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MrsFitz

@mrsfitz.bsky.social

1.4K followers 610 following 270 posts

https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:oc6tr5qvwwhtehgp4rrlik7z/feed/aaao6dnwwd3rw

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MrsFitz @mrsfitz.bsky.social · Jan 20

Sorry I said your boyfriend looks like Baron Harkonnen. It was childish & wrong. He's floating right behind me, isn't he?

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Salty MacTavish @saltymactavish.bsky.social · 35m

His beard was like a temper tantrum. Her breath was better than her playlist. They made love in the Kohl’s parking lot.

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Dumb Beezie @dumbbeezie.bsky.social · 25m

People who post cat videos deserve the Nobel Peace Prize

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Jimmer Cork-Bottle @jimmerthatisall.bsky.social · 3h

The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do scrapbooking.

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💀Tombkick💀 @doomkick.com · 6h

Please sir, my shells, they're stuffed.

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Mr. Bea Arthur, Dead Inside™️ @steamymac.bsky.social · 6h

There’s really no punk rock way to make a solar system out of birthday cake.

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spleenly @spleenly.bsky.social · 1h

Can't wait to see the federal response to trick-or-treaters.

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Roxy @laboxalaroxa.bsky.social · 1h

JANE! GET ME OFF THIS CRAZY THING! re: america

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Pandy Fackler 🎃 @thatbrenna.bsky.social · 3h

Y'all I can't do another social media move. Dm me your number and I'll text you

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Tusk Jenkins @tuskjenkins.bsky.social · 6h

Be careful saying negative things about yourself breathing through bamboo from the bottom of a pond. People walking by will tell the pond positive things about it and you'll believe them I love you pond

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Roxy @laboxalaroxa.bsky.social · 9h

Today I woke up not feeling like I was dying. Something must be wrong.

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Astr0z0mbreez @astr0z0mbreez.bsky.social · 8h

I believe in life after death like scientifically cause almost every rotting tomato & pumpkin ive thrown back in the dirt comes back as a plant in the Spring unless they like don’t have the will or somethin

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Marc @runoldman.bsky.social · 9h

HGTV has taught me you can do anything if you have the right tools. I’ve also learned that any handyman you hire will have those tools.

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Sunshine Jarboly @sunshinejarboly.bsky.social · 6h

one of the negative side effects from the covid lockdown that’s rarely talked about is how social media ushered in the ‘really-good-looking-influencer-couple-pranking-each-other-in-their-lifeless-mansions-where-every-light-in-the-house-is-on’ genre of entertainment.

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Kelly🆘🇺🇸 @kimtopher22.bsky.social · 8h

Hi, my name is Kelly and I prefer unfrosted pop-tarts.

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Frank Ray Whitehouse (He/Him) @wheeltod.bsky.social · 6h

[First Date]

Paige Turner: "I've been unlucky in love. I feel like people expect me to be more exciting."

Cliff Hanger: "Weird. I get that too."

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💀Tombkick💀 @doomkick.com · 6h

Due to inflation I'll still be buying myself a little treat.

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andy vs. @im-all-id.me · 7h

Who needs sex when you have cool ranch doritos?

Therapist: *scribbling furiously*

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Sooz @cruisinsoozan.bsky.social · 18h

Once you’re over forty, a bad day can be improved with a nap, or a bowl of the premium fro yo... even a good fart. All three will send your body into shock though. Be careful.

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Idle @hatesnicethings.bsky.social · 18h

The world lost when it decided to want to make war instead of art. Me?
I just want to make pancakes.

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Tusk Jenkins @tuskjenkins.bsky.social · 17h

You know what it is, the mind yearning to commune with the night and knowing not to say day things like talking to ambience solves nothing let's fuck up afternoons

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Mr. Bea Arthur, Dead Inside™️ @steamymac.bsky.social · 12h

Brain damage is probably my most endearing quality.

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Woodrow Peel 🆗🆒 @woodyluvscoffee.bsky.social · 16h

Unable to find support from my leftist friends that dogs hate fireworks cuz they're scared of freedom

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MonsterKing @cerromerussell.blacksky.app · 11h

I knew I was late for work when I woke up refreshed and well rested this morning

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Robert “The Bobby Yaga” McNees @mcnees.bsky.social · 3d

Adding to my Halloween wishlist: A Tom Waits cover of Oingo Boingo's "Weird Science"

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Bookshop.org @bookshop.org · 3d

Can’t decide what to buy on Prime Day?

Try: absolutely nothing, and then go support indie bookstores instead 📚

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