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Eternal Samnation

@portmanteauface.bsky.social

9.2K followers 780 following 1.2K posts

Mostly I write things down, but sometimes I wrong things up. I’m working on it. Clickbait ➡️ https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:57tds76f6hmild5kw32pppdd/feed/aaacbm5qg2h7a

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Eternal Samnation @portmanteauface.bsky.social · Aug 1

[jurassic park]

ALAN GRANT: the t-rex can’t see you if you don’t move

ME: *In The Air Tonight on my headphones gets to the drum solo part* fuck fuck fuck

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Uncle Duke @uncleduke1969.bsky.social · 9h

Inside the house, the potential serial killer, box open on the table, tries to distract himself from the voices incessantly clamoring in his head. He knows that he’s just one last tiny push away from madness.

Outside in the driveway, a cat stares at his stolen treasure, laughing quietly to himself.

A single puzzle piece sits on the ground.

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Eternal Samnation @portmanteauface.bsky.social · 9h

Ooh

Eternal Samnation @portmanteauface.bsky.social · 11h

Hear me out: an Addams Family remake with Laura Benanti as Morticia and Pedro Pascal as Gomez. Brad Garrett plays Lurch. Jonathan Banks as Uncle Fester

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Ennui Doofen @ennuidoofen.bsky.social · 12h

One great thing about having a chest wound is you can walk around with a real "what are ya gonna do to me, stab me in the chest?" attitude. I'm just here to remind you that one can have two chest wounds, so you may wanna say,"What are you gonna do to me, stab me in the chest TWICE?"

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Sunshine Jarboly @sunshinejarboly.bsky.social · 4d

my 9 year old daughter & i were watching 4 hummingbirds fighting over the feeder outside when she turned to me & said, “their names are jerry, elaine, george & kramer because they clearly don’t care about anyone but themselves,” & that was when a single tear rolled down my cheek.

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Sunshine Jarboly @sunshinejarboly.bsky.social · 1d

one of the negative side effects from the covid lockdown that’s rarely talked about is how social media ushered in the ‘really-good-looking-influencer-couple-pranking-each-other-in-their-lifeless-mansions-where-every-light-in-the-house-is-on’ genre of entertainment.

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Sunshine Jarboly @sunshinejarboly.bsky.social · 17h

checking my pants before putting them in the washer, my wife finds a piece of paper in one of the pockets & when she unfolds it she discovers a hyper-realistic drawing of bigfoot, who appears to have mange, with the words ‘we must find him!’ urgently written across the top.

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Uncle Duke @uncleduke1969.bsky.social · 17h

“The cat is such a perfect symbol of beauty and superiority that it seems scarcely possible for any true aesthete and civilised cynic to do other than worship it.”

- H.P. Lovecraft

A hand holding a dripping wet, bulging-eyed, flat-faced cat looking sadly at the camera.

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Uncle Duke @uncleduke1969.bsky.social · 21h

[best read with a French accent]

“I am so very sorry sir, without a reservation, there is simply nothing I can do for you.”

2 photos of a fluffy black-and-white cat with a pencil-thin mustache. They appear to he looking up and speaking in the first, scowling in the second.

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Uncle Duke @uncleduke1969.bsky.social · 1d

This is absolutely the last time I call an escort service and say “I’m not picky.”

Photo taken through a doorway into a room with two beds, one of which is occupied by a standing sheep.

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Uncle Duke @uncleduke1969.bsky.social · 1d

i’m sure it’s fine

Two strips of wide clear plastic tape hold down the internal surround of an airplane window.

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Uncle Duke @uncleduke1969.bsky.social · 1d

Paw Blart

A cat in a "SECURITY" coat sits on a polished tile floor.

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Uncle Duke @uncleduke1969.bsky.social · 1d

some say it’s art, some say it’s not

Golden lamp in the shape of a nose with a bulb hanging from the right nostril.

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Uncle Duke @uncleduke1969.bsky.social · 2d

when you totally misread the vibe

A cow leans over a fence and licks the face of a very surprised-looking woman.

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Uncle Duke @uncleduke1969.bsky.social · 2d

i don’t have the heart to tell him

A package of teal and brown cookies labeled "Black and White Cookies."

A white dog in a chef's hat in front of a rolling pin.

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Eternal Samnation @portmanteauface.bsky.social · 2d

I can almost deal with the length, but the width is less than the span between my elbows. It’s either a really long bed for a short person or a really narrow bed for a tall person. I’m pretty sure they were intended to line coffins

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Uncle Duke @uncleduke1969.bsky.social · 2d

salt-n-pepa: *nod approvingly*

Several signs on a door instructing to "Push to lock" without turning the lock.

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Eternal Samnation @portmanteauface.bsky.social · 3d

Tried out a twin bed for the first time in 25 years and my first thought was “I have the right to an attorney”

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Uncle Duke @uncleduke1969.bsky.social · 3d

“Supercuts?”
“How’d ya know?”

A person sits on a fence holding a container of food, looking back at a dark-colored alpaca. They and the alpaca sport similar haircuts.

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Uncle Duke @uncleduke1969.bsky.social · 3d

“That there’s a damn shame, Bill. Yeah, no, sorry, I didn’t see anything. I was visiting my sister’s tree over on Morgan. I’ll ask around and let you know if I hear something, though. Geez, what a world, am I right? Anyway, your homeowners policy should cover it, no?”