Toby 🇵🇸
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tobestewart.bsky.social
Toby 🇵🇸
@tobestewart.bsky.social
Somethng s mssng from your lfe

bsky.app/profile/did:plc:sdkxyw2r7xlx5kjhsolgagv6/feed/aaajpevonw36e
Pinned
If this app doesn’t work I’m going back to ruining my life locally
Reposted by Toby 🇵🇸
Imagine finding out immigrants aren’t the reason for everything that’s wrong with your life after all and you’re just a piece of shit
November 25, 2025 at 5:36 PM
It’s Monday morning and I’m in an awkward stand-off with reality
November 24, 2025 at 7:46 AM
Critics accusing me of being a hopeless romantic can just sweep me off my feet and kiss me passionately
November 23, 2025 at 6:07 PM
When He said “Let there be light” who was He talking to?
November 23, 2025 at 6:27 AM
When I whispered in her ear, “You’re the only woman I think about”, I should’ve mentioned all the men
November 23, 2025 at 6:23 AM
When I said “Get Well Soon”, I meant, “Suffer A Little Longer”
November 23, 2025 at 6:19 AM
Coincidences are weird! That’s the fourth bar of soap to hit me today
November 22, 2025 at 2:14 PM
“Let me count the ways I love you”, she said, introducing the concept of negative numbers
November 22, 2025 at 2:14 PM
“Try to be more socially interactive”, they said

“Engage with the wider community”, they said

“You have the right to remain silent”, they said
November 22, 2025 at 9:14 AM
This largely ignored social-media post is for everyone who said I’d never amount to anything
November 22, 2025 at 9:12 AM
NOW she's annoyed because I said my next girlfriend will be real
November 21, 2025 at 7:01 AM
“Waiter!”

- “Sir?”

“This water?”

- “Sir?”

“My date-I SAID I’LL HANDLE IT-My date says it’s MILLIONS of years old”
November 21, 2025 at 6:58 AM
Reposted by Toby 🇵🇸
It’s called Trash Can, not Trash Can’t.
November 20, 2025 at 1:46 PM
Shout out to my mutuals for making my posts look so good
November 20, 2025 at 7:03 AM
[The Rapture]

Me: *watching my dog float away*
November 18, 2025 at 10:51 PM
Me: “It's important to stay hydrated”

Coastguard: “Not this important. Grab the rope”
November 18, 2025 at 10:32 PM
Reposted by Toby 🇵🇸
[panting, 5 minutes into sex] it’s okay, just go on without me
August 10, 2023 at 11:46 PM
I’ve been on Bluesky for a thousand days! I want them back
November 18, 2025 at 10:28 PM
Reposted by Toby 🇵🇸
No one in this ball pit is taking me seriously.
November 18, 2025 at 7:14 PM
Apologies for the deterioration in the quality of my posts recently. I’ve been leading a fulfilling and meaningful life
November 18, 2025 at 5:27 PM
After redefining success (with the help of binary) I’m a lot happier about my notifications
November 18, 2025 at 5:17 PM
One of the best things about being British is peacefully electing a new King
November 17, 2025 at 6:17 PM
I’m thinking about getting a dog. Anything would be better than this honey badger
November 17, 2025 at 5:50 PM
Reposted by Toby 🇵🇸
waiter: can I take your order?

me: you haven’t even brought it yet
November 17, 2025 at 2:50 PM
Could someone please explain to my landlord that a gimp is NOT a pet?
November 17, 2025 at 6:32 AM