Jon
@jonperri.bsky.social
I have eaten sand four times in my life.
My cats love trying to gaslight me into giving them extra treats. Guys, we just went through this song and dance.
December 16, 2025 at 2:04 AM
My cats love trying to gaslight me into giving them extra treats. Guys, we just went through this song and dance.
Can you deduct snacks on your tax returns?
December 14, 2025 at 4:50 AM
Can you deduct snacks on your tax returns?
Pasta should be a currency
December 5, 2025 at 5:56 AM
Pasta should be a currency
Real Eyes
Realize
Five Guys®
Realize
Five Guys®
December 3, 2025 at 5:42 PM
Real Eyes
Realize
Five Guys®
Realize
Five Guys®
It should be illegal to eat dinner at 2:30pm
November 28, 2025 at 2:40 AM
It should be illegal to eat dinner at 2:30pm
I’m thinking about eating a battery just to feel something
November 24, 2025 at 3:36 AM
I’m thinking about eating a battery just to feel something
Reposted by Jon
Mechanic [sliding out from under Optimus Prime]: I think I see what the issue is. This truck is also a big guy somehow
November 18, 2025 at 3:48 PM
Mechanic [sliding out from under Optimus Prime]: I think I see what the issue is. This truck is also a big guy somehow
I’m proud to announce that “My Cousin Vinny, Too” will finally be coming to a theater near you!
November 5, 2025 at 11:28 PM
I’m proud to announce that “My Cousin Vinny, Too” will finally be coming to a theater near you!
Reposted by Jon
Reposted by Jon
They taught a squirrel to waterski and you’re questioning the existence of angels
October 20, 2025 at 11:50 AM
They taught a squirrel to waterski and you’re questioning the existence of angels
Sitcom about a cartoon pug who lied on his resume and is now a cadaver dog.
October 3, 2025 at 3:17 AM
Sitcom about a cartoon pug who lied on his resume and is now a cadaver dog.
No matter what they tell you, it’s still not illegal to eat denim.
October 3, 2025 at 2:01 AM
No matter what they tell you, it’s still not illegal to eat denim.
Reposted by Jon
Sept 30 vs Oct 1
October 1, 2025 at 12:33 PM
Sept 30 vs Oct 1
Reposted by Jon
Under my administration we captured 3 gray aliens and 2 green
September 30, 2025 at 6:01 PM
Under my administration we captured 3 gray aliens and 2 green
I want to open a movie theater that serves baked potatoes instead of popcorn.
September 30, 2025 at 2:24 AM
I want to open a movie theater that serves baked potatoes instead of popcorn.
It’s real hard not to cuss on the internet lately
September 27, 2025 at 4:14 AM
It’s real hard not to cuss on the internet lately
I once got reprimanded in my improv class for constantly quoting from The Rock (1996)
September 21, 2025 at 3:41 AM
I once got reprimanded in my improv class for constantly quoting from The Rock (1996)
Reposted by Jon
MARY JANE: sorry about your uncle dan
PETER PARKER: it’s ben
MARY JANE: 🎵one week since you looked at me
PETER PARKER: it’s ben
MARY JANE: 🎵one week since you looked at me
August 31, 2024 at 3:53 AM
MARY JANE: sorry about your uncle dan
PETER PARKER: it’s ben
MARY JANE: 🎵one week since you looked at me
PETER PARKER: it’s ben
MARY JANE: 🎵one week since you looked at me
Tired: Cool as a cucumber
Wired: Humble as a Yukon Gold
Wired: Humble as a Yukon Gold
September 20, 2025 at 3:41 AM
Tired: Cool as a cucumber
Wired: Humble as a Yukon Gold
Wired: Humble as a Yukon Gold
“Listen officer, it’s not my fault! They had Mai Tais on draft!” - Guy who just crashed his 1997 Pontiac into the side of an Olive Garden
September 15, 2025 at 1:01 AM
“Listen officer, it’s not my fault! They had Mai Tais on draft!” - Guy who just crashed his 1997 Pontiac into the side of an Olive Garden
Pro tip: In order to not get kicked out of an establishment, try to avoid telling the server that they remind you of a young Ted Cruz.
September 3, 2025 at 4:31 AM
Pro tip: In order to not get kicked out of an establishment, try to avoid telling the server that they remind you of a young Ted Cruz.
Reposted by Jon
Getting fired because I was slow blinking with my cat before work and accidentally dosed off
August 25, 2025 at 11:09 PM
Getting fired because I was slow blinking with my cat before work and accidentally dosed off
Cobbler! On the Battlefield
August 26, 2025 at 3:06 AM
Cobbler! On the Battlefield
Brb, selling my Cinnamon Toast Crunch recipe for 1.2 mil
August 24, 2025 at 3:59 AM
Brb, selling my Cinnamon Toast Crunch recipe for 1.2 mil
Civilization peaked with the invention of the dollar menu. We’re doomed.
August 23, 2025 at 4:42 AM
Civilization peaked with the invention of the dollar menu. We’re doomed.