? (Google maps, cell phones, paypal, battery packs)
Good tech.
Would the product inspire new Seinfeld plots? (NFTs, AI chatbots, crypto currency, blindboxes, metaverse land sales)
Bad tech.
Would the product eliminate the plot of an episode? (Google maps, cell phones, paypal, battery packs)
Good tech.
Would the product inspire new Seinfeld plots? (NFTs, AI chatbots, crypto currency, blindboxes, metaverse land sales)
Bad tech.
My dad just got said "WOW" in his excited dad voice more than I've heard him say for any sports anything in a while while doing his dad watching YouTube highlight videos thing, I find that he's watching Alcaraz vs Zvarev. Tennis is fucking back baby.
January 31, 2026 at 12:47 AM
My dad just got said "WOW" in his excited dad voice more than I've heard him say for any sports anything in a while while doing his dad watching YouTube highlight videos thing, I find that he's watching Alcaraz vs Zvarev. Tennis is fucking back baby.
Hey what the FUCK
This just in: "Don Lemon was taken into custody by federal agents last night in Los Angeles, where he was covering the Grammy awards," Lemon's attorney Abbe Lowell says.
January 30, 2026 at 2:07 PM
Hey what the FUCK
the Falcons going "Mr. Matt Ryan, the only good thing to ever happen to this team, you are Dr. Supreme Leader President Special Boy of Football Sports Operations" is going to actively cost the Chicago Bears a draft pick i fucking hate it here
As expected, Ian Cunningham is the new Falcons general manager.
The now ex-Bears assistant GM will be tasked with building this roster into a winner
www.thefalcoholic.com/atlanta-falc...
The now ex-Bears assistant GM will be tasked with building this roster into a winner
www.thefalcoholic.com/atlanta-falc...
Ian Cunningham is the new Falcons GM
Atlanta hires away Chicago’s assistant GM as their new general manager.
www.thefalcoholic.com
January 30, 2026 at 3:10 AM
the Falcons going "Mr. Matt Ryan, the only good thing to ever happen to this team, you are Dr. Supreme Leader President Special Boy of Football Sports Operations" is going to actively cost the Chicago Bears a draft pick i fucking hate it here