Mystery
@mysteryums.bsky.social
jokester, selfhoster, gamer, animer
mostly funny, Occasionally Serious™
opinions are not mine something is controlling me please help
mostly funny, Occasionally Serious™
opinions are not mine something is controlling me please help
Pinned
Mystery
@mysteryums.bsky.social
· Oct 27
a genie but he’s been trapped in a BMW headlight and can only be released by using the turn signal
Reposted by Mystery
[mildly inconvenienced kristi noem to her noem dog] i just can't do this noemore, *bang*
[exasperated gnome wife to her gnome husband] i just can't do this gnomore
October 20, 2025 at 12:39 PM
[mildly inconvenienced kristi noem to her noem dog] i just can't do this noemore, *bang*
Reposted by Mystery
Like the bible says: live by the sword, no worries
January 8, 2026 at 7:28 PM
Like the bible says: live by the sword, no worries
Reposted by Mystery
Naming a police officer is not doxxing. We aren’t supposed to have secret police in America.
January 9, 2026 at 12:10 AM
Naming a police officer is not doxxing. We aren’t supposed to have secret police in America.
Reposted by Mystery
NYT Opinion: "ICE is a Supremely Wasteful Agency; How Many Bullets Does One Execution Need"
January 8, 2026 at 6:28 AM
NYT Opinion: "ICE is a Supremely Wasteful Agency; How Many Bullets Does One Execution Need"
Reposted by Mystery
Immigration, Customs, and Executions
January 8, 2026 at 5:55 AM
Immigration, Customs, and Executions
NYT Opinion: "ICE is a Supremely Wasteful Agency; How Many Bullets Does One Execution Need"
January 8, 2026 at 6:28 AM
NYT Opinion: "ICE is a Supremely Wasteful Agency; How Many Bullets Does One Execution Need"
Immigration, Customs, and Executions
January 8, 2026 at 5:55 AM
Immigration, Customs, and Executions
Reposted by Mystery
Here’s some things that can be done by a party out of power
- file impeachment articles every day in the House
- withhold unanimous consent in the senate and filibuster every nominee
- be everywhere with comms saying this is lawless and impeachable
- file impeachment articles every day in the House
- withhold unanimous consent in the senate and filibuster every nominee
- be everywhere with comms saying this is lawless and impeachable
January 8, 2026 at 3:16 AM
Here’s some things that can be done by a party out of power
- file impeachment articles every day in the House
- withhold unanimous consent in the senate and filibuster every nominee
- be everywhere with comms saying this is lawless and impeachable
- file impeachment articles every day in the House
- withhold unanimous consent in the senate and filibuster every nominee
- be everywhere with comms saying this is lawless and impeachable
Reposted by Mystery
every seat in a movie theater should have an "I have to pee" button and if enough people press it they should be able to pause the movie
January 7, 2026 at 2:08 AM
every seat in a movie theater should have an "I have to pee" button and if enough people press it they should be able to pause the movie
this is why i make bad jokes on purpose, gotta find a good ratio so it's not suspicious (those were NOT earnest jokes, stop saying they were earnest jokes)
Does anybody else find some accounts "suspiciously funny"? Like, I don't know, that seems like a lot of bangers for one person. And then boom, they get outed as a joke thief
January 7, 2026 at 6:08 AM
this is why i make bad jokes on purpose, gotta find a good ratio so it's not suspicious (those were NOT earnest jokes, stop saying they were earnest jokes)
i cant prove the house is on fire but smoke is billowing out of the open windows and a guy (with a highly documented history of both enjoying fire and hanging out with convicted arsonists) is barring anyone from going inside while ranting about "house fire hoaxes" perpetuated by "Big Firefighting"
January 7, 2026 at 6:02 AM
i cant prove the house is on fire but smoke is billowing out of the open windows and a guy (with a highly documented history of both enjoying fire and hanging out with convicted arsonists) is barring anyone from going inside while ranting about "house fire hoaxes" perpetuated by "Big Firefighting"
Reposted by Mystery
in times when our coup attempting convicted felon dementia addled pedophile president is launching invasions of other sovereign nations in order to kidnap their world leaders off the street, it's important to remember that the democrats can't do anything as we must follow the rules
January 4, 2026 at 1:43 AM
in times when our coup attempting convicted felon dementia addled pedophile president is launching invasions of other sovereign nations in order to kidnap their world leaders off the street, it's important to remember that the democrats can't do anything as we must follow the rules
Reposted by Mystery
Reposted by Mystery
Could an empire in decline do THIS? *launches deeply unpopular invasion cementing status as lunatic-led pariah state, its not clear what kind of move i was trying to do*
January 3, 2026 at 6:59 PM
Could an empire in decline do THIS? *launches deeply unpopular invasion cementing status as lunatic-led pariah state, its not clear what kind of move i was trying to do*
Reposted by Mystery
pov: you're the random DEA agent attached to the delta force snatch and grab of maduro in order to given it the thinnest veneer of """law enforcement""" legitimacy
January 4, 2026 at 3:57 AM
pov: you're the random DEA agent attached to the delta force snatch and grab of maduro in order to given it the thinnest veneer of """law enforcement""" legitimacy
pov: you're the random DEA agent attached to the delta force snatch and grab of maduro in order to given it the thinnest veneer of """law enforcement""" legitimacy
January 4, 2026 at 3:57 AM
pov: you're the random DEA agent attached to the delta force snatch and grab of maduro in order to given it the thinnest veneer of """law enforcement""" legitimacy
in times when our coup attempting convicted felon dementia addled pedophile president is launching invasions of other sovereign nations in order to kidnap their world leaders off the street, it's important to remember that the democrats can't do anything as we must follow the rules
January 4, 2026 at 1:43 AM
in times when our coup attempting convicted felon dementia addled pedophile president is launching invasions of other sovereign nations in order to kidnap their world leaders off the street, it's important to remember that the democrats can't do anything as we must follow the rules
Reposted by Mystery
Once again.
No Blood For Oil vs. Exactly How Much Oil Are We Talking About?
Contrary to what he would have you believe, President Bush’s plans to invade Iraq have nothing to do with such high-minded goals as liberating the Iraqi people or saving the world from terrorism. His ...
theonion.com
January 3, 2026 at 8:26 PM
Once again.
Reposted by Mystery
Democratic Senator locked in a room, brow furrowed, trying to find the perfect photo of Maduro to accompany a social media post of light condemnation where his face looks sufficiently “narcotraficante”
January 3, 2026 at 4:03 PM
Democratic Senator locked in a room, brow furrowed, trying to find the perfect photo of Maduro to accompany a social media post of light condemnation where his face looks sufficiently “narcotraficante”
Reposted by Mystery
"history doesn't repeat itself, but it often rhymes"
except for when it exactly repeats itself apparently??
except for when it exactly repeats itself apparently??
January 3, 2026 at 4:27 PM
"history doesn't repeat itself, but it often rhymes"
except for when it exactly repeats itself apparently??
except for when it exactly repeats itself apparently??
Reposted by Mystery
turns out it's actually not that crazy and is literally a dustin hoffman + robert de niro movie from 1997
January 3, 2026 at 5:28 PM
turns out it's actually not that crazy and is literally a dustin hoffman + robert de niro movie from 1997
Reposted by Mystery
Reposted by Mystery
We had a good run
2026 could be great. We simply don't know.
January 3, 2026 at 4:08 PM
We had a good run
Reposted by Mystery
Marco Rubio is reportedly saying Maduro will stand trial in US courts.
Which means it’s now the US administration’s position that US courts can hold foreign presidents, but not the US president, accountable for crimes.
Which means it’s now the US administration’s position that US courts can hold foreign presidents, but not the US president, accountable for crimes.
January 3, 2026 at 10:52 AM
Marco Rubio is reportedly saying Maduro will stand trial in US courts.
Which means it’s now the US administration’s position that US courts can hold foreign presidents, but not the US president, accountable for crimes.
Which means it’s now the US administration’s position that US courts can hold foreign presidents, but not the US president, accountable for crimes.
Reposted by Mystery
Trump says Maduro had to go because he's a criminal who's hated in his own country and a threat to peace in the region. plus he stays up all night watching TV, stands in a really weird way and his son is too tall
January 3, 2026 at 12:32 PM
Trump says Maduro had to go because he's a criminal who's hated in his own country and a threat to peace in the region. plus he stays up all night watching TV, stands in a really weird way and his son is too tall