Sunshine Jarboly
@sunshinejarboly.bsky.social
puppy petter. eagle trainer. drinker of milk. taker of naps. Writer. my books are available at https://linktr.ee/sunshinejarboly
my tweets
https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:dyksjqh6i65siw2h6j7xhbtu/feed/aaajao4trlgl6
my tweets
https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:dyksjqh6i65siw2h6j7xhbtu/feed/aaajao4trlgl6
*i make my family sit in silence as stairway to heaven plays & i only start carving the turkey when the guitar solo begins*
November 27, 2025 at 10:20 PM
*i make my family sit in silence as stairway to heaven plays & i only start carving the turkey when the guitar solo begins*
i loudly sing an acapella version of sunday, bloody sunday as my grandma screams that thanksgiving is officially over. the turkey hasn’t even been touched.
November 27, 2025 at 9:24 PM
i loudly sing an acapella version of sunday, bloody sunday as my grandma screams that thanksgiving is officially over. the turkey hasn’t even been touched.
me: do clams go to heaven when they die?
my priest: all god’s creatures are special.
me: do oysters go to heaven when they die?
my priest: well, shellfish don’t really have a soul.
me: do clams go to heaven when they die?
my priest: okay, this confession is over.
my priest: all god’s creatures are special.
me: do oysters go to heaven when they die?
my priest: well, shellfish don’t really have a soul.
me: do clams go to heaven when they die?
my priest: okay, this confession is over.
November 27, 2025 at 4:33 PM
me: do clams go to heaven when they die?
my priest: all god’s creatures are special.
me: do oysters go to heaven when they die?
my priest: well, shellfish don’t really have a soul.
me: do clams go to heaven when they die?
my priest: okay, this confession is over.
my priest: all god’s creatures are special.
me: do oysters go to heaven when they die?
my priest: well, shellfish don’t really have a soul.
me: do clams go to heaven when they die?
my priest: okay, this confession is over.
Reposted by Sunshine Jarboly
*builds time machine*
*travels back to first Thanksgiving*
*slaps cranberries out of pilgrim's hand*
You're not making this a thing
*travels back to first Thanksgiving*
*slaps cranberries out of pilgrim's hand*
You're not making this a thing
November 24, 2024 at 2:27 AM
*builds time machine*
*travels back to first Thanksgiving*
*slaps cranberries out of pilgrim's hand*
You're not making this a thing
*travels back to first Thanksgiving*
*slaps cranberries out of pilgrim's hand*
You're not making this a thing
Reposted by Sunshine Jarboly
A turkey won’t fit inside my hollow tree, but everyone’s looking forward to a tasty helping of roasted acorns
November 26, 2025 at 5:13 PM
A turkey won’t fit inside my hollow tree, but everyone’s looking forward to a tasty helping of roasted acorns
old timey guy: we didn’t have video games when i was a kid. if we wanted to play cops & robbers we had to go outside…{making severe eye contact}…& murder each other in the rain.
November 26, 2025 at 5:12 PM
old timey guy: we didn’t have video games when i was a kid. if we wanted to play cops & robbers we had to go outside…{making severe eye contact}…& murder each other in the rain.
Reposted by Sunshine Jarboly
I used to be young. Now I feel a little badass when I close the oven door with my foot
November 25, 2025 at 1:43 PM
I used to be young. Now I feel a little badass when I close the oven door with my foot
one time i spent 12 weeks gaining the trust of a squirrel & when i was finally able to get close enough to its ear i whispered, “i don’t even know how your kind got on that ark.”
November 26, 2025 at 3:07 PM
one time i spent 12 weeks gaining the trust of a squirrel & when i was finally able to get close enough to its ear i whispered, “i don’t even know how your kind got on that ark.”
Reposted by Sunshine Jarboly
PERSON GASPING FOR AIR: *pushes epi pen into my hand*
ME: I said no autographs
ME: I said no autographs
November 19, 2025 at 5:12 PM
PERSON GASPING FOR AIR: *pushes epi pen into my hand*
ME: I said no autographs
ME: I said no autographs
Reposted by Sunshine Jarboly
*mechanic wipes his hands on a rag*
Well, there’s your trouble
*points to a lifetime of crippling depression and anxiety*
Well, there’s your trouble
*points to a lifetime of crippling depression and anxiety*
November 22, 2025 at 4:01 PM
*mechanic wipes his hands on a rag*
Well, there’s your trouble
*points to a lifetime of crippling depression and anxiety*
Well, there’s your trouble
*points to a lifetime of crippling depression and anxiety*
*banksy spray paints a green dollar sign on a cow & then looks it dead in the eye*
fee fi fo fum heer ya gow ya big dogggy wocka wocka.
fee fi fo fum heer ya gow ya big dogggy wocka wocka.
November 23, 2025 at 4:47 PM
*banksy spray paints a green dollar sign on a cow & then looks it dead in the eye*
fee fi fo fum heer ya gow ya big dogggy wocka wocka.
fee fi fo fum heer ya gow ya big dogggy wocka wocka.
Reposted by Sunshine Jarboly
"Lunchables" is a good name because it doesn't make any grandiose claims: "This is able to be eaten as lunch."
November 22, 2025 at 5:02 PM
"Lunchables" is a good name because it doesn't make any grandiose claims: "This is able to be eaten as lunch."
Reposted by Sunshine Jarboly
not trying to be controversial here on the web site but in my opinion it is saturday
November 22, 2025 at 8:03 PM
not trying to be controversial here on the web site but in my opinion it is saturday
*calling the butterball helpline*
how can i get a bunch of arrows out of my car tires?
how can i get a bunch of arrows out of my car tires?
November 22, 2025 at 7:13 PM
*calling the butterball helpline*
how can i get a bunch of arrows out of my car tires?
how can i get a bunch of arrows out of my car tires?
me: the one thing we do know is that podcasters have spread paul rudd so thin we can hardly even see him anymore.
the priest serving me communion: is there another religion you can join?
the priest serving me communion: is there another religion you can join?
November 21, 2025 at 2:53 PM
me: the one thing we do know is that podcasters have spread paul rudd so thin we can hardly even see him anymore.
the priest serving me communion: is there another religion you can join?
the priest serving me communion: is there another religion you can join?
yesterday, my daughter was building a castle with her legos when she suddenly screamed, “dada, my castle broke!” & as she was crying for me to help her rebuild the castle i calmly turned to her & said, “hey, it’s chinatown, babe,” & somehow that resolved the whole situation.
November 20, 2025 at 4:42 PM
yesterday, my daughter was building a castle with her legos when she suddenly screamed, “dada, my castle broke!” & as she was crying for me to help her rebuild the castle i calmly turned to her & said, “hey, it’s chinatown, babe,” & somehow that resolved the whole situation.
Reposted by Sunshine Jarboly
horses are just sexy donkeys
DO NOT REPEAT THIS INSIGHT
DO NOT REPEAT THIS INSIGHT
November 12, 2025 at 4:38 PM
horses are just sexy donkeys
DO NOT REPEAT THIS INSIGHT
DO NOT REPEAT THIS INSIGHT
Reposted by Sunshine Jarboly
I’ve been exploring 80s music with my kids and when we got to the Georgia Satellites my 9yo punched a wall
November 19, 2025 at 8:51 PM
I’ve been exploring 80s music with my kids and when we got to the Georgia Satellites my 9yo punched a wall
Reposted by Sunshine Jarboly
I have to go to the airport.
November 19, 2025 at 2:08 AM
I have to go to the airport.
Reposted by Sunshine Jarboly
Getting a new tattoo that is nothing more than a description of the materiality of the tattoo itself: date, time, duration of the tattoo process, ink color, size & location of the tattoo on my person, typeface used, name of the artist, grid coordinates of the tattoo shop, all the cool stuff
November 20, 2025 at 5:38 AM
Getting a new tattoo that is nothing more than a description of the materiality of the tattoo itself: date, time, duration of the tattoo process, ink color, size & location of the tattoo on my person, typeface used, name of the artist, grid coordinates of the tattoo shop, all the cool stuff
*i stand up to give a toast*
haha, thanksgiving dinner, amirite? it takes all day to cook, & five minutes…{i get deadly serious}…for the whole house to smell like ennui.
haha, thanksgiving dinner, amirite? it takes all day to cook, & five minutes…{i get deadly serious}…for the whole house to smell like ennui.
November 20, 2025 at 2:58 PM
*i stand up to give a toast*
haha, thanksgiving dinner, amirite? it takes all day to cook, & five minutes…{i get deadly serious}…for the whole house to smell like ennui.
haha, thanksgiving dinner, amirite? it takes all day to cook, & five minutes…{i get deadly serious}…for the whole house to smell like ennui.
Reposted by Sunshine Jarboly
I'm at my most North American when I make tater tot casserole for dinner
November 17, 2025 at 4:15 AM
I'm at my most North American when I make tater tot casserole for dinner
Reposted by Sunshine Jarboly
Woke up 2 hours before my alarm and couldn't get back to sleep so I get it serial killers
November 19, 2025 at 11:04 AM
Woke up 2 hours before my alarm and couldn't get back to sleep so I get it serial killers
Reposted by Sunshine Jarboly
The airline pilot at the next urinal didn't wash his hands after and now my life is in his filthy mitts
November 16, 2025 at 1:59 AM
The airline pilot at the next urinal didn't wash his hands after and now my life is in his filthy mitts
Reposted by Sunshine Jarboly
i dont need to hear anyone's life story, i just wanna scritch your pupper's ears
November 20, 2025 at 3:23 AM
i dont need to hear anyone's life story, i just wanna scritch your pupper's ears