b̶r̶i̶t̶t̶a̶n̶y̶’̶s̶ ̶n̶a̶m̶e̶
@maybe.not.ev3r.online
driven to sanity
Pinned
*date and i arrive wearing the same tuxedo*
HOSTESS: how did you even both fit in there?
HOSTESS: how did you even both fit in there?
Is $150 a lot for a couple of grocery store snacks? I have no idea, I never leave my house anymore. freedom i$ for the rich
September 23, 2025 at 11:00 PM
Is $150 a lot for a couple of grocery store snacks? I have no idea, I never leave my house anymore. freedom i$ for the rich
People like me are “super fun at parties” because shower thoughts have us socially exhausted by 8 AM.
July 26, 2025 at 7:43 PM
People like me are “super fun at parties” because shower thoughts have us socially exhausted by 8 AM.
Looks like another one of my replies from the spring of 2023 is blowing up again [9 likes].
July 26, 2025 at 7:40 PM
Looks like another one of my replies from the spring of 2023 is blowing up again [9 likes].
Reposted by b̶r̶i̶t̶t̶a̶n̶y̶’̶s̶ ̶n̶a̶m̶e̶
Just learned that people’s hair and nails keep growing even after they’re dead to me.
August 13, 2023 at 4:01 PM
Just learned that people’s hair and nails keep growing even after they’re dead to me.
Reposted by b̶r̶i̶t̶t̶a̶n̶y̶’̶s̶ ̶n̶a̶m̶e̶
i need a shoulder massage, i’ve gained 50 lbs of worry weight & it all went straight to my amygdala
August 13, 2023 at 8:12 PM
i need a shoulder massage, i’ve gained 50 lbs of worry weight & it all went straight to my amygdala
I’m glad they threw in the superfluous deadline to lighten the mood of it all.
July 4, 2025 at 10:31 PM
I’m glad they threw in the superfluous deadline to lighten the mood of it all.
I miss the days when death was mysterious & elusive. You know, before 3½ rich dudes were in charge of the button.
July 4, 2025 at 7:25 PM
I miss the days when death was mysterious & elusive. You know, before 3½ rich dudes were in charge of the button.
Reposted by b̶r̶i̶t̶t̶a̶n̶y̶’̶s̶ ̶n̶a̶m̶e̶
A dumpster full of raw hamburger that has become sentient.
July 4, 2025 at 3:21 AM
A dumpster full of raw hamburger that has become sentient.
Reposted by b̶r̶i̶t̶t̶a̶n̶y̶’̶s̶ ̶n̶a̶m̶e̶
I can’t think of anything nice to say but I’ve already typed out these words and we can all share this sense of accomplishment when it comes to the end. Good job.
May 21, 2025 at 5:04 AM
I can’t think of anything nice to say but I’ve already typed out these words and we can all share this sense of accomplishment when it comes to the end. Good job.
i miss when surfin' ussr was fun
May 7, 2025 at 12:28 PM
i miss when surfin' ussr was fun
can you believe fake smart is somehow smarter than real smart
January 16, 2025 at 10:10 PM
can you believe fake smart is somehow smarter than real smart
i have a migraine the size of yo mama
January 16, 2025 at 9:55 PM
i have a migraine the size of yo mama
ex-boyfriend [2008]: i hope you die on your way to work
me [2025]: i hope i die on my way to work
me [2025]: i hope i die on my way to work
January 16, 2025 at 9:51 PM
ex-boyfriend [2008]: i hope you die on your way to work
me [2025]: i hope i die on my way to work
me [2025]: i hope i die on my way to work
Reposted by b̶r̶i̶t̶t̶a̶n̶y̶’̶s̶ ̶n̶a̶m̶e̶
(saturday morning voice) no i must get up early so i can frantically start relaxing
January 11, 2025 at 11:45 AM
(saturday morning voice) no i must get up early so i can frantically start relaxing
The solution is simple, really. We need to make money and data worthless.
January 11, 2025 at 3:25 PM
The solution is simple, really. We need to make money and data worthless.
Reposted by b̶r̶i̶t̶t̶a̶n̶y̶’̶s̶ ̶n̶a̶m̶e̶
INTERVIEWER: nice to meet you, why don’t you have a seat
ME: omg was I supposed to bring one
ME: omg was I supposed to bring one
January 7, 2025 at 4:50 PM
INTERVIEWER: nice to meet you, why don’t you have a seat
ME: omg was I supposed to bring one
ME: omg was I supposed to bring one
i can’t ever tell if someone’s flirting or if they were sent by the feds
January 11, 2025 at 2:19 AM
i can’t ever tell if someone’s flirting or if they were sent by the feds
Reposted by b̶r̶i̶t̶t̶a̶n̶y̶’̶s̶ ̶n̶a̶m̶e̶
i hope i’m dead before the billionaires turn breathing into a subscription service
July 7, 2023 at 5:21 PM
i hope i’m dead before the billionaires turn breathing into a subscription service
Reposted by b̶r̶i̶t̶t̶a̶n̶y̶’̶s̶ ̶n̶a̶m̶e̶
Its always okay to just say nothing. That's an option too
January 9, 2025 at 11:03 PM
Its always okay to just say nothing. That's an option too
have the CEOs given themselves raises disguised as hazard pay yet?
January 11, 2025 at 1:23 AM
have the CEOs given themselves raises disguised as hazard pay yet?
Reposted by b̶r̶i̶t̶t̶a̶n̶y̶’̶s̶ ̶n̶a̶m̶e̶
Still writing "this is a bank robbery" on all my checks
January 1, 2025 at 1:54 PM
Still writing "this is a bank robbery" on all my checks
Reposted by b̶r̶i̶t̶t̶a̶n̶y̶’̶s̶ ̶n̶a̶m̶e̶
I don’t feel very fresh down there *points to the dungeon where my wife keeps me chained*
January 11, 2025 at 1:08 AM
I don’t feel very fresh down there *points to the dungeon where my wife keeps me chained*