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Paul Ockenden

@ockenden.com

200 followers 120 following 1.5K posts

Ex PC Pro columnist. Ex-owner of one of the UK's first digital agencies. Now happily retired. I was once famous for missing deadlines, now I don’t miss them at all! Based in Shoreham-by-Sea (between Brighton and Worthing) in West Sussex, UK.

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Paul Ockenden @ockenden.com · 1h

This reminds me *so* much of Rabbit by the late Run Wrake:

www.youtube.com/watch?v=0nEi...

Paul Ockenden @ockenden.com · 12h

You could have stopped after word nine.

Paul Ockenden @ockenden.com · 20h

You can start a call but never finish it.

Paul Ockenden @ockenden.com · 1d

You wait until you start to look at the other places people who buy endoscopes look….

Paul Ockenden @ockenden.com · 1d

I believe most people do it in their stores overseas, and they thought us Brits would accept it too!

If you google Lidl etiquette there’s loads of stuff online about this.

Me, I avoid the chaos and use the self-service tills.

Paul Ockenden @ockenden.com · 1d

Apparently you’re not *supposed* to pack at the till. The procedure is to just shove it all back into the trolley, then pack at the shelf opposite. Nobody does this, and I doubt they would even if they knew the correct procedure.

Paul Ockenden @ockenden.com · 1d

The bill would be £50 if you turned all those NASs off.

Paul Ockenden @ockenden.com · 1d

newer/updated Lidl stores too, but only for the self scan checkouts. If you go through the “throw your shopping at you as fast as possible” checkouts then you can exit without a scan.

Paul Ockenden @ockenden.com · 1d

I bet they grabbed the bull by the horns and ran with it.

Paul Ockenden @ockenden.com · 1d

Trump and his colouring-in books? He’s run out of orange pencils.

Paul Ockenden @ockenden.com · 2d

Reminds me of the back cover artwork on Slaughter on 10th Avenue (almost appropriate).

Paul Ockenden @ockenden.com · 2d

I’d like our own wanklords to have *less* national coverage, not more.

Paul Ockenden @ockenden.com · 3d

He died in 2011.

Paul Ockenden @ockenden.com · 3d

They know when people are dying. Your cat is claiming its food.

Paul Ockenden @ockenden.com · 3d

Ha - thanks!

Actually, I know Amberley Museum well (it’s fairly local to me). Wonderful place, but the film I was thinking of is probably a bit too modern for them.

Paul Ockenden @ockenden.com · 3d

I once saw a movie with her sister, Linda.

Paul Ockenden @ockenden.com · 3d

Long press?

Paul Ockenden @ockenden.com · 3d

It’s not obvious from the stupid photos bit it’s a brush which expands out when you pull the trigger. Place over spider and release. Spider becomes trapped in bristles, but unharmed.

Take outside and release. Or through a neighbour‘s window if you think it might come back inside to yours!

Paul Ockenden @ockenden.com · 3d

One of these is highly recommended for humane removal of said beastie.

www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B0DNZP2YJC

1ABOVE Spider & Bug Catcher with 83cm Long Handle | Foldable | Easy to Use | SAfe & Secure | Safely Humanely Remove Crawling Insects Without Harming Them-GREEN : Amazon.co.uk: Garden

1ABOVE Spider & Bug Catcher with 83cm Long Handle | Foldable | Easy to Use | SAfe & Secure | Safely Humanely Remove Crawling Insects Without Harming Them-GREEN : Amazon.co.uk: Garden

www.amazon.co.uk

Paul Ockenden @ockenden.com · 3d

Reposted by Paul Ockenden

Esther Schindler @estherschindler.bsky.social · 5d

I just saw someone use the abbreviation “AI;DR” and I’ll be laughing for a while.

Paul Ockenden @ockenden.com · 5d

If only Beyoncé had married Roy Castle…

Reposted by Paul Ockenden

Alex Andreou @sturdyalex.bsky.social · 5d

It helps to be able to spell the country you say only you are competent enough to run.

Goody-bag merch from Tory Conference branded "When Labour negotiates Britian loses" and signed "Kemi Badenoch".

Paul Ockenden @ockenden.com · 5d

I wouldn’t class it as ‘not great’, but the lack of an edit button is a real pain. I’d pay a small monthly fee for one.

Paul Ockenden @ockenden.com · 5d

Nina missed a trick in not calling herself Groove Amanda.