many people trust the seams in their clothing in a way I never could

The evolution of Barnaby
A diagrammatic explainer
#auspol

To the crested pigeons hooting it up in my neighbours yard - get a bloody room
Im happy for you, but too much PDA

The human mind is a remarkable thingamajig for processing whatchamacallit.

I want advertisers to offer realistic expectations for clients and their customers. Here I suggest a relatable slogan for Bunnings.
‘Of course I have to go to fuggin’ Bunnings again’
You're welcome, i’ll send the invoice.

I don’t want to download your app.
It’s not necessarily you, it’s me.
Sorry we cant be together because your customer experience processes suck.

Be a fern, ferns are like Fonzie, ferns are cool.

Forever chemicals to be replaced with subscription-based chemicals that you can never own

Happy “Fuck Trump And All He Stands For Day” to all who celebrate!

Santa gave me magnesium supplements.

Wild that Australian news keeps verbatim quoting Netanyahu without routinely adding that's he's genocidal piece of shit responsible for murdering tens of thousands of children. By all means, quote what he says, but I guarantee, whatever it is, the baby-killing context is more important.

5 reasons why The Shining is a Christmas movie

1. Snow
2. Red rum
3. Hyperactive kids
4. Big snuggly jumpers
5. Huge family row ending with someone putting an axe through the door.

I wish I could take my slippers off without them being stolen. It’s a ruff neighbourhood

my imaginary friend and i got a lot of looks on our tandem bike ride this morning

spiraling downward is just in my DNA