Cap’n Watsisname
@capnwatsisname.bsky.social
Likes you and other things that are great. Magic bean farmer.
Recents: https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:efdtjcx67l6vpztu7muhp64s/feed/aaabrbkkoo5lc
Best of: https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:jiqppb3vymtquebk2yatb4mw/feed/aaaoxwn4kyzv4
Recents: https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:efdtjcx67l6vpztu7muhp64s/feed/aaabrbkkoo5lc
Best of: https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:jiqppb3vymtquebk2yatb4mw/feed/aaaoxwn4kyzv4
Pinned
911: what’s your emergency
Me: I DO NOT HAVE ANY CRUNCHY SNACKS
911: sir you are going to die
Me: I DO NOT HAVE ANY CRUNCHY SNACKS
911: sir you are going to die
Reposted by Cap’n Watsisname
told a dude I had therapy yesterday and he asked therapy for what and I was so caught off guard I said, “my brain”
November 26, 2025 at 7:04 PM
told a dude I had therapy yesterday and he asked therapy for what and I was so caught off guard I said, “my brain”
Reposted by Cap’n Watsisname
guillermo del toro’s pippy longstocking
November 25, 2025 at 8:53 PM
guillermo del toro’s pippy longstocking
Reposted by Cap’n Watsisname
Guillermo del Toro’s Dora the Explorer
Guillermo del Toro's It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World
Guillermo del Toro’s The Care Bears Movie
November 26, 2025 at 5:53 AM
Guillermo del Toro’s Dora the Explorer
Reposted by Cap’n Watsisname
Would you rather have a mirror that shows you a random five second clip of the future OR a toaster that prints cryptic messages on your bread that eventually come true, you just don't know when
November 20, 2025 at 11:51 PM
Would you rather have a mirror that shows you a random five second clip of the future OR a toaster that prints cryptic messages on your bread that eventually come true, you just don't know when
Reposted by Cap’n Watsisname
ordered "student driver" magnets in bulk, gonna absolutely envelop my car in them so people know what I'm really about
November 21, 2025 at 3:17 PM
ordered "student driver" magnets in bulk, gonna absolutely envelop my car in them so people know what I'm really about
Reposted by Cap’n Watsisname
My wife is an ARIES and also a HAIRDRESSER. She hates my fucking GUTS. Her hair is closer to GOD than she is, but her ASS and her OPINIONS are straight from hot, hot HELL. I like CONFLICTING SHIT such as COPS and the PUNISHER and also I don't understand IRONY. The lord loves my FOOTBALL TEAM.
November 24, 2025 at 10:15 PM
My wife is an ARIES and also a HAIRDRESSER. She hates my fucking GUTS. Her hair is closer to GOD than she is, but her ASS and her OPINIONS are straight from hot, hot HELL. I like CONFLICTING SHIT such as COPS and the PUNISHER and also I don't understand IRONY. The lord loves my FOOTBALL TEAM.
Reposted by Cap’n Watsisname
the problem with dating a dude who is holding a fish in his profile picture is having to eat the fish
November 25, 2025 at 1:23 PM
the problem with dating a dude who is holding a fish in his profile picture is having to eat the fish
Reposted by Cap’n Watsisname
*tapping fingernails repeatedly on a headstone* today we're gonna do an unboxing! it's grandma!
June 5, 2025 at 11:17 AM
*tapping fingernails repeatedly on a headstone* today we're gonna do an unboxing! it's grandma!
Reposted by Cap’n Watsisname
They should invent a slice of pizza that you have to peel
November 25, 2025 at 5:23 PM
They should invent a slice of pizza that you have to peel
Reposted by Cap’n Watsisname
Pestering someone to literal death is called annoyhilation.
November 25, 2025 at 5:24 PM
Pestering someone to literal death is called annoyhilation.
Reposted by Cap’n Watsisname
I wish a philosopher would just nail it for once. Enough hemming and hawing!
November 25, 2025 at 5:29 PM
I wish a philosopher would just nail it for once. Enough hemming and hawing!
Reposted by Cap’n Watsisname
i have something to say
November 25, 2025 at 1:18 AM
i have something to say
Reposted by Cap’n Watsisname
Days without an accident in everyone contributing the right amount to the check: 0 🏆👑 Congratulations @justinmatic5000.bsky.social from @capnwatsisname.bsky.social
Made the mistake of going to the Cheesecake Factory and now I'm chained up in the assembly line until i meet my quota
November 24, 2025 at 6:00 AM
Days without an accident in everyone contributing the right amount to the check: 0 🏆👑 Congratulations @justinmatic5000.bsky.social from @capnwatsisname.bsky.social
Reposted by Cap’n Watsisname
It’s too much trouble to explain myself. Just assume the worst
November 23, 2025 at 10:30 PM
It’s too much trouble to explain myself. Just assume the worst
Reposted by Cap’n Watsisname
My doctor said I should avoid too much excitement so I won’t be using exclamation points for a while.
November 22, 2025 at 11:29 AM
My doctor said I should avoid too much excitement so I won’t be using exclamation points for a while.
Reposted by Cap’n Watsisname
Broken branch is a hell of a thing to really identify with. So you're just like, reaching out to be an integral part of the biological process and suddenly your spirit is heavy well shit, twig. You crunched is it a ghost
November 22, 2025 at 5:39 AM
Broken branch is a hell of a thing to really identify with. So you're just like, reaching out to be an integral part of the biological process and suddenly your spirit is heavy well shit, twig. You crunched is it a ghost
Reposted by Cap’n Watsisname
sometimes one of my cats sees something (that I don’t) and has a shit kickin time trying to catch whatever ghost bug and im watching all mesmerized like dam you have little organs, like a brain and lungs and I would literally die for you
November 23, 2025 at 2:51 AM
sometimes one of my cats sees something (that I don’t) and has a shit kickin time trying to catch whatever ghost bug and im watching all mesmerized like dam you have little organs, like a brain and lungs and I would literally die for you
Reposted by Cap’n Watsisname
If you're in a lot of strange coincidences you're exactly where the path led you so you should look for meaning. If you have to keep on adjusting the connections, it's just not sitting right, you're freeballing it
November 23, 2025 at 5:33 PM
If you're in a lot of strange coincidences you're exactly where the path led you so you should look for meaning. If you have to keep on adjusting the connections, it's just not sitting right, you're freeballing it
Reposted by Cap’n Watsisname
How come when hot girls don't text back quick it's because they aren't thirsty but when I take my time I am "a terrible friend" or "irresponsible"
November 23, 2025 at 7:39 PM
How come when hot girls don't text back quick it's because they aren't thirsty but when I take my time I am "a terrible friend" or "irresponsible"
Reposted by Cap’n Watsisname
Depressed Leslie Knope vibes
November 23, 2025 at 9:22 PM
Depressed Leslie Knope vibes
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The football should give the players a little shock to defend itself
November 23, 2025 at 10:36 PM
The football should give the players a little shock to defend itself
Reposted by Cap’n Watsisname
I remember most of my friends had jobs waiting for them at companies before they graduated college. Not me, tho. I was too busy sleeping with their moms.
September 21, 2025 at 4:34 AM
I remember most of my friends had jobs waiting for them at companies before they graduated college. Not me, tho. I was too busy sleeping with their moms.
Reposted by Cap’n Watsisname
If only we fell like a dame in a 40s black and white and not like a hard-boiled egg in a handkerchief.
September 30, 2025 at 3:43 AM
If only we fell like a dame in a 40s black and white and not like a hard-boiled egg in a handkerchief.
Reposted by Cap’n Watsisname
Maybe think of me whenever you see an asterisk.
November 24, 2025 at 2:46 AM
Maybe think of me whenever you see an asterisk.
Reposted by Cap’n Watsisname
holy shit a talking muffin
November 23, 2025 at 8:18 PM
holy shit a talking muffin