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Lock Wilford

@lockwilford.com

6.9K followers 2.6K following 8K posts

If you are looking for the other Lock Wilford you didn't find him. My top skeets: https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:6sn5ipsdnbalrtkjgpjkr3u7/feed/aaafm23lyrjky My art: lockwilford.com

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Lock Wilford @lockwilford.com · May 30

[Sex Shop]

Me: *holding 37 dildos*

Shopkeeper: may I help you?

Me: where are the fitting rooms?

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Lock Wilford @lockwilford.com · 22d

You think you are going to ruin my life, just wait until you see what I've done to it

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Lock Wilford @lockwilford.com · Jun 13

The real tragedy is that no one even talks about how we fished mermaids into extinction

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Lock Wilford @lockwilford.com · Jun 17

The Pina Colada song is a great story of two terrible people realizing they are soulmates

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Lock Wilford @lockwilford.com · Dec 16

Me: Are you sure this will make me feel better?

Therapist: *beeps*

Me: *retrieves Hot Pocket* If you say so

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Lock Wilford @lockwilford.com · Jul 1

Sorry I unfollowed you I didn't like you

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Lock Wilford @lockwilford.com · Feb 7

My favorite part of the apocalypse has been the constant fatigue

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Lock Wilford @lockwilford.com · 1d

Anyone else feel like a witch each night before bed as you gather all the pills and salves for another night of ritual

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Lock Wilford @lockwilford.com · 1d

we settled on this shit app after the last shit app, I'll be damned if I move to another shit app

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Lock Wilford @lockwilford.com · 1d

Quite a stalemate we have going on here, one side wants to provide health care the other side wants everyone that doesn't look like them dead

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Lock Wilford @lockwilford.com · 2d

Who is your least favorite Ninja Turtle and why is it Donatello?

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Lock Wilford @lockwilford.com · 3d

Mike Johnson: *watching imagery of starvation, death, and all other atrocities*, *cums*

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Lock Wilford @lockwilford.com · 8d

[Sistine Chapel]

Michaelangelo: Well, what do you think?

Pope Julius: Beautiful, but you forgot the alt text!

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Lock Wilford @lockwilford.com · 1d

Any morning Nobel snubs him is a great morning

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Lock Wilford @lockwilford.com · 1d

Good Morning! A bit of a drizzle happening

Lock Wilford @lockwilford.com · 1d

Dictators love each other

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Jon Baker @thejonbaker.bsky.social · 1d

“Jon why are you skeeting so politically lately”

Because I’m feeling ornery and my government is well deserving of ridicule at the moment

Simple as

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Lock Wilford @lockwilford.com · 1d

So our foreskins are intelligent?!

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gluggaveður 🕊️ @lscrapl.bsky.social · 1d

ai slop logging in

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BEAVE @beaveinflow.bsky.social · 1d

My most hilarious posts get the fewest likes, it’s science.

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batkaren @batkaren.bsky.social · 1d

The E in Chuck E. Cheese stands for Eldritch

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🫧 Spark Elation 🫧 @tyranny.sparklenoise.com · 1d

I can’t wait until there are so few people on this webpage that I’m once again seen as one of the funny accounts

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Paused Mortem 💀 @pausedmortem.bsky.social · 1d

I've burned a lot of bridges for someone who's a non-swimmer. I don't care.

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Lock Wilford @lockwilford.com · 1d

You have some shit on your nose

Lock Wilford @lockwilford.com · 1d

The way I see it, you're welcome

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Not JPo @notjpo.bsky.social · 1d

I see you reposted me. Is it because your wife is out of town?

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