New lettuce
@lettuce.bsky.social
There's no business
My posts: https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:iospu3tavlzqplkpbgpiz6nb/feed/aaafjks2ddefk
My posts: https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:iospu3tavlzqplkpbgpiz6nb/feed/aaafjks2ddefk
Pinned
New lettuce
@lettuce.bsky.social
· Nov 7
[after learning about how muscles work] oh so we're marionettes from the inside
Brands are so proud to present things
February 13, 2026 at 8:58 PM
Brands are so proud to present things
Reposted by New lettuce
Bro, they’re changing the medicinal brine in your enclosure. Get stoked for that new brine
February 12, 2026 at 12:01 AM
Bro, they’re changing the medicinal brine in your enclosure. Get stoked for that new brine
Reposted by New lettuce
Me: What a beautiful day
Friend: Great day
Guy who works for Accuweather: Man, the AccuLumen Brightness Index has gotta be at an 8 or a 9 in current conditions, right
Friend: Great day
Guy who works for Accuweather: Man, the AccuLumen Brightness Index has gotta be at an 8 or a 9 in current conditions, right
February 13, 2026 at 7:38 PM
Me: What a beautiful day
Friend: Great day
Guy who works for Accuweather: Man, the AccuLumen Brightness Index has gotta be at an 8 or a 9 in current conditions, right
Friend: Great day
Guy who works for Accuweather: Man, the AccuLumen Brightness Index has gotta be at an 8 or a 9 in current conditions, right
Reposted by New lettuce
I think you’ll find this answers all your questions [hands you a cool rock I found]
February 12, 2026 at 11:32 PM
I think you’ll find this answers all your questions [hands you a cool rock I found]
Reposted by New lettuce
Might fuck around and text “Make it look like an accident” and then “sorry, wrong number. Please ignore” to all my contacts
September 30, 2023 at 7:48 AM
Might fuck around and text “Make it look like an accident” and then “sorry, wrong number. Please ignore” to all my contacts
Reposted by New lettuce
hold on i gotta take this
February 13, 2026 at 2:33 AM
hold on i gotta take this
Reposted by New lettuce
a smell is worth a dozen words
February 13, 2026 at 3:19 AM
a smell is worth a dozen words
Reposted by New lettuce
New guy: ( gets stuck in the tar)
Me: (up to my neck in tar) welcome to the tar my man !
Me: (up to my neck in tar) welcome to the tar my man !
December 2, 2025 at 5:01 AM
New guy: ( gets stuck in the tar)
Me: (up to my neck in tar) welcome to the tar my man !
Me: (up to my neck in tar) welcome to the tar my man !
Reposted by New lettuce
They should have commercials for oatmeal, like they do for cereal, with a wacky cartoon Quaker. The kids keep trying to take it from him, but he can’t fight back for religious reasons
February 12, 2026 at 4:41 AM
They should have commercials for oatmeal, like they do for cereal, with a wacky cartoon Quaker. The kids keep trying to take it from him, but he can’t fight back for religious reasons
Reposted by New lettuce
i refuse to do anything for the time being—the time being is already far too powerful
May 4, 2024 at 1:39 AM
i refuse to do anything for the time being—the time being is already far too powerful
Reposted by New lettuce
the butt is the shoulders of the legs
February 11, 2026 at 3:42 PM
the butt is the shoulders of the legs
Reposted by New lettuce
Hunderfossen Adventure Park in Norway (Rauraggen)
February 10, 2026 at 4:25 AM
Hunderfossen Adventure Park in Norway (Rauraggen)
Reposted by New lettuce
Reposted by New lettuce
My cats like to stand on either side of the doorway and cross their halberds when I try to get through
February 9, 2026 at 1:41 AM
My cats like to stand on either side of the doorway and cross their halberds when I try to get through
Reposted by New lettuce
What's the most you ever lost on a coin toss? Anton Chigurh here for FanDuel,
February 8, 2026 at 11:49 PM
What's the most you ever lost on a coin toss? Anton Chigurh here for FanDuel,
Reposted by New lettuce
there aren't any hunting accidents if we all just hunt each other
January 22, 2026 at 12:31 AM
there aren't any hunting accidents if we all just hunt each other
Reposted by New lettuce
eat lasers you pickled bitch
February 9, 2026 at 2:24 AM
eat lasers you pickled bitch
Reposted by New lettuce
“Mr. Beast Salesforce ad” - they’re calling it the least appealing phrase ever assembled in any language. They finally did it
February 9, 2026 at 2:32 AM
“Mr. Beast Salesforce ad” - they’re calling it the least appealing phrase ever assembled in any language. They finally did it
Reposted by New lettuce
Every Super Bowl ad is for the door in the forest. It’s annoying. “You must walk through the door.” Yeah thanks, I know that already. I dream of the door every night
February 9, 2026 at 12:38 AM
Every Super Bowl ad is for the door in the forest. It’s annoying. “You must walk through the door.” Yeah thanks, I know that already. I dream of the door every night
Reposted by New lettuce
They’re introducing The Ultimate Chore this weekend
February 7, 2026 at 12:43 AM
They’re introducing The Ultimate Chore this weekend
Holy crud the Olympic flame is a Hoberman sphere
February 6, 2026 at 10:30 PM
Holy crud the Olympic flame is a Hoberman sphere
One of my favorite activities is having fun
February 6, 2026 at 10:05 PM
One of my favorite activities is having fun
Reposted by New lettuce
[mcdonald's drive thru]
me: one burger please
drive thru: ok one murder, got it
me: i'm sorry what
(in a flash Grimace is ripping the door off my car)
me: one burger please
drive thru: ok one murder, got it
me: i'm sorry what
(in a flash Grimace is ripping the door off my car)
January 18, 2024 at 2:41 PM
[mcdonald's drive thru]
me: one burger please
drive thru: ok one murder, got it
me: i'm sorry what
(in a flash Grimace is ripping the door off my car)
me: one burger please
drive thru: ok one murder, got it
me: i'm sorry what
(in a flash Grimace is ripping the door off my car)
Guys the Olympics parade of nations is wild
February 6, 2026 at 8:49 PM
Guys the Olympics parade of nations is wild