narrator: 50 years ago...

me: [nods] in 1945

narrator: in 1975...

me: what

the 2020s aesthetic of FUCKING BEIGE EVERYTHING FUCKING GLASS SKIN CLEAN GIRL STERILISED COLOURLESS DULL FUCKING BEIGE LAMINATED BROWS EXPRESSIONLESS FACES TINY BAGS SHRINKING WOMEN REVERSE FEMINISM BEIGE SKINCARE NAIL TAPPING SHEIN ASS ORIGINALITY VACUUM BEIGE doesn’t really do anything for me x

Don't forget to rinse out every jar and tin you finish, guys x

putting clothes in the washing machine: yes yes YES

having to hang the washed clothes: wish I was dead

Put your own oxygen mask on first, they say. You can't pour from an empty cup. Prioritize your own health before giving to others! OK but wait the kids are sick and you can't take them anywhere, and they need you to do literally everything for them, so forget all of that. Why are you fat?

Please don’t keep me “informed” or “in the loop” I don’t want to know anything

Nation Could Have Sworn Russell Brand Was Already Convicted Sex Offender

it’s very fun to have been 18 for the 2007-8 global financial crisis, 30 for Covid, 35 now. just really interesting times throughout adulthood

Men! Don’t forget to PayPal me £50 this International Women’s Day to settle things up.

Every day I have to hear about some asshole

Swimming is the best exercise for people with depression because you just have to throw your body into a public pool like an inept murderer and then you're like fuck it im already wet lets get this done and when you've finished you're like wow i was making up like 97% of my problems

Whenever I hear someone talking about their mom like “she never complained a day in her life” I just know that won’t be my kids. They’ll be like “she never stopped complaining. Everything seemed extremely hard for her. Even just like…unloading the dishwasher. Especially unloading the dishwasher.”

welcome to the 384th Monday in January.