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Uncle Kermit

@unclekermit.bsky.social

11K followers 1.1K following 6.5K posts

Buffoon, Drunk, Failure. bsky.app/profile/did:plc:sdkxyw2r7xlx5kjhsolgagv6/feed/aaam3sitppeow

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Uncle Kermit @unclekermit.bsky.social · May 14

Having legs and knowing how to use them isn't that impressive ZZ Top.

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Uncle Kermit @unclekermit.bsky.social · 7h

Any of you hate Mark Wahlberg? Like if he was drowning, you would just stand there and watch? No? You don't really hate him.

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Reposted by Uncle Kermit

undead girlfriend @hausofholes.bsky.social · 9h

cowgirl so I can recite commander erwin's suicide charge speech while I bounce on the dick

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Uncle Kermit @unclekermit.bsky.social · 9h

I hope when 3i Atlas gets here, the aliens make me fight in an arena, like in Star Trek.

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Uncle Kermit @unclekermit.bsky.social · 9h

There's a hole in my heart that can only be filled by a radical new surgical treatment. Sorry, your love is not enough.

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Boo B 👻🐝 @vtbee80.bsky.social · 14h

in an alternate universe a nine volt battery is licking me

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Uncle Kermit @unclekermit.bsky.social · 14h

One good thing about being an angry loner is I will never have to take part in an elaborate, expensive wedding.

Reposted by Uncle Kermit

Gretchen @wokkax3.bsky.social · 14h

Just moved a doctors appointment back a month to give myself more time to become healthy and/or become a more convincing liar.

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Uncle Kermit @unclekermit.bsky.social · 14h

I wish they still pulled criminals through town in a cart and you could throw rotten vegetables at them. Unless I was the criminal.

Reposted by Uncle Kermit

SpatialKimtamine @kimmalien.bsky.social · 15h

British people be like “I bot yew a fokin vape innit”

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Mr. Bea Arthur, Dead Inside™️ @steamymac.bsky.social · 17h

Just ate a piece of fruit as though staying alive is worth while.

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Uncle Kermit @unclekermit.bsky.social · 1d

Buckle up, it's the law. I'll shoot you if you don't.

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Uncle Kermit @unclekermit.bsky.social · 1d

I look almost exactly like a hairless chimpanzee wearing glasses and a wig.

Reposted by Uncle Kermit

Eric Alper @thatericalper.com · 1d

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Whack Morris @whackmorris.bsky.social · 1d

Every time I hear the phrase “Cram in in yer ass, Mack.” I think of my grandpa.

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Reposted by Uncle Kermit

Magick @magick.bsky.social · Sep 24

That song Santa Monica is about killing yourself.

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stuforreal.bsky.social @stuforreal.bsky.social · 3d

You need to look in to your heart you piece of shit

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andy vs. @im-all-id.me · 1d

Drinking Miller lite out of a wine glass who gives a shit anymore

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'dro🐰 @clowndro.bsky.social · 6d

Super cali fragiolistic plantar fasciitis

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braindro @raindro.bsky.social · Jan 1

got a boner. who’s thinking about me?

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Uncle Kermit @unclekermit.bsky.social · 1d

The lobster scream is just gasses escaping from their carapace when you boil them. The psychic scream is awful though.

Uncle Kermit @unclekermit.bsky.social · 1d

If you feel something deeply, say it so the girl can repeat it to all her friends in front of you while they all laugh and laugh and laugh.

Uncle Kermit @unclekermit.bsky.social · 1d

If you drop your glasses in a movie, someone is going to step on them.

Uncle Kermit @unclekermit.bsky.social · 2d

I wish the Star Trek fighting music would play when I was in danger.

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Uncle Kermit @unclekermit.bsky.social · 2d

I'm going to the Tijuana Roller Derby. They play topless and to the death.