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Toby 🇵🇸

@tobestewart.bsky.social

7.5K followers 290 following 2.6K posts

Somethng s mssng from your lfe bsky.app/profile/did:plc:sdkxyw2r7xlx5kjhsolgagv6/feed/aaajpevonw36e

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Toby 🇵🇸 @tobestewart.bsky.social · Nov 21

If this app doesn’t work I’m going back to ruining my life locally

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Toby 🇵🇸 @tobestewart.bsky.social · 4h

[*composing a post*]

“This must be how Jesus felt when He was writing The Bible”

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Toby 🇵🇸 @tobestewart.bsky.social · 17h

Tired of actually helping? Try prayer

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Toby 🇵🇸 @tobestewart.bsky.social · 18h

Thought I’d gone blind but then remembered I’ve never been able to see through my nipples

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Toby 🇵🇸 @tobestewart.bsky.social · 19h

[Designer Outlet]

Me: "You know everything has been 'designed', right?"

Manager: *nervous glance to camera*

Me: "-BY JESUS"

Toby 🇵🇸 @tobestewart.bsky.social · 19h

Coincidences can be freaky! That’s the fourth bar of soap to hit me today

Reposted by Toby 🇵🇸

Bodega Monsters, Inc. @bodegainc.bsky.social · 1d

This machine kills fascists.

A photograph of Noo Noo from
The Teletubbies. A sentient vacuum cleaner with a hose as a mouth/cleaning device and big white eyes. It’s usually a blue machine but in this image it’s in three colours: orange at the top third, then pink and at the bottom yellow.

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Toby 🇵🇸 @tobestewart.bsky.social · 1d

Me: [*perfecting invisibility on social media*]

“GODDAMMIT”

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Toby 🇵🇸 @tobestewart.bsky.social · 1d

Thought I’d gone blind but it’s just the bucket she makes me wear

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Toby 🇵🇸 @tobestewart.bsky.social · 2d

What’s the opposite of monetising your Bluesky account? Anyway, I’ve done that

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Reposted by Toby 🇵🇸

Dumb Beezie @dumbbeezie.bsky.social · 21d

According to my research you can fuck off

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Toby 🇵🇸 @tobestewart.bsky.social · 3d

I’m not one to brag but I “couldn’t be more wrong”

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Toby 🇵🇸 @tobestewart.bsky.social · 3d

With Mary, mother of Our Lord, speaking as many as 193 words in the Bible, any suggestion women are overlooked by Christianity is atheist propaganda

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Toby 🇵🇸 @tobestewart.bsky.social · 5d

You can take some solace in the fact that your reply is very “this season”

Toby 🇵🇸 @tobestewart.bsky.social · 5d

Heading to church this Sunday? It’s mainly wine and crackers, so bring your own cheese

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Toby 🇵🇸 @tobestewart.bsky.social · 5d

I hate to use superlatives about my own creativity but this post, without any doubt, is my most recent

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Toby 🇵🇸 @tobestewart.bsky.social · 5d

As a Christian I don’t own an air-fryer, preferring to crucify my food instead

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Reposted by Toby 🇵🇸

Jake_Vig @jakevig.bsky.social · 18d

Spent the day posting "do better" under photos of people's kids on Facebook

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Reposted by Toby 🇵🇸

Danny @mardigroan.bsky.social · 22d

If you have enough nervous energy you don't need an electric toothbrush.

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Reposted by Toby 🇵🇸

Forrest Plump @nahyoudoit.bsky.social · 29d

omfg Brenda I fucked your husband as a joke calm down

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Toby 🇵🇸 @tobestewart.bsky.social · 6d

How long does Viagra last? I’ve been badly let down by public transport

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Reposted by Toby 🇵🇸

Steve Suckington @stevesuckington.bsky.social · 6d

call me old fashioned but I’m against nazis

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Toby 🇵🇸 @tobestewart.bsky.social · 6d

[*Waking up alone again*]

“Oh the monotoby!”

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Toby 🇵🇸 @tobestewart.bsky.social · 6d

Up early to fit in all the regret

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Reposted by Toby 🇵🇸

Humor For Resistance @funnysnarkyjoke.bsky.social · 6d

ⓘ This user supports avoiding people

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Reposted by Toby 🇵🇸

Notorious P.I.G. (Your Halloween Hogmother) 🐽 @anotoriouspig.bsky.social · 6d

but listen, I'm too dumb for Mastodon

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