[Trump announces that ICE agents will now wear white hoods]

New York Times: the president makes a bold fashion statement

if you’re charging $40 for your haunted house i better be able to fuck a ghost or at the very least make pottery with one.

BREAKING: I'm about to harm a bunch of people. More on this story as it develops.

STEVE HARVEY: something with 8 legs you don’t want to see in your bedroom
ME, BUZZING IN IMMEDIATELY: 4 men fucking my wife

We're talking about a guy who hates Tuesdays...

Archeologist: we've decoded the Rosetta Stone! Now we can read Egyptian hieroglyphics!

Reporter: amazing! [pointing to image of a bird] what does this one mean?

Archeologist: that means "bird"

Reporter: ok... [pointing to image of a cat] and this one?

Archeologist: you're not gonna believe this,

"the president's brash and controversial wardrobe choice is sure to turn heads"

Teams meeting app: enter these letters to prove you're not a robot

The letters:

[Trump announces that ICE agents will now wear white hoods]

New York Times: the president makes a bold fashion statement

it's called a fleshlight because jack-o-lantern was taken

DMV Worker: Stop staring at your phone while I take your driver's license photo

Guy: But this is how I look when I drive

hell yeah!!

Mid-2000s but I'll allow it

Classic player for the Pittsburgh 85ers

Forgot that nobody on here knows anything about sporpsball

Y'all are whining about people being mean to algorithms when you should be debating late-90s NBA shooting guards. Bro, you're thinking about the wrong AI

100%

The alt text lmao

Right wing attempts to criticize anything perceived as "woke" always involve the most outlandish scenarios. They'll hear "believe women" and go "oh really? So if three crones dressed in Victorian garb say they have something nice to show me in their cabin in the woods, I should just believe them??"

"can you pwease stop posting extremely mild jokes about taylor swift on here? they're hurting my wittle feewings"

Adult content?

“I’m strong and I want to have like fifty kids and a farm” of course you do. You’re twelve. “I don’t want to eat vegetables I think steak and French fries is the only meal” hell yeah homie you’re twelve. “Maybe if there’s crime we should just send the army” bless your heart my twelve year old buddy

It's very funny when NPR is
interviewing an expert in something and it all feels fairly normal and evenhanded and then at the end they're like "and that was Christopher Halliburton from the Center for Exploding Venezuela"