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Cap’n Watsisname

@capnwatsisname.bsky.social

16K followers 1.4K following 6.8K posts

Likes you and other things that are great. Magic bean farmer. Recents: https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:efdtjcx67l6vpztu7muhp64s/feed/aaabrbkkoo5lc Best of: https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:jiqppb3vymtquebk2yatb4mw/feed/aaaoxwn4kyzv4

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Cap’n Watsisname @capnwatsisname.bsky.social · Aug 14

Overdoing “on the other hand” alternatives for dinner to impress my octopus date

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Jason Goes to Hell @benedictsred.bsky.social · 2d

Rob! Rob, it’s Marvin! Your cousin, Marvin Zombie!

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Cap’n Watsisname @capnwatsisname.bsky.social · 15h

See what 3 do

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jordan pumpkin spice [ham] @nursemurderer.bsky.social · 1d

I took 2 sleeping pills instead of 1 and woke up w my phone INSIDE my pillowcase 13 hours later.

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Jason Goes to Hell @benedictsred.bsky.social · 20h

*blush* I guess I am a hot sleeper

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Tusk Jenkins @tuskjenkins.bsky.social · 16h

Your chances of being Bret Easton Ellis are low but never less than zero

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Ennui Doofen @ennuidoofen.bsky.social · 16h

One great thing about having a chest wound is you can walk around with a real "what are ya gonna do to me, stab me in the chest?" attitude. I'm just here to remind you that one can have two chest wounds, so you may wanna say,"What are you gonna do to me, stab me in the chest TWICE?"

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FᎪᎢ ᏩᎪNᎠᎪᏞF @sofarrsogud.bsky.social · 3d

Burying some 12-foot skeletons in my garden just to fuck with future archaeologists.

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Nappy DOOMlemite @nappydolemite.bsky.social · 3d

It was called Six Guys until Jimmy the Onion got greedy

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Little Greenis @durtmchurtt.bsky.social · 3d

Why plastic fruit and not a bananequin.

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Algonquin K Farquhar II @buddhatree.bsky.social · 2d

*brings a desk to a gum fight

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🎃return of the Obra Deeny🎃(they/them) @geraldinepiche.bsky.social · 11d

Commissions are open for late October delivery

Love you all

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mindflakes @mindflakes.bsky.social · 2d

Convince your neighbors you own a pet owl by yelling "has anyone seen my pet owl" through their letterbox at 4am

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mave @mave.bsky.social · 2d

you are kidding yourself if you carry a flickering lantern along the winding path through the dark woods and think that the approaching thunderous hoofbeats signal the arrival of anyone other than the inimitable headless horseman

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Tusk Jenkins @tuskjenkins.bsky.social · 6d

I wasn't digging that dream but I cheered it on anyway because you were in it, mix it up I said, the childhood fears and adult worries and you did such a good job that I didn't even mind falling and falling, with half naked half toilet vibes

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Damnit Janet @damnitjanet.bsky.social · 8d

Heading over to mastodon so I can start telling everyone to call them skeets

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Kip Conlon @kipconlon.bsky.social · 4d

When house hunting, you must learn to think like the house. “I sure hate fire,” etc.

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Kip Conlon @kipconlon.bsky.social · 2d

My crazy ex decided if she couldn't have me, that was fine with her.

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Swim Jeans 👖 @shortsleevesuit.bsky.social · Sep 9

ME: honey why is there a scarecrow in our living room

WIFE: that’s my mother

ME: honey why is your mother in our living room

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Swim Jeans 👖 @shortsleevesuit.bsky.social · 16d

ME: *getting murdered*

WIFE: *looks up briefly from
her phone* ok what did you do now

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Swim Jeans 👖 @shortsleevesuit.bsky.social · 15d

ME: honey, Bob is coming over

WIFE: Bob who yodels normally or Bob who yodels anally

[there’s a yodel at the door]

ME: *rubbing hands together* let’s find out