I’m not allowed to buy cereal because something comes over me and I lose all ability to portion control.

Rfk jr when he wants to say something important:

[hangin with the greek gods, tryin to sound like i also have a cool name]

yeah some people call me Apostrophe

only idiots rob banks. i rob zoos. i have 47 meerkats

Me: Hey can you do your dishes
My roommate The Buddha: Perhaps your problem is not my dishes but your attachment to a clean sink
Me: Alright man

it’s always “can’t wait to put this awful year behind us” but guys the years keep getting worse

thinking of everyone heading into the holiday season with grief heavy in their hearts. i hope the joyful moments outweigh the sad ones ❤️

knocking on my neighbor’s door on thanksgiving asking if i can borrow a cup of gravy 15 times

This is what the first few weeks of spring feel like

I just realized I’ve been sitting here drinking a whole cup of hot water and never put a teabag in it

they should invent thought canceling headphones

one of the goofy things i on some level have a sick enjoyment of that normie liberals do is remix elon musks name. ‘elmo’, ‘leon’, even seen ‘nole’ once. i just don’t understand the purpose of calling him something other than elon. i love how straight up stupid it is

[noticing a group of people having a nice time at the park] enjoy your echo chamber

starter pack of academic imposters and it's just you

“bluesky is an echo chamber” the echo is sanity.

I'm enjoying watching all the people who just showed up but feel entitled to moan and whine about "skeet."

Bluesky, you know I love you - but as much as I like art, for the love of god STOP showing me art omg