Alabaster Chortle
@beastbannon.bsky.social
I do podcasts and stuff. Co-host of The Jaymeson Tapes and UCA.
Everyone go listen to Candy Licker.
Get your podcast nickel ready, we just placed a new episode in it's glass viewing case! @beastbannon.bsky.social joins us once again, just in time for the end of the Laff-A-Lympics! Listen in as we talk about the worst thing Scooby and Shaggy have ever done, amongst other things.
October 16, 2025 at 9:31 PM
Everyone go listen to Candy Licker.
Good news about Ghost of Yotei.
I was worried what with wolves being your characters thing in this game that we’d miss out on the side missions where you give foxes headpats.
The fox headpats are STILL IN TEN OUT OF TEN BEST SEQUEL.
I was worried what with wolves being your characters thing in this game that we’d miss out on the side missions where you give foxes headpats.
The fox headpats are STILL IN TEN OUT OF TEN BEST SEQUEL.
October 2, 2025 at 10:03 PM
Good news about Ghost of Yotei.
I was worried what with wolves being your characters thing in this game that we’d miss out on the side missions where you give foxes headpats.
The fox headpats are STILL IN TEN OUT OF TEN BEST SEQUEL.
I was worried what with wolves being your characters thing in this game that we’d miss out on the side missions where you give foxes headpats.
The fox headpats are STILL IN TEN OUT OF TEN BEST SEQUEL.
At the very least I appreciate when this year takes a quick break from being terrible to do something very very silly.
September 26, 2025 at 1:55 AM
At the very least I appreciate when this year takes a quick break from being terrible to do something very very silly.
Reposted by Alabaster Chortle
“You used to be able to say anything” comedians never been more quiet in their lives
September 18, 2025 at 2:14 AM
“You used to be able to say anything” comedians never been more quiet in their lives
There have been no game-breaking glitches.
Only hilarious ones.
GOD SENT ME MY CAR
Only hilarious ones.
GOD SENT ME MY CAR
September 15, 2025 at 8:31 PM
There have been no game-breaking glitches.
Only hilarious ones.
GOD SENT ME MY CAR
Only hilarious ones.
GOD SENT ME MY CAR
Okay I got it to happen again.
September 14, 2025 at 4:37 AM
Okay I got it to happen again.
Anyway, now for my Ted Talk about how Goro Takemura should be my boyfriend.
September 13, 2025 at 12:53 AM
Anyway, now for my Ted Talk about how Goro Takemura should be my boyfriend.
Also I did a finisher with the gorilla arms where I uppercut a guys head off and I don’t know if the guy being frozen like this is a glitch because I can’t make it happen again but if it’s on purpose it’s actually kind of awesome.
September 13, 2025 at 12:47 AM
Also I did a finisher with the gorilla arms where I uppercut a guys head off and I don’t know if the guy being frozen like this is a glitch because I can’t make it happen again but if it’s on purpose it’s actually kind of awesome.
Been playing Cyberpunk and got to the mission where it said ‘Hey, heres a bunch of stuff from the show’ so I figured I should probably watch the show.
Cyberpunk Edgerunners is a 10/10 show and also I was unprepared for how relentlessly sad it was. Like from beginning to end.
Cyberpunk Edgerunners is a 10/10 show and also I was unprepared for how relentlessly sad it was. Like from beginning to end.
September 12, 2025 at 8:40 PM
Been playing Cyberpunk and got to the mission where it said ‘Hey, heres a bunch of stuff from the show’ so I figured I should probably watch the show.
Cyberpunk Edgerunners is a 10/10 show and also I was unprepared for how relentlessly sad it was. Like from beginning to end.
Cyberpunk Edgerunners is a 10/10 show and also I was unprepared for how relentlessly sad it was. Like from beginning to end.
“I’ve 100% never read the book or even a brief summary of the book or even spoken to someone who has read the book.”
-Someone presumably paid actual money to review movies
-Someone presumably paid actual money to review movies
September 3, 2025 at 2:03 PM
“I’ve 100% never read the book or even a brief summary of the book or even spoken to someone who has read the book.”
-Someone presumably paid actual money to review movies
-Someone presumably paid actual money to review movies
Reposted by Alabaster Chortle
FACT™️: when the beach boys sang "round round get a round i get a round" it turns out they just forgot the word for pizza
August 5, 2025 at 1:30 AM
FACT™️: when the beach boys sang "round round get a round i get a round" it turns out they just forgot the word for pizza
I can see this gif getting a lot of use today.
a man in a suit is making a funny face and saying oh no !
ALT: a man in a suit is making a funny face and saying oh no !
media.tenor.com
July 24, 2025 at 7:36 PM
I can see this gif getting a lot of use today.
Playing through the Alan Wake games and rewatching Twin Peaks and just in general drinking black coffee and talking to myself.
July 22, 2025 at 12:19 AM
Playing through the Alan Wake games and rewatching Twin Peaks and just in general drinking black coffee and talking to myself.
I’m the kinda person that doesn’t believe in ghosts but would also absolutely never in a million years go on a traveling tour with the notoriously haunted doll that kills people.
July 18, 2025 at 12:41 AM
I’m the kinda person that doesn’t believe in ghosts but would also absolutely never in a million years go on a traveling tour with the notoriously haunted doll that kills people.
I have no acceptable excuse for why my #2 most listened to song on Apple Music is a Turquoise Jeep song.
It is a banger though.
It is a banger though.
July 5, 2025 at 3:38 AM
I have no acceptable excuse for why my #2 most listened to song on Apple Music is a Turquoise Jeep song.
It is a banger though.
It is a banger though.
Reposted by Alabaster Chortle
But Black Dynamite, I sell drugs to the community
July 2, 2025 at 10:58 PM
But Black Dynamite, I sell drugs to the community
Reposted by Alabaster Chortle
nevertheless Lucas insisted "jizz" wasn't meant to scan dirty, but simply as a SciFi-ification of "jazz." "In my mind," he often said, "the Cantina Band have that same kind of malleable tempo, you know: sloppy seconds."
June 22, 2025 at 2:30 AM
nevertheless Lucas insisted "jizz" wasn't meant to scan dirty, but simply as a SciFi-ification of "jazz." "In my mind," he often said, "the Cantina Band have that same kind of malleable tempo, you know: sloppy seconds."
There is a higher-than-zero percent chance that the new Pope has tasted Malort.
May 9, 2025 at 2:51 AM
There is a higher-than-zero percent chance that the new Pope has tasted Malort.
Reposted by Alabaster Chortle
If there’s one thing I know about Peter Pan, that son of a bitch LOVES standing with his fists on his hips
May 3, 2025 at 11:08 PM
If there’s one thing I know about Peter Pan, that son of a bitch LOVES standing with his fists on his hips
If you replaced Luke Skywalker and Han Solo with Kyle Katarn and Dash Rendar, The original Trilogy would’ve been 45 minutes long, tops.
April 19, 2025 at 2:18 AM
If you replaced Luke Skywalker and Han Solo with Kyle Katarn and Dash Rendar, The original Trilogy would’ve been 45 minutes long, tops.
HELL 👏🏻 YES 👏🏻 A 👏🏻 R 👏🏻 G 👏🏻 WEB 👏🏻 SITE 👏🏻 FOR 👏🏻 A 👏🏻 FILM 👏🏻 I 👏🏻 WAS 👏🏻 AL 👏🏻 REA 👏🏻 DY 👏🏻 PUMPED 👏🏻 FOR 👏🏻
Warner Bros has set up an in-universe website about the events of Zach Cregger’s new horror film ‘WEAPONS’
The website also teases a connection to Cregger’s previous film ‘BARBARIAN’.
🔗: maybrookmissing.com
The website also teases a connection to Cregger’s previous film ‘BARBARIAN’.
🔗: maybrookmissing.com
April 15, 2025 at 9:25 AM
HELL 👏🏻 YES 👏🏻 A 👏🏻 R 👏🏻 G 👏🏻 WEB 👏🏻 SITE 👏🏻 FOR 👏🏻 A 👏🏻 FILM 👏🏻 I 👏🏻 WAS 👏🏻 AL 👏🏻 REA 👏🏻 DY 👏🏻 PUMPED 👏🏻 FOR 👏🏻
The fun thing about me trying to become a ‘Nu-Metal video Essayist’ is that I get to call the four times I listened to the Breaking Benjamin song from Halo 2 today ‘research’
April 4, 2025 at 8:34 AM
The fun thing about me trying to become a ‘Nu-Metal video Essayist’ is that I get to call the four times I listened to the Breaking Benjamin song from Halo 2 today ‘research’
I post exclusively about Limp Bizkit now.
March 21, 2025 at 11:41 AM
I post exclusively about Limp Bizkit now.