Ted Hoffman's Actuarials
@tedhoffman.bsky.social
Guy who does the actuarials on stuff. Also does analytics, not "teh analytics." Follows weather for a hobby. Ascended in Nethack twice. Defeated the arcade game Gauntlet. Probably other stuff you don't care about either. Pretty funny for an actuary.
Pinned
Why do we even have laws if they don’t apply to certain people?
Always remember: rules and laws without enforcement are merely suggestions that will be ignored by some, to the detriment of all.
Kids, never let go of your dreams - and definitely never let someone else tell you "you're not smart enough to do what you want."
Chances are, more than one someone who's doing it already is far more stupid than you could attempt to be - and, getting paid handsomely to do it.
Chances are, more than one someone who's doing it already is far more stupid than you could attempt to be - and, getting paid handsomely to do it.
@kenwhite.bsky.social do you generally recommend that a client fabricate grand jury records (at least in part) in order to rush out an indictment before the statute of limitations hits in order to please Dear Leader?
Asking for El Jefe's most loyal real estate lawyer.
Asking for El Jefe's most loyal real estate lawyer.
November 17, 2025 at 6:14 PM
Kids, never let go of your dreams - and definitely never let someone else tell you "you're not smart enough to do what you want."
Chances are, more than one someone who's doing it already is far more stupid than you could attempt to be - and, getting paid handsomely to do it.
Chances are, more than one someone who's doing it already is far more stupid than you could attempt to be - and, getting paid handsomely to do it.
Getting ready to watch undefeated Texas A&M play South Carolina, who's hapless and probably going to get rolled big-time today, especially since they're on the road.
November 15, 2025 at 6:41 PM
Getting ready to watch undefeated Texas A&M play South Carolina, who's hapless and probably going to get rolled big-time today, especially since they're on the road.
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Tbf Megyn Kelly will say anything for money.
November 13, 2025 at 3:08 AM
Tbf Megyn Kelly will say anything for money.
I see there are discussions ongoing about the James Bond franchise and how it gets relaunched since apparently he was blown to smithereens in the last movie.
It's really simple. Have someone just show up at MI6 one day, "Hello, I'm James Bond" and he goes on from there.
It's really simple. Have someone just show up at MI6 one day, "Hello, I'm James Bond" and he goes on from there.
November 11, 2025 at 7:36 PM
I see there are discussions ongoing about the James Bond franchise and how it gets relaunched since apparently he was blown to smithereens in the last movie.
It's really simple. Have someone just show up at MI6 one day, "Hello, I'm James Bond" and he goes on from there.
It's really simple. Have someone just show up at MI6 one day, "Hello, I'm James Bond" and he goes on from there.
Senate Democrats who voted to end the shutdown: "Maybe the real treasure is all the people who now hate our fucking guts for this."
November 10, 2025 at 2:55 PM
Senate Democrats who voted to end the shutdown: "Maybe the real treasure is all the people who now hate our fucking guts for this."
Live look at Republicans watching Senate Democrats negotiate:
a man in a suit and tie is laughing with his mouth open
ALT: a man in a suit and tie is laughing with his mouth open
media.tenor.com
November 10, 2025 at 2:44 AM
Live look at Republicans watching Senate Democrats negotiate:
Reposted by Ted Hoffman's Actuarials
Joel Osteen, a millionaire living in a mansion, preaches to his flock "your life really sucks now, you're poor, sick, but don't fret, God has amazing things for you in the future, and this time it's a sure thing. By the way, don't forget to give money to my church."
January 2, 2025 at 7:04 PM
Joel Osteen, a millionaire living in a mansion, preaches to his flock "your life really sucks now, you're poor, sick, but don't fret, God has amazing things for you in the future, and this time it's a sure thing. By the way, don't forget to give money to my church."
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A movie you've seen more than seven times with a gif.
November 3, 2025 at 1:29 PM
A movie you've seen more than seven times with a gif.
"Hey Google, what's a sign that I should pack my shit up from my office and get the hell out because I probably won't have a job much longer?"
WATCH: #Louisiana Gov. Jeff Landry on who will 'not' be selecting the next coach of #LSUfootball #lagov #lalege #LouisianaFirstNews
October 29, 2025 at 11:48 PM
"Hey Google, what's a sign that I should pack my shit up from my office and get the hell out because I probably won't have a job much longer?"
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they want you afraid and quiet. you need to be brave and loud.
October 29, 2025 at 5:11 PM
they want you afraid and quiet. you need to be brave and loud.
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It should be repeated over and over about the Trump agenda: He builds himself a massive gold ballroom while millions of children and elderly may go hungry because his enablers insist the government cannot afford to pay their meager benefits.
October 29, 2025 at 12:00 PM
It should be repeated over and over about the Trump agenda: He builds himself a massive gold ballroom while millions of children and elderly may go hungry because his enablers insist the government cannot afford to pay their meager benefits.
What I learned from the NHL Data Analyst for the Blues during the 2nd intermission vs. Detroit:
They've allowed 4 goals on 14 shots.
What I also learned: how to say "4 goals on 14 shots" in about 8 different sentences.
They've allowed 4 goals on 14 shots.
What I also learned: how to say "4 goals on 14 shots" in about 8 different sentences.
October 29, 2025 at 2:15 AM
What I learned from the NHL Data Analyst for the Blues during the 2nd intermission vs. Detroit:
They've allowed 4 goals on 14 shots.
What I also learned: how to say "4 goals on 14 shots" in about 8 different sentences.
They've allowed 4 goals on 14 shots.
What I also learned: how to say "4 goals on 14 shots" in about 8 different sentences.
Reposted by Ted Hoffman's Actuarials
Here's the thing. If Kids eat free because of SNAP at your restaurant, please feed their fucking parents too.
October 29, 2025 at 1:18 AM
Here's the thing. If Kids eat free because of SNAP at your restaurant, please feed their fucking parents too.
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Presumption of regularity and deference to this administration should be zero.
October 27, 2025 at 8:44 PM
Presumption of regularity and deference to this administration should be zero.
When people say "some of you didn't get your ass beaten with a belt, and it shows," I have two thoughts:
1. The idea that anyone thinks someone needs their ass beaten with a belt is a problem.
2. Given how *they* behave, people who say this probably needed their ass beaten more in retrospect.
1. The idea that anyone thinks someone needs their ass beaten with a belt is a problem.
2. Given how *they* behave, people who say this probably needed their ass beaten more in retrospect.
October 27, 2025 at 2:25 PM
When people say "some of you didn't get your ass beaten with a belt, and it shows," I have two thoughts:
1. The idea that anyone thinks someone needs their ass beaten with a belt is a problem.
2. Given how *they* behave, people who say this probably needed their ass beaten more in retrospect.
1. The idea that anyone thinks someone needs their ass beaten with a belt is a problem.
2. Given how *they* behave, people who say this probably needed their ass beaten more in retrospect.
Brian Kelly should ask if he can hang on to his job at LSU if he can come up with a better Cajun accent.
October 27, 2025 at 12:40 AM
Brian Kelly should ask if he can hang on to his job at LSU if he can come up with a better Cajun accent.
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Joel Quenneville's return to Chicago last night might be the final time that the Brad Aldrich story is at the forefront of the hockey world's minds.
But we should never forget what we're moving on from.
My column: www.nytimes.com/athletic/673...
But we should never forget what we're moving on from.
My column: www.nytimes.com/athletic/673...
October 20, 2025 at 4:09 PM
Joel Quenneville's return to Chicago last night might be the final time that the Brad Aldrich story is at the forefront of the hockey world's minds.
But we should never forget what we're moving on from.
My column: www.nytimes.com/athletic/673...
But we should never forget what we're moving on from.
My column: www.nytimes.com/athletic/673...
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Gonna write “that’s obviously off the record” on all of my posts.
October 20, 2025 at 11:59 PM
Gonna write “that’s obviously off the record” on all of my posts.
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Pritzker: "Stephen Miller is clearly ordering people to break the law. So he should know that yeah, it may be three years from now that he is held accountable, but I think it's important for them to know that whatever they do now, it's not like we're going to forget."
October 17, 2025 at 2:02 AM
Pritzker: "Stephen Miller is clearly ordering people to break the law. So he should know that yeah, it may be three years from now that he is held accountable, but I think it's important for them to know that whatever they do now, it's not like we're going to forget."
Just going to say that Jake Neighbours could be a 40-goal scorer, but his shit-ass awful defense - highlighted by his constant trying to cherry-pick by sitting as high in the offensive zone waiting for someone to hit him with a breakout pass -probably costs as many goals in the process.
October 16, 2025 at 2:06 AM
Just going to say that Jake Neighbours could be a 40-goal scorer, but his shit-ass awful defense - highlighted by his constant trying to cherry-pick by sitting as high in the offensive zone waiting for someone to hit him with a breakout pass -probably costs as many goals in the process.
I'm starting to think at this point Buffalo might be better off with an expansion NHL team. At leas then, there will be an excuse for it playing consistently terrible.
October 14, 2025 at 2:17 AM
I'm starting to think at this point Buffalo might be better off with an expansion NHL team. At leas then, there will be an excuse for it playing consistently terrible.
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We are even dumber and blinder than any futurist Sci Fi writer could imagine
October 13, 2025 at 10:58 PM
We are even dumber and blinder than any futurist Sci Fi writer could imagine