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Juan Thicc

@gabemathewsband.bsky.social

1.6K followers 640 following 960 posts

The Earth rotates every 24 hours, but I only rotate off the couch when absolutely necessary.

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Juan Thicc @gabemathewsband.bsky.social · Dec 20

I remember when toilet paper and eggs were in such abundance that we threw them at peoples houses for fun.

Juan Thicc @gabemathewsband.bsky.social · 5h

According to a study done by Columbia University, Crocs are shoes for people who've given up.

Juan Thicc @gabemathewsband.bsky.social · 5h

I believe I just encountered a fellow who bought a car with a sun roof for the sole purpose of flipping people off through it.

Juan Thicc @gabemathewsband.bsky.social · 5h

According to this Mac and cheese box I am a family of four.

Juan Thicc @gabemathewsband.bsky.social · 5h

I’ve reached the age where all my toiletries have the word
"healing" in them.

Juan Thicc @gabemathewsband.bsky.social · 5h

Oh you're not a werewolf?
Then you wouldn't mind drinking this Coors Light?!!

Juan Thicc @gabemathewsband.bsky.social · 7h

Shout out to Opinions for staying at a cheap “2¢” all this time.

Reposted by Juan Thicc

Forrest Plump @nahyoudoit.bsky.social · 15h

Just remember, you’re only one or two life decisions away from shopping for camper toilets on Amazon

Reposted by Juan Thicc

BrujoLoco☠️🖤🏺 @patnspankme.bsky.social · 13h

whenever in doubt, always hip thrust

Juan Thicc @gabemathewsband.bsky.social · 1d

I wish everything in life was as low maintenance as this 3 in 1 bottle of shampoo/conditioner/body wash I just bought.

Juan Thicc @gabemathewsband.bsky.social · 1d

Allergies are God's way of saying "don't get too comfortable.”

Juan Thicc @gabemathewsband.bsky.social · 1d

I forgot the word kitchen and called it the dishes room.
I’m adorable.

Juan Thicc @gabemathewsband.bsky.social · 1d

This year for Halloween, I’m handing out warm Coke zeros.

Juan Thicc @gabemathewsband.bsky.social · 1d

She lives Rent Controlled in my head.

Reposted by Juan Thicc

Jake_Vig @jakevig.bsky.social · 1d

How do you like your dread, existential or al dente?

Juan Thicc @gabemathewsband.bsky.social · 1d

Genius

Reposted by Juan Thicc

Jimmer Cork-Bottle @jimmerthatisall.bsky.social · 1d

Jazz up your posts by using words.

Juan Thicc @gabemathewsband.bsky.social · 1d

Please don’t interrupt me when I’m having my shower cocktail.

Juan Thicc @gabemathewsband.bsky.social · 2d

a man with long hair and a beard is smiling and saying thank you .

ALT: a man with long hair and a beard is smiling and saying thank you .

media.tenor.com

Reposted by Juan Thicc

Ed Fox, Secret Chimp @foxult.bsky.social · 2d

Nothing is dumber than a great idea you have in the middle of the night.

Reposted by Juan Thicc

Vamp Lizzlepants 🧛🏻‍♀️ @lizzlepants.bsky.social · 2d

did y’all know Amazon customer agents now say thing like “hi I’m Helen and I’m a human here to help you”
I dunno Helen that sounds like something an AI “human” would say

Juan Thicc @gabemathewsband.bsky.social · 2d

Can’t sleep…
Mind is thinking of elote again.

Juan Thicc @gabemathewsband.bsky.social · 3d

Can’t
I'm busy buttering all sides of this slice of toast.

Juan Thicc @gabemathewsband.bsky.social · 3d

Assert dominance in Home Depot by wearing an orange apron and nothing else.

Juan Thicc @gabemathewsband.bsky.social · 3d

I cut my breakfast taco in half because I’m classy and shit.

Juan Thicc @gabemathewsband.bsky.social · 3d

You could point out typos or you could be someone people actually like.