Pinned
Autotuned
@autotuned.bsky.social
· Nov 23
Just got your text.
Are we still on for last night?
Are we still on for last night?
I can’t believe you’re not butter!
November 23, 2025 at 1:13 AM
I can’t believe you’re not butter!
Don’t look now but Monday is already staring at you.
Happy Saturday!
Happy Saturday!
November 22, 2025 at 5:24 PM
Don’t look now but Monday is already staring at you.
Happy Saturday!
Happy Saturday!
Are you a bad idea? Because I’m suddenly way too interested
November 22, 2025 at 1:59 PM
Are you a bad idea? Because I’m suddenly way too interested
Reposted by Autotuned
I know origami, and I’m not afraid to fold you into a swan.
November 18, 2025 at 9:05 PM
I know origami, and I’m not afraid to fold you into a swan.
Reposted by Autotuned
My favorite metaphor for genitalia is “the good china”.
November 20, 2025 at 3:17 AM
My favorite metaphor for genitalia is “the good china”.
Pretty sure the entire world suffers from a internal server error
November 18, 2025 at 3:35 PM
Pretty sure the entire world suffers from a internal server error
It’s Monday.
It’s cold.
You bring the alcohol.
I’ll bring the bad decisions.
It’s cold.
You bring the alcohol.
I’ll bring the bad decisions.
November 17, 2025 at 8:45 PM
It’s Monday.
It’s cold.
You bring the alcohol.
I’ll bring the bad decisions.
It’s cold.
You bring the alcohol.
I’ll bring the bad decisions.
Reposted by Autotuned
I’ve never thrown my head back while taking a couple of pills. Everything in film is a lie.
November 17, 2025 at 11:10 AM
I’ve never thrown my head back while taking a couple of pills. Everything in film is a lie.
Reposted by Autotuned
“fuck it like it owes you money”
Monday
Monday
November 17, 2025 at 2:32 PM
“fuck it like it owes you money”
Monday
Monday
Reposted by Autotuned
I want to get hospitalized for exhaustion like a celebrity.
November 17, 2025 at 1:19 PM
I want to get hospitalized for exhaustion like a celebrity.
Reposted by Autotuned
be a dear and bring me my favorite crazy straw and a bottle of bourbon, won't you?
November 14, 2025 at 1:31 AM
be a dear and bring me my favorite crazy straw and a bottle of bourbon, won't you?
I love sour cream, but not a, *eats spoonfuls of sour cream straight out of the container* kind of love
November 15, 2025 at 2:23 PM
I love sour cream, but not a, *eats spoonfuls of sour cream straight out of the container* kind of love
Reposted by Autotuned
Spaghetti is a word that I love
March 7, 2025 at 12:45 PM
Spaghetti is a word that I love
The only marathon I run is 3 seasons of a show in 1 weekend
November 11, 2025 at 4:03 PM
The only marathon I run is 3 seasons of a show in 1 weekend
I don’t argue. I just explain louder.
November 8, 2025 at 2:03 PM
I don’t argue. I just explain louder.
Reposted by Autotuned
I’ll pay you in Kohls Cash final offer
- Contract negotiations
- Contract negotiations
November 7, 2025 at 4:41 PM
I’ll pay you in Kohls Cash final offer
- Contract negotiations
- Contract negotiations
You do realize that just because you talk on your Apple Watch, that does not make you a Power Ranger, right?
November 7, 2025 at 8:46 PM
You do realize that just because you talk on your Apple Watch, that does not make you a Power Ranger, right?
Reposted by Autotuned
Nothing good ever happens when I'm vertical.
November 7, 2025 at 11:36 AM
Nothing good ever happens when I'm vertical.
Reposted by Autotuned
Russian agent: With which bird-watching group are you affiliated?
007: Bon. Audubon.
007: Bon. Audubon.
October 28, 2025 at 7:43 PM
Russian agent: With which bird-watching group are you affiliated?
007: Bon. Audubon.
007: Bon. Audubon.
Reposted by Autotuned
"Any last words?"
"SHORT-LIVED RHYMES WITH ARRIVED. AND THERE ARE TWO SYLLABLES IN ALLEGED."
"SHORT-LIVED RHYMES WITH ARRIVED. AND THERE ARE TWO SYLLABLES IN ALLEGED."
November 3, 2025 at 12:26 AM
"Any last words?"
"SHORT-LIVED RHYMES WITH ARRIVED. AND THERE ARE TWO SYLLABLES IN ALLEGED."
"SHORT-LIVED RHYMES WITH ARRIVED. AND THERE ARE TWO SYLLABLES IN ALLEGED."
Reposted by Autotuned
Give it to me, baby
[me when I take candy from a baby]
[me when I take candy from a baby]
November 6, 2025 at 8:09 PM
Give it to me, baby
[me when I take candy from a baby]
[me when I take candy from a baby]
Reposted by Autotuned
You had me at “I like a girl with personality” because I have a few.
November 7, 2025 at 1:41 AM
You had me at “I like a girl with personality” because I have a few.
Reposted by Autotuned
A smutty bookstore called Happy Endings.
May 17, 2025 at 4:08 PM
A smutty bookstore called Happy Endings.
Reposted by Autotuned
Exercising out of spite is still exercise.
January 21, 2025 at 10:11 PM
Exercising out of spite is still exercise.