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Phoebe Barton 🚀🇺🇳

@phoebebarton.bsky.social

5K followers 410 following 16K posts

Giant queer trans sf/game writer who is NOT AMERICAN, typewriter guardian, mind poisoner. Nebula winner, Aurora winner! Assistant Editor at Escape Pod, CW '19. Hamilton, Ontario. Header by @shargrave.bsky.social. She/her. www.phoebebartonsf.com

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Phoebe Barton 🚀🇺🇳 @phoebebarton.bsky.social · Nov 15

To all who're new to following and who've been here for a while, hi! I write about the future because I refuse to give up hope, and because giant queer ladies deserve to have their stories told. Check out details of my stories, typewriters, and games at phoebebartonsf.com - thanks for being around!

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Phoebe Barton 🚀🇺🇳 @phoebebarton.bsky.social · 12m

if only I had been able to make this decision myself, rather than have my fucked-up, malfunctioning underbrain make it for me

Shubbabang @shubbabang.bsky.social · 4h

The image is a six panel black and white comic

Panel 1- A small child is being told "You'll want kids when you're older!" The child responds with "I don't think so..."

Panel 2- The same child, now a teenager, is being told, "You'll change your mind when you're older." To which the teen responds, "I doubt that"

Panel 3- Now an adult, someone off screen asks them, "Aren't you thinking of having kids?" To which they respond, "Nope"

Panel 4- The same person, an older adult now, is being told, "better have kids soon, or it'll be too late!" to which they respond, "That's fine"

Panel 5- Now elderly, they are once again asked "Don't you feel like you missed out?" to which they say, "Still nope."

Panel 6- They are now in their death bed, clearly close to death. The nurse says, "Shame you didn't have kids, don't you regret it?" To which the person says "You know what just kill me already"

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Phoebe Barton 🚀🇺🇳 @phoebebarton.bsky.social · 15m

there aren't any, because tourists are wise enough to avoid Barrie

Merriam-Webster @merriam-webster.com · 2h

What’s the word where you’re from that, when pronounced exactly as it looks, identifies a tourist immediately?

Phoebe Barton 🚀🇺🇳 @phoebebarton.bsky.social · 1h

every time I encounter something like this I wonder if it came from some highfalutin bullshit like "oh it's spelled Fanshawe but it's pronounced Featherstonehaugh, because we're fancy" or if because people in the past didn't fucking know how to spell

Phoebe Barton 🚀🇺🇳 @phoebebarton.bsky.social · 1h

weird - I've never lived closer to Ottawa than Toronto and it would never have occurred to me that there were ways to pronounce it *besides* REE-dough

Phoebe Barton 🚀🇺🇳 @phoebebarton.bsky.social · 1h

natural languages teach one lesson above all: humans crave weird complexity

Phoebe Barton 🚀🇺🇳 @phoebebarton.bsky.social · 3h

you know what a good name would be for a planet that experiences a lot of quakes?

that's right

Moment Magnitude

what, did you think I was going to suggest something else?

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Phoebe Barton 🚀🇺🇳 @phoebebarton.bsky.social · 4h

me: *sees the abbreviation "SB" in any context whatsoever*
me: that must stand for Stong Bah

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Phoebe Barton 🚀🇺🇳 @phoebebarton.bsky.social · 5h

one good way to tell if you're dealing with an interesting future world is if you see robots like this walking around

Funranium (AKA Phil Broughton) @funranium.bsky.social · 5h

ED-69 was a drunken NYE project in 2018 where we rummaged through Jen’s Closet of Wonders to make a tricked out dirtbag version of her giant ED-209 figurine.

There’s a lot going on here, so please zoom in to take in the details.

A large ED-209 figure wearing a gold chain, wearing a trucker hat with “SEX POPE” on it, holding a card that reads “I AM NOT A REGISTERED SEX OFFENDER”. There is a big black cock dangling from the chassis.

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Reposted by Phoebe Barton 🚀🇺🇳

Sheryl Weikal and the colorful Parrotlegals @leftistlawyer.com · 5h

I see a lot of people saying that a person charged with a crime deserves the chance to prove their innocence.

Please stop doing this because you have it backwards and this is really important.

It is ALWAYS the government's burden to prove a person guilty beyond a reasonable doubt.

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Reposted by Phoebe Barton 🚀🇺🇳

Phoebe Barton 🚀🇺🇳 @phoebebarton.bsky.social · 22h

even in 1945 people knew how to mock wearable cameras

From the Letters to the Editors pages in the October 1, 1945 issue of Life Magazine:

Sirs:

The plan outlined by Dr. Bush of having a small camera awkwardly strapped to the forehead is antiquated. I have experimented with a small camera built directly into the skull. The flesh and skin is scientifically grafted right up to, but not over, the lens. Removing upward of 38% of the brain matter gives ample space for the most advanced science of dry photography.

In Dr. Bush's archaic plan he states that "the cord which trips its shutter may reach down a man's sleeve within easy reach of his fingers." For releasing the shutter of our improved built-in camera we insert thin wire though an old arm vein no longer needed on account of the substitution of a more scientific plastic vein. This up-to-date method not only operates the camera with greater speed, but eliminates the cumbersome and unsightly tube hung over the right ear in Dr. Bush's method.

MATTHIAS KOOPS JR.
Chillicothe, Ohio

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Reposted by Phoebe Barton 🚀🇺🇳

Mary Gillis @marygillis.bsky.social · 21h

The plot of the next Simpsons movie should be the kids at Springfield Elementary digging up a time capsule that was buried 40 years ago and realizing they're the same children who buried it because their world hasn't aged in 4 decades.

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Reposted by Phoebe Barton 🚀🇺🇳

POKEY THE PENGUIN @pokeythepenguin.bsky.social · 3d

I HAVE INVENTED A COMPUTER PROGRAM YOU MAY USE TO TALK TO YOUR FRIENDS!!! HERE IS THE FIRST STEP

I AM ORDERING YOU TO PUT YOUR FACE INTO THE GLUE

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Phoebe Barton 🚀🇺🇳 @phoebebarton.bsky.social · 20h

hello Pokey!

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Reposted by Phoebe Barton 🚀🇺🇳

POKEY THE PENGUIN @pokeythepenguin.bsky.social · 20h

THE DEPARTURE yellow5.com/pokey

ONE DAY IN THE ARCTIC CIRCLE....POKEY ANNOUNCES: I MUST DEPART

LATER...POKEY ANNOUNCES: I'M BACK!!

THE SMALL CHILD, STANDING NEARBY, DECLARES: HELLO POKEY

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Reposted by Phoebe Barton 🚀🇺🇳

Zoë “Baddie Proctor” Quinn @unburntwitch.com · 23h

someone call the etsy witches this is a fucking emergency

Phil Lewis @phillewis.bsky.social · 23h

Dolly Parton's sister is asking fans to "pray with me" amid the country music icon's health issues

Dolly Parton’s Sister Says ‘I Was Up All Night Praying’ Amid Country Icon’s Health Issues and Asks Fans to ‘Pray With Me’

Dolly Parton's sister Frieda is asking fans of the Queen of Country to "pray with me" amid Dolly's continued health struggles.

variety.com

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Reposted by Phoebe Barton 🚀🇺🇳

Eryn @eryn.bsky.social · 21h

We ask for help in the vocabulary we have. We answer in the vocabulary we have.

Sending Dolly & her family so much love. Please, we are full up on bad news. I know she misses her husband terribly & I hate that for her. I still think missing my grampa is what took my gramma.