Dominic Caruso
@dominiccaruso1.bsky.social
I was a snowball in hell.
[he/his]
[he/his]
Pinned
We should flip a pancake directly into space
Reposted by Dominic Caruso
my family makes me eat thanksgiving dinner alone in the bathroom
November 26, 2025 at 9:18 PM
my family makes me eat thanksgiving dinner alone in the bathroom
Reposted by Dominic Caruso
We're allowed one political statement each this Thanksgiving. I'm going to say "Country Crock? yeah this country is a crock"
November 26, 2025 at 9:45 PM
We're allowed one political statement each this Thanksgiving. I'm going to say "Country Crock? yeah this country is a crock"
Reposted by Dominic Caruso
I contain multitudes
Oh
Oh shit
My multitudes containment system is failing, everyone retreat to a safe distance
Oh
Oh shit
My multitudes containment system is failing, everyone retreat to a safe distance
November 26, 2025 at 10:08 PM
I contain multitudes
Oh
Oh shit
My multitudes containment system is failing, everyone retreat to a safe distance
Oh
Oh shit
My multitudes containment system is failing, everyone retreat to a safe distance
Wind blew my face clean off & onto the head of the guy standing next to me. I had to run after him to get it back—he was going to sell it for scrap.
November 26, 2025 at 8:25 PM
Wind blew my face clean off & onto the head of the guy standing next to me. I had to run after him to get it back—he was going to sell it for scrap.
Reposted by Dominic Caruso
filling my water bottle from the fish tank before leaving the restaurant
November 26, 2025 at 5:05 AM
filling my water bottle from the fish tank before leaving the restaurant
Reposted by Dominic Caruso
[flour marketing meeting] let’s put it all over the outside of the package
November 26, 2025 at 5:37 AM
[flour marketing meeting] let’s put it all over the outside of the package
I want to mention the plot holes in my earlier post: Dr. Smiley, 1st introduced in Act 1, shows up in Act 3 with an entirely different backstory. Also, the penguin featured in the denouement could not have been driving the bus while it was also in the confessional with Fr. Theo across town. Sorry!
November 26, 2025 at 5:21 AM
I want to mention the plot holes in my earlier post: Dr. Smiley, 1st introduced in Act 1, shows up in Act 3 with an entirely different backstory. Also, the penguin featured in the denouement could not have been driving the bus while it was also in the confessional with Fr. Theo across town. Sorry!
Reposted by Dominic Caruso
hittin my family with some new laughs this season. going to try out a single, loud “ha!” to start
November 25, 2025 at 11:40 PM
hittin my family with some new laughs this season. going to try out a single, loud “ha!” to start
Reposted by Dominic Caruso
Websites shouldn't know when I'm about to leave.
November 25, 2025 at 11:54 PM
Websites shouldn't know when I'm about to leave.
Send me a verification code, won’t you? I promise I won’t share it with anyone—it will be our little secret.
November 26, 2025 at 1:30 AM
Send me a verification code, won’t you? I promise I won’t share it with anyone—it will be our little secret.
Reposted by Dominic Caruso
I think humanity is finally ready for dessert soups
November 25, 2025 at 3:09 PM
I think humanity is finally ready for dessert soups
Reposted by Dominic Caruso
Our surroundings have always listened in on us, their capitalism is the environment of a perfect moment. "Your surroundings have their hands up, you are too paranoid for the presence of psychic shopping"
November 25, 2025 at 5:12 PM
Our surroundings have always listened in on us, their capitalism is the environment of a perfect moment. "Your surroundings have their hands up, you are too paranoid for the presence of psychic shopping"
Reposted by Dominic Caruso
An apple a day keeps the doctor away. They can also repel pharmacists if you throw them hard enough. But you're going to need a pineapple or a durian if you want to take down a dentist.
November 25, 2025 at 12:08 PM
An apple a day keeps the doctor away. They can also repel pharmacists if you throw them hard enough. But you're going to need a pineapple or a durian if you want to take down a dentist.
Reposted by Dominic Caruso
They should invent a slice of pizza that you have to peel
November 25, 2025 at 5:23 PM
They should invent a slice of pizza that you have to peel
Reposted by Dominic Caruso
If I was a glove, I would help hamburger
November 25, 2025 at 8:08 PM
If I was a glove, I would help hamburger
Reposted by Dominic Caruso
the food you like? it's bad. the food *i* like? good. checkmate, losers
November 25, 2025 at 8:21 PM
the food you like? it's bad. the food *i* like? good. checkmate, losers
Reposted by Dominic Caruso
on your first day in prison, go up to the biggest inmate in there and ask them for the syllabus- it's actually more helpful than you think
November 25, 2025 at 9:06 PM
on your first day in prison, go up to the biggest inmate in there and ask them for the syllabus- it's actually more helpful than you think
Inventing some new extremely niche-flavored potato chips that taste like flying saucer reflected moon rays & that are also invisible.
November 25, 2025 at 5:35 AM
Inventing some new extremely niche-flavored potato chips that taste like flying saucer reflected moon rays & that are also invisible.
Reposted by Dominic Caruso
Thinking about starting one of those accounts that posts photos of their pets with captions written from the pet's point of view. My gimmick would be that my pet is a japanese spider crab and the only thing it ever says is "I'm going to get you"
November 24, 2025 at 6:30 PM
Thinking about starting one of those accounts that posts photos of their pets with captions written from the pet's point of view. My gimmick would be that my pet is a japanese spider crab and the only thing it ever says is "I'm going to get you"
Reposted by Dominic Caruso
POSSIBLE NEW IDIOMS:
Baby’s gone absolute brush bristles
Soup’s too thick
Rhinestone choker & gun in the garter
Kkssh! Check your upstairs window.
& THAT’S a Uruguayan mouthful
Picnicking the analysis
Shaking a pie tin while saying you’re Stevie Nicks
Loper, loper, time to get a corset
Baby’s gone absolute brush bristles
Soup’s too thick
Rhinestone choker & gun in the garter
Kkssh! Check your upstairs window.
& THAT’S a Uruguayan mouthful
Picnicking the analysis
Shaking a pie tin while saying you’re Stevie Nicks
Loper, loper, time to get a corset
November 22, 2025 at 7:12 PM
POSSIBLE NEW IDIOMS:
Baby’s gone absolute brush bristles
Soup’s too thick
Rhinestone choker & gun in the garter
Kkssh! Check your upstairs window.
& THAT’S a Uruguayan mouthful
Picnicking the analysis
Shaking a pie tin while saying you’re Stevie Nicks
Loper, loper, time to get a corset
Baby’s gone absolute brush bristles
Soup’s too thick
Rhinestone choker & gun in the garter
Kkssh! Check your upstairs window.
& THAT’S a Uruguayan mouthful
Picnicking the analysis
Shaking a pie tin while saying you’re Stevie Nicks
Loper, loper, time to get a corset
Reposted by Dominic Caruso
Wrote in my Gratitude Journal this morning, like I do every day, that I’m particularly thankful for my Spite Journal, which now comprises several handsome volumes.
November 25, 2024 at 1:03 PM
Wrote in my Gratitude Journal this morning, like I do every day, that I’m particularly thankful for my Spite Journal, which now comprises several handsome volumes.
Reposted by Dominic Caruso
Restaurant tables should have wheels and motors and you should be able to race them around the restaurant crashing into each other like bumper cars. We should do this to make life more chaotic and difficult in general
November 24, 2025 at 2:18 PM
Restaurant tables should have wheels and motors and you should be able to race them around the restaurant crashing into each other like bumper cars. We should do this to make life more chaotic and difficult in general
Reposted by Dominic Caruso
I'm tired of being the bigger person. Just once, I want to be the smaller person, tiny enough to be carried around in someone's pocket, shouting petty retorts.
November 7, 2025 at 5:21 PM
I'm tired of being the bigger person. Just once, I want to be the smaller person, tiny enough to be carried around in someone's pocket, shouting petty retorts.
Reposted by Dominic Caruso
*sits backwards in a chair like a cool kid*
EXECUTIONER: wrong way.
EXECUTIONER: wrong way.
November 24, 2025 at 12:44 PM
*sits backwards in a chair like a cool kid*
EXECUTIONER: wrong way.
EXECUTIONER: wrong way.
Reposted by Dominic Caruso
There will always be a special place in my heart for my atrioventricular septum.
November 23, 2025 at 11:17 PM
There will always be a special place in my heart for my atrioventricular septum.