Simon Batistoni
@simon.batistoni.net
Professional nerd for nearly a quarter-century. Dad, complete with dad jokes.
More than half the jokes in this are lifted straight from National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation
McDonald's has released an AI-generated Christmas ad
The studio behind it says they 'hardly slept' for several weeks while writing AI prompts and refining the shots — 'AI didn't make this film. We did'
Comments have been turned off on YouTube
The studio behind it says they 'hardly slept' for several weeks while writing AI prompts and refining the shots — 'AI didn't make this film. We did'
Comments have been turned off on YouTube
December 9, 2025 at 12:48 PM
More than half the jokes in this are lifted straight from National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation
Was thinking this the other day, noticing the 20+ “dubai chocolate” products now sprinkled around my local Publix.
Would read a deep dive on “Dubai chocolate”, which I assume is a PR campaign: the politics, the influencing, the network, the takeup, the subsequent global pistachio shortage, whether it’s already over as a thing, etc. www.reddit.com/r/CasualUK/s...
From the CasualUK community on Reddit: Nature is healing
Explore this post and more from the CasualUK community
www.reddit.com
December 9, 2025 at 12:34 PM
Was thinking this the other day, noticing the 20+ “dubai chocolate” products now sprinkled around my local Publix.
Reposted by Simon Batistoni
can't stop watching this clip of a tesla Optimus teleoperator taking his headset off before properly logging out the robot
December 8, 2025 at 9:29 AM
can't stop watching this clip of a tesla Optimus teleoperator taking his headset off before properly logging out the robot
Congrats, Google. You’ve made the act of adding a fucking thermostat to your fucking app so frustrating I gave up and ordered a competitor as a replacement.
Reminds me I need to finish kicking Gsuite out of my life over Christmas break.
Reminds me I need to finish kicking Gsuite out of my life over Christmas break.
December 8, 2025 at 3:35 AM
Congrats, Google. You’ve made the act of adding a fucking thermostat to your fucking app so frustrating I gave up and ordered a competitor as a replacement.
Reminds me I need to finish kicking Gsuite out of my life over Christmas break.
Reminds me I need to finish kicking Gsuite out of my life over Christmas break.
Reposted by Simon Batistoni
Reposted by Simon Batistoni
I'll say again: we are oddly selective about the government services about which we will say, they operate at a loss.
We say Amtrak and the post office "lose money" but we never say highways, the court system, the Pentagon, etc lose money
We say Amtrak and the post office "lose money" but we never say highways, the court system, the Pentagon, etc lose money
The USPS posting a NINE BILLION DOLLAR LOSS!!! sounds terrible. Certainly worse than if you said "USPS costs thirty dollars per person per year" even though that means the same thing and more accurately describes a government service
December 7, 2025 at 7:24 AM
I'll say again: we are oddly selective about the government services about which we will say, they operate at a loss.
We say Amtrak and the post office "lose money" but we never say highways, the court system, the Pentagon, etc lose money
We say Amtrak and the post office "lose money" but we never say highways, the court system, the Pentagon, etc lose money
Reposted by Simon Batistoni
it's so funny that Games Workshop went in twenty years from a company that made games you got beaten up in middle school for enjoying to now being the 67th most valuable company in the United Kingdom
incredible victory for kids who spent ages 11+ with a crust of super glue on their fingertips
incredible victory for kids who spent ages 11+ with a crust of super glue on their fingertips
December 7, 2025 at 11:03 AM
it's so funny that Games Workshop went in twenty years from a company that made games you got beaten up in middle school for enjoying to now being the 67th most valuable company in the United Kingdom
incredible victory for kids who spent ages 11+ with a crust of super glue on their fingertips
incredible victory for kids who spent ages 11+ with a crust of super glue on their fingertips
Reposted by Simon Batistoni
sorry I'm late! I have at last broken my silence on Pantone's Color of the Year johnpaulbrammer.substack.com/p/cloud-danc...
'Cloud Dancer': A Measured Response
Regarding Pantone's decision, and so on, and so forth
johnpaulbrammer.substack.com
December 6, 2025 at 7:55 PM
sorry I'm late! I have at last broken my silence on Pantone's Color of the Year johnpaulbrammer.substack.com/p/cloud-danc...
Reposted by Simon Batistoni
$20 billion could end homelessness in the US
$40 billion could end hunger globally
Both would still only cost 3/4 of what Meta blew on Mark Zuckerberg’s obviously bad ideas because nobody would tell him they were stupid because he’s worth over $200 billion because he doesn’t pay his share of taxes
$40 billion could end hunger globally
Both would still only cost 3/4 of what Meta blew on Mark Zuckerberg’s obviously bad ideas because nobody would tell him they were stupid because he’s worth over $200 billion because he doesn’t pay his share of taxes
Mark Zuckerberg’s gamble on the "Metaverse" has lost his company more than $77 billion.
December 6, 2025 at 11:54 AM
$20 billion could end homelessness in the US
$40 billion could end hunger globally
Both would still only cost 3/4 of what Meta blew on Mark Zuckerberg’s obviously bad ideas because nobody would tell him they were stupid because he’s worth over $200 billion because he doesn’t pay his share of taxes
$40 billion could end hunger globally
Both would still only cost 3/4 of what Meta blew on Mark Zuckerberg’s obviously bad ideas because nobody would tell him they were stupid because he’s worth over $200 billion because he doesn’t pay his share of taxes
Reposted by Simon Batistoni
dude was so all about the metaverse that he renamed the whole company, only to burn billions on a venture that anybody with sense knew was destined to fail. it is laughable that he remains in charge. merit simply does not exist
Meta Platforms is planning cuts to the metaverse—an arena Mark Zuckerberg once called the future of the company—and will shift spending to AI wearables.
Meta Plans to Shift Spending Away From the Metaverse
Zuckerberg’s bet on immersive online worlds has lost the company more than $77 billion since 2020.
on.wsj.com
December 4, 2025 at 11:47 PM
dude was so all about the metaverse that he renamed the whole company, only to burn billions on a venture that anybody with sense knew was destined to fail. it is laughable that he remains in charge. merit simply does not exist
Reposted by Simon Batistoni
Democratic politicians need to stop accepting Trump’s white nationalist premise that immigration is bad and proudly and loudly make a positive case for why America’s identity and history as a nation of immigrants is so important.
December 4, 2025 at 1:14 AM
Democratic politicians need to stop accepting Trump’s white nationalist premise that immigration is bad and proudly and loudly make a positive case for why America’s identity and history as a nation of immigrants is so important.
Reposted by Simon Batistoni
There's a software engineer in Hong Kong who makes incredibly detailed scientific diagrams for wikipedia, like this clickable metro-style map of metabolic pathways!!!
December 4, 2025 at 1:18 AM
There's a software engineer in Hong Kong who makes incredibly detailed scientific diagrams for wikipedia, like this clickable metro-style map of metabolic pathways!!!
Aw, RIP Claude www.sfchronicle.com/entertainmen...
Claude, San Francisco’s beloved albino alligator, dies at 30
Claude, the California Academy of Sciences’ rare albino alligator and one of San Francisco’s most recognizable residents, has died at age 30.
www.sfchronicle.com
December 3, 2025 at 2:40 AM
Aw, RIP Claude www.sfchronicle.com/entertainmen...
I feel like, as they age, Alton Brown and Adam Savage are converging towards being the same person. I would also pay good money to see them do some kind of show together
www.youtube.com/watch?v=hdUX...
www.youtube.com/watch?v=hdUX...
Alton Brown Cooks Food | Episode 1: The Big Bird
YouTube video by Alton Brown
www.youtube.com
December 1, 2025 at 6:39 PM
I feel like, as they age, Alton Brown and Adam Savage are converging towards being the same person. I would also pay good money to see them do some kind of show together
www.youtube.com/watch?v=hdUX...
www.youtube.com/watch?v=hdUX...
ok fine I *do* want @profanity.accountant to count my linguistic indiscretions
November 30, 2025 at 12:53 AM
ok fine I *do* want @profanity.accountant to count my linguistic indiscretions
Reposted by Simon Batistoni
I cannot even begin to express my rage at this lie
reading this through me back into my pandemic EMT life, attempting to resuscitate a child experiencing a cardiac arrest secondary to COVID while a father says “we heard that the vaccine was riskier than COVID for kids” and a mother wails in agony
reading this through me back into my pandemic EMT life, attempting to resuscitate a child experiencing a cardiac arrest secondary to COVID while a father says “we heard that the vaccine was riskier than COVID for kids” and a mother wails in agony
NEW: The F.D.A. announced in an internal memo that 10 children died "because of" the Covid shot. Other experts want to see proof.
“This is a profound revelation,” Dr. Prasad's memo said. “For the first time, the U.S. F.D.A. will acknowledge that Covid-19 vaccines have killed American children.”
“This is a profound revelation,” Dr. Prasad's memo said. “For the first time, the U.S. F.D.A. will acknowledge that Covid-19 vaccines have killed American children.”
F.D.A. Attributes 10 Children’s Deaths to Covid Vaccines
www.nytimes.com
November 29, 2025 at 12:27 PM
I cannot even begin to express my rage at this lie
reading this through me back into my pandemic EMT life, attempting to resuscitate a child experiencing a cardiac arrest secondary to COVID while a father says “we heard that the vaccine was riskier than COVID for kids” and a mother wails in agony
reading this through me back into my pandemic EMT life, attempting to resuscitate a child experiencing a cardiac arrest secondary to COVID while a father says “we heard that the vaccine was riskier than COVID for kids” and a mother wails in agony
Siri accepting my response “yarp” as an affirmative is the first truly joyful technology experiences I’ve had in quite a while
November 28, 2025 at 10:57 PM
Siri accepting my response “yarp” as an affirmative is the first truly joyful technology experiences I’ve had in quite a while
Introduce yourself with 5 animals you’ve seen in your back garden
- Hummingbird (CA)
- Coyote
- Alligator
- Possum (front half thereof)
- Buzzards (circling as I carried the half-possum to the compost pile on a shovel)
Florida’s a trip
- Hummingbird (CA)
- Coyote
- Alligator
- Possum (front half thereof)
- Buzzards (circling as I carried the half-possum to the compost pile on a shovel)
Florida’s a trip
Introduce yourself with 5 animals you’ve seen in your back garden
- sparrow hawk
- fox
- pheasant
- bank vole
- green mamba (admittedly not in current North Yorkshire back garden)
- sparrow hawk
- fox
- pheasant
- bank vole
- green mamba (admittedly not in current North Yorkshire back garden)
Introduce yourself with 5 animals you have seen in the wild
- rhino
- orca
- elk
- hedgehog (in a pub entrance)
- black bear (back garden)
- rhino
- orca
- elk
- hedgehog (in a pub entrance)
- black bear (back garden)
November 28, 2025 at 6:21 PM
Introduce yourself with 5 animals you’ve seen in your back garden
- Hummingbird (CA)
- Coyote
- Alligator
- Possum (front half thereof)
- Buzzards (circling as I carried the half-possum to the compost pile on a shovel)
Florida’s a trip
- Hummingbird (CA)
- Coyote
- Alligator
- Possum (front half thereof)
- Buzzards (circling as I carried the half-possum to the compost pile on a shovel)
Florida’s a trip
Reposted by Simon Batistoni
Let's not confuse the people giving the stupid orders with the people who have to deal with following them, who are often good and decent people.
Apparently she offered to cover other people's shifts so they could go home to their families for the holiday.
www.cnn.com/2025/11/27/u...
www.cnn.com/2025/11/27/u...
Two National Guard members were tasked with serving the nation. One is dead as the other fights for his life after shooting | CNN
On a day when many families gather across the country to give thanks, a National Guard member’s family is mourning her death after an ambush-style shooting in Washington, DC, as her colleague fights f...
www.cnn.com
November 28, 2025 at 3:04 AM
Let's not confuse the people giving the stupid orders with the people who have to deal with following them, who are often good and decent people.
Reposted by Simon Batistoni
Thrilled to share the Point Reyes Myriorama: a storytelling art deck inspired by the National Seashore and my love of Philip Pullman. I teamed up with artist Carrie Alyson of Aspenhearted. Preorder now for early 2026 delivery: www.pointreyesmyriorama.com
The Point Reyes Myriorama | 24-Card Illustrated Deck
Explore Point Reyes through 24 illustrated cards. Every edge lines up seamlessly to create infinite panoramic landscapes. Includes guidebook.
www.pointreyesmyriorama.com
November 28, 2025 at 12:25 AM
Thrilled to share the Point Reyes Myriorama: a storytelling art deck inspired by the National Seashore and my love of Philip Pullman. I teamed up with artist Carrie Alyson of Aspenhearted. Preorder now for early 2026 delivery: www.pointreyesmyriorama.com
Trying to figure out why Facebook have spent a bazillion dollars spamming the Macy’s Thanksgiving Parade show with an ad for the product they were offering 15 years ago.
November 27, 2025 at 2:10 PM
Trying to figure out why Facebook have spent a bazillion dollars spamming the Macy’s Thanksgiving Parade show with an ad for the product they were offering 15 years ago.
I continue to love how The Onion has just completely taken off the gloves (and picked up a glass-studded baseball bat)
Larry Summers Announces He Will Step Down From Chair With Belt Around Neck
November 22, 2025 at 3:05 PM
I continue to love how The Onion has just completely taken off the gloves (and picked up a glass-studded baseball bat)
Reposted by Simon Batistoni
Every day I have to hear about some asshole
February 28, 2025 at 12:25 PM
Every day I have to hear about some asshole
Instagram is tentatively shoving back pain ads at me, I assume based solely on age (my back is fine). I’m taking it as a sign that I’m successfully evading most of The Algorithm’s tentacles
November 17, 2025 at 3:01 AM
Instagram is tentatively shoving back pain ads at me, I assume based solely on age (my back is fine). I’m taking it as a sign that I’m successfully evading most of The Algorithm’s tentacles
Normalize people screaming “child rapist” in Alan Dershowitz’s face wherever he goes. When he wakes up in the morning, there should be a rotating chorus of 50-100 people outside, first thing he hears.
How she was bullied to protect Dershowitz
To be very clear, Virginia Giuffre was made to say she mistakenly identified Alan Dershowitz as one of the people who sexually abused her. Here is the proof from this week's Epstein files dropped by the House Oversight Committee.
November 16, 2025 at 8:57 PM
Normalize people screaming “child rapist” in Alan Dershowitz’s face wherever he goes. When he wakes up in the morning, there should be a rotating chorus of 50-100 people outside, first thing he hears.