Me crashing out during the last few weeks of every year

Making friends at the wine tasting by asking everyone if they spit or swallow.

currently hot boxing my car with a steaming rotisserie chicken

Hey does anyone here have a run down amusement park they could sell me? I’m planning to construct a lair

Looks like it’s time to start dusting off this ol’ guy again.

baptizing people into my church by throwing hot coffee on them

I don't have an advent calendar

so Im just opening cupboard doors

and eating whatever's in there

I come up behind you and whisper gently in your ear: yo you fuck with miso soup

Nancy Mace arrives in Congress after her “assault.”

Even as Americans live longer, they spend more of their years in poor health than any other country, a new study shows.

People in the US live with illness for 12.4 years on average – up from 10.9 years in 2000, according to a study published by the American Medical Association

To all the people upset about Luigi Mangione being made into a folk hero. Now you know how we felt when you made Kyle Rittenhouse into a hero.

When you ask Italian’s about Luigi Mangione

millennial at my job be kicking me off the aux just to play shit like counting stars by one republic like maybe we should just sit in silence