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Cap’n Watsisname

@capnwatsisname.bsky.social

16K followers 1.4K following 6.8K posts

Likes you and other things that are great. Magic bean farmer. Recents: https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:efdtjcx67l6vpztu7muhp64s/feed/aaabrbkkoo5lc Best of: https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:jiqppb3vymtquebk2yatb4mw/feed/aaaoxwn4kyzv4

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Cap’n Watsisname @capnwatsisname.bsky.social · Aug 14

Overdoing “on the other hand” alternatives for dinner to impress my octopus date

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FᎪᎢ ᏩᎪNᎠᎪᏞF @sofarrsogud.bsky.social · 20h

Burying some 12-foot skeletons in my garden just to fuck with future archaeologists.

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Nappy DOOMlemite @nappydolemite.bsky.social · 18h

It was called Six Guys until Jimmy the Onion got greedy

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Little Greenis @durtmchurtt.bsky.social · 17h

Why plastic fruit and not a bananequin.

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Algonquin K Farquhar II @buddhatree.bsky.social · 16h

*brings a desk to a gum fight

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🎃return of the Obra Deeny🎃(they/them) @geraldinepiche.bsky.social · 8d

Commissions are open for late October delivery

Love you all

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mindflakes @mindflakes.bsky.social · 12h

Convince your neighbors you own a pet owl by yelling "has anyone seen my pet owl" through their letterbox at 4am

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mave @mave.bsky.social · 15h

you are kidding yourself if you carry a flickering lantern along the winding path through the dark woods and think that the approaching thunderous hoofbeats signal the arrival of anyone other than the inimitable headless horseman

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Tusk Jenkins @tuskjenkins.bsky.social · 4d

I wasn't digging that dream but I cheered it on anyway because you were in it, mix it up I said, the childhood fears and adult worries and you did such a good job that I didn't even mind falling and falling, with half naked half toilet vibes

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Damnit Janet @damnitjanet.bsky.social · 5d

Heading over to mastodon so I can start telling everyone to call them skeets

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Kip Conlon @kipconlon.bsky.social · 2d

When house hunting, you must learn to think like the house. “I sure hate fire,” etc.

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Kip Conlon @kipconlon.bsky.social · 15h

My crazy ex decided if she couldn't have me, that was fine with her.

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Swim Jeans 👖 @shortsleevesuit.bsky.social · Sep 9

ME: honey why is there a scarecrow in our living room

WIFE: that’s my mother

ME: honey why is your mother in our living room

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Swim Jeans 👖 @shortsleevesuit.bsky.social · 14d

ME: *getting murdered*

WIFE: *looks up briefly from
her phone* ok what did you do now

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Swim Jeans 👖 @shortsleevesuit.bsky.social · 13d

ME: honey, Bob is coming over

WIFE: Bob who yodels normally or Bob who yodels anally

[there’s a yodel at the door]

ME: *rubbing hands together* let’s find out

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Swim Jeans 👖 @shortsleevesuit.bsky.social · 5d

What is even happening?

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johnny myspace @johnnymyspace.bsky.social · 15d

Chat, what are some good Mediterranean diet friendly options at Little Caesars?

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Travis comma bitch @prof-hinkley.bsky.social · 1d

One look at a modern day airplane cockpit would kill Wilbur and Orville Wright instantly

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'dro🐰 @clowndro.bsky.social · 16h

Signing off all of today's work emails with "if there's a hell I'll see you there"

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gluggaveður 🕊️ @lscrapl.bsky.social · 16h

i mean...some chill wouldn't be unheard of

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Jimmer Cork-Bottle @jimmerthatisall.bsky.social · 13h

You're beautiful when you're angry at that other guy.

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Frightening McQueen @lettuce.bsky.social · 3d

Nuking a bag of marshmallows just for the story

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mr potato @tweetpotato314.bsky.social · 2d

any tips on how to increase coworkers’ comprehension??? i’m already typing these e-mails as slow as i can

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Swim Jeans 👖 @shortsleevesuit.bsky.social · 2d

DOCTOR: we found drugs in your system

ME: is there anything you can do

DOCTOR: no you did them all

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Schmrrrrrrrlex @schmrrrlex.bsky.social · 1d

c'mon son, you've been in there for 45 minutes. there are other people in this house who need to use the shower to hide from a nightmarish reality I can no longer accept

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Jason Goes to Hell @benedictsred.bsky.social · 1d

I’m gonna make my own Mastodon

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