mave
@mave.bsky.social
if anyone needs me, i’ll be in the lagoon
bangers: https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:2wtsa2p73r3lsfyenwlu6zrx/feed/aaadnem4lhxts
bangers: https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:2wtsa2p73r3lsfyenwlu6zrx/feed/aaadnem4lhxts
Pinned
mave
@mave.bsky.social
· Jul 10
As a tall person I cannot offer to reach something on a high shelf for a stranger, yet if they ask me I must oblige. This is the law of the giants
Reposted by mave
The best way to meet new people is to unexpectedly fall through their ceiling in a bathtub
October 23, 2024 at 9:01 PM
The best way to meet new people is to unexpectedly fall through their ceiling in a bathtub
Reposted by mave
MJM (intently reviewing your proposal, then a pause, then making eye contact): So you decided not to go with being pretty & witty & gay about this? Could you explain that strategy?
January 23, 2026 at 9:52 PM
MJM (intently reviewing your proposal, then a pause, then making eye contact): So you decided not to go with being pretty & witty & gay about this? Could you explain that strategy?
Reposted by mave
Reposted by mave
I’m not much for religion but if I were, if a line of clergy flew in to freezing weather to line up and oppose me while singing songs of faith, I might be thinking “are we the baddies?”
Singing
January 23, 2026 at 5:09 PM
I’m not much for religion but if I were, if a line of clergy flew in to freezing weather to line up and oppose me while singing songs of faith, I might be thinking “are we the baddies?”
[the swath of winter weather stretching across the usa]
🎶 and i would swath 2000 miles, and i would swath 2000 more 🎶
🎶 and i would swath 2000 miles, and i would swath 2000 more 🎶
January 23, 2026 at 7:03 PM
[the swath of winter weather stretching across the usa]
🎶 and i would swath 2000 miles, and i would swath 2000 more 🎶
🎶 and i would swath 2000 miles, and i would swath 2000 more 🎶
When it’s bitterly cold, people love to tell you how long it takes to get frostbite. You can get it in 5 minutes. In 3 seconds. Just from looking out the window
January 23, 2026 at 3:24 PM
When it’s bitterly cold, people love to tell you how long it takes to get frostbite. You can get it in 5 minutes. In 3 seconds. Just from looking out the window
Reposted by mave
hey does anyone know a good place to scream
January 21, 2026 at 7:46 PM
hey does anyone know a good place to scream
Reposted by mave
we need a disney princess who is osha forklift certified
November 29, 2024 at 9:19 PM
we need a disney princess who is osha forklift certified
elaborate rube goldberg machine places my phone in my hand so i can post: everyone’s getting horked up on protein these days
January 21, 2026 at 6:41 PM
elaborate rube goldberg machine places my phone in my hand so i can post: everyone’s getting horked up on protein these days
Reposted by mave
Photo by Pierre Lavie. Yes this is me. And I threw my Leica. It landed on the bass plate with hardly a scratch. Another Photographer grabbed it along with my phone and I was able to track him later. I was held face down tear gas deployed right in front of me and pepper sprayed directly into the eye.
January 17, 2026 at 2:57 PM
Photo by Pierre Lavie. Yes this is me. And I threw my Leica. It landed on the bass plate with hardly a scratch. Another Photographer grabbed it along with my phone and I was able to track him later. I was held face down tear gas deployed right in front of me and pepper sprayed directly into the eye.
In another unsettling development, the portrait who watches things from across the room is now rolling their eyes
January 16, 2026 at 12:29 AM
In another unsettling development, the portrait who watches things from across the room is now rolling their eyes
Reposted by mave
Are you approaching beavers like it's the Middle Ages? Then you are a fool.
January 15, 2026 at 9:22 PM
Are you approaching beavers like it's the Middle Ages? Then you are a fool.
Reposted by mave
Up to 40% of likes on my posts are caused by people trying to wipe honey mustard sauce off their screen
January 15, 2026 at 7:08 PM
Up to 40% of likes on my posts are caused by people trying to wipe honey mustard sauce off their screen
It’s sweet when they say “wherever you get your podcasts.” Like maybe you procure them down at the ole general store
January 15, 2026 at 5:18 PM
It’s sweet when they say “wherever you get your podcasts.” Like maybe you procure them down at the ole general store
Reposted by mave
How I'm dealing with my stress: I bought a 3d printer and am producing 100 whistles at a time. 1000 heading to Minneapolis tomorrow.
January 15, 2026 at 3:16 AM
How I'm dealing with my stress: I bought a 3d printer and am producing 100 whistles at a time. 1000 heading to Minneapolis tomorrow.
Reposted by mave
I leave my bed unmade; I like to see the exact moment I gave up bliss for responsibility.
December 6, 2025 at 9:23 PM
I leave my bed unmade; I like to see the exact moment I gave up bliss for responsibility.
Reposted by mave
Veganuary is great because I feel really great, I put more effort into eating interesting stuff that tastes good, and it gets me in fighting shape for Febonlypizzauary.
January 14, 2026 at 3:17 PM
Veganuary is great because I feel really great, I put more effort into eating interesting stuff that tastes good, and it gets me in fighting shape for Febonlypizzauary.
[soothing marimba interlude]
January 14, 2026 at 12:59 AM
[soothing marimba interlude]
Making friends in this waiting room by reaching deep into my handbag and carefully pulling out a six-foot party sub
January 13, 2026 at 5:35 PM
Making friends in this waiting room by reaching deep into my handbag and carefully pulling out a six-foot party sub
Reposted by mave
Nobody:
Me: Sure, I've eaten a few dog treats in my day.
Me: Sure, I've eaten a few dog treats in my day.
January 13, 2026 at 3:50 AM
Nobody:
Me: Sure, I've eaten a few dog treats in my day.
Me: Sure, I've eaten a few dog treats in my day.
Reposted by mave
Too bad a carafe isn't what it sounds like (a car-shaped giraffe).
January 13, 2026 at 2:00 AM
Too bad a carafe isn't what it sounds like (a car-shaped giraffe).
Fine, I’ll admit it. Peeling garbanzo beans first makes a significantly more delectable hummus
January 13, 2026 at 1:27 AM
Fine, I’ll admit it. Peeling garbanzo beans first makes a significantly more delectable hummus
Reposted by mave
My buddy and I added a giant styrofoam stone to Stonehenge once and no one noticed for like 11 years.
January 13, 2026 at 12:36 AM
My buddy and I added a giant styrofoam stone to Stonehenge once and no one noticed for like 11 years.
Reposted by mave
Exit lines I expect I'll be using in 2026:
1. I simply must go, l left my squirrel army unattended.
2. Oh how charming! Unfortunately, I'm already fully enchanted.
3. Goodness, is that the time? Is time still even a function of reality?
4. Yeah, I think we're done here, prick biscuit.
1. I simply must go, l left my squirrel army unattended.
2. Oh how charming! Unfortunately, I'm already fully enchanted.
3. Goodness, is that the time? Is time still even a function of reality?
4. Yeah, I think we're done here, prick biscuit.
January 12, 2026 at 6:27 PM
Exit lines I expect I'll be using in 2026:
1. I simply must go, l left my squirrel army unattended.
2. Oh how charming! Unfortunately, I'm already fully enchanted.
3. Goodness, is that the time? Is time still even a function of reality?
4. Yeah, I think we're done here, prick biscuit.
1. I simply must go, l left my squirrel army unattended.
2. Oh how charming! Unfortunately, I'm already fully enchanted.
3. Goodness, is that the time? Is time still even a function of reality?
4. Yeah, I think we're done here, prick biscuit.
Reposted by mave
Inextricably trapped beneath the murky depths in my submersible again
January 12, 2026 at 6:28 PM
Inextricably trapped beneath the murky depths in my submersible again