Author | Lightnews

brainplan

@brainplan.bsky.social

200 followers 530 following 2.4K posts

Phillies, Lifetime movie, Cop Rock, discontinued McDonald’s menu items/ad campaigns enthusiast. But we don’t have to talk about any of that, we can talk about your things, whatever.

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brainplan @brainplan.bsky.social · 19h

just muted an account I don’t even follow for an extremely bad (if trivial) take who then decided to double down on the bad take with condescension and that’s a nope for me, bye loser

brainplan @brainplan.bsky.social · 20h

a two circle Venn diagram

the circle at L is labeled “elite MLB starting pitcher”

the circle at R is labeled “looks like a character from that Shane Gillis Netflix sitcom”

the sliver of overlapping circles is labeled “Blake Snell”

brainplan @brainplan.bsky.social · 21h

what I immediately think every time I see Freddie Freeman without a cap or batting helmet on

screenshot of Johnny Unitas on The Simpsons, the “now there’s a haircut you could set your watch to” scene

brainplan @brainplan.bsky.social · 23h

“he is not so super now, is he, Mr. Bond…your Grover…

…but rest assured his flesh and his fur will be put to good use, providing warmth throughout the long winter months ahead…”

an evil man wearing the flayed skin and fur of the upper half of Grover’s head as a hat

brainplan @brainplan.bsky.social · 1d

when I wake up in what I think is the middle of the night but it’s actually 12 minutes before my alarm is set to go off

Joe Biden giving a speech; the closed captioning says “it was like fifteen 9/11s.”

brainplan @brainplan.bsky.social · 1d

when I wake up in the middle of the night for no apparent reason and then fall out of bed

closeup of Joe Biden’s face, from when he was giving a speech but looked like he had just been awakened from an unexpectedly long nap

closeup of Joe Biden’s face, from when he was giving a speech but looked like he had just been awakened from an unexpectedly long nap, rotated 45 degrees so it looks like he’s lying down

closeup of Joe Biden’s face, from when he was giving a speech but looked like he had just been awakened from an unexpectedly long nap, rotated another 45 degrees so it looks like he’s upside down

brainplan @brainplan.bsky.social · 1d

when I wake up in the middle of the night for no apparent reason and then lie down again but can’t get back to sleep right away

closeup of Joe Biden’s face, from when he was giving a speech but looked like he had just been awakened from an unexpectedly long nap but rotated 45 degrees so it looks like he’s lying down

brainplan @brainplan.bsky.social · 1d

based on just the lyrics, the universal response to Taxman should have been “aw, shut up, George Harrison, ‘waaa, boo hoo it’s tough being rich and famous,’ grow up, man” but then you add the music and it’s like “ok, that riff is sick and this is catchy af, I’ll allow it”

brainplan @brainplan.bsky.social · 1d

and to be clear, they’re good weed songs

sometimes weed inspired music is the worst doodleoodleoo jam band guitar noodling that goes nowhere for like an entire hour, sometimes it’s And Your Bird Can Sing

brainplan @brainplan.bsky.social · 1d

Revolver rules, George Harrison like “here’s an absolute banger about how unfair it is when you get rich and have to pay more taxes,” Eleanor Rigby, and then a dozen songs inspired to varying degrees by “we love weed”

brainplan @brainplan.bsky.social · 1d

“quit stalling what’s the PLAN?!!?”

brainplan @brainplan.bsky.social · 2d

Jefferson/Willis up near the top of the all time sitcom frenemies list

Sitcom People @sitcompeople.bsky.social · 2d

brainplan @brainplan.bsky.social · 2d

as a Phils fan I was always torn about “Joe Blanton and The Four Aces”

on the one hand, seemed disrespectful to Blanton to refer to him as separate from the “Aces” but on the other hand, Joe Blanton and The Four Aces sounds like the name of some long lost 1950s doo wop group so I’ll allow it

Remember Some Guys @remembersomeguys.bsky.social · 2d

Joe Blanton
Pitcher
Debut: 2004 - Retired: 2017
LAD - PIT - WSN - OAK - ANA - PHI - KCR

Joe Blanton at baseball-reference.com

Career stats of Joe Blanton

baseball-reference.com

brainplan @brainplan.bsky.social · 2d

“the thing I appreciate about us potato chips is we’re the snack that’s not a mystery, you take one look at us and you know we all started with sliced up 100% real potatoes and nothing else, amirite”

brainplan @brainplan.bsky.social · 2d

the shape of baked lay’s is very funny, all “how do you do, fellow potato chips?”

my right hand, holding up a very natural looking baked lay’s “potato chip”

brainplan @brainplan.bsky.social · 2d

cool thing about naming your band after a continent is if you’re the lead singer of Europe and you say “I’m the lead singer of Europe” it sounds like a position you were elected to, they held a continent-wide vote and the majority thought you were the best singer out of all the candidates

brainplan @brainplan.bsky.social · 2d

lol

Kash Patel, rocking an FBI windbreaker and his now (in)famous resting “I am in over my fucking head so much I can’t even breathe” face

brainplan @brainplan.bsky.social · 2d

[lead singer of Europe voice]

it’s the

screenshot yoinked from the gumby screenshots twitter account a few years ago, title frame that reads HAUNTED HOT DOG

brainplan @brainplan.bsky.social · 2d

lmao, that rules

brainplan @brainplan.bsky.social · 2d

not sure why a pic of Sammy Hagar was included in this post but ok, Music News Live

social media post from Music News Live with headline “Illinois man arrested after allegedly impersonating Sammy Hagar”

and the pic included is definitely Sammy Hagar, weird

brainplan @brainplan.bsky.social · 3d

QUOTE OF THE DAY:

“goddammit” -me, earlier today when I realized it is Wednesday and not Thursday

brainplan @brainplan.bsky.social · 3d

was crying laughing at the last one

brainplan @brainplan.bsky.social · 3d

these are all so fucking good but I really need that Phils cap

LuUuUuUuke Knox 👻 @lukeknox.me · 3d

these should all be mass-produced. every single one.

2 2

brainplan @brainplan.bsky.social · 4d

we’re not doing #RockOnTuesday anymore, so no need to rock on today

is what I would write if it was opposite day but it’s not so you know what to do

extremely low res pic of Michael “Danny Romalotti” Damian that appears to be from the late 1980s/early 1990s

Damian’s rocking a black leather jacket with graphic tee underneath and his hair is teased out as fuck—think later seasons Stamos on Full House and you get the idea

in the upper left hand corner, black text reads #RockOnTuesday

brainplan @brainplan.bsky.social · 4d

my assumption was that the answer to “who among us” in this instance would’ve been “very few among us, thankfully, and we don’t associate with those very few and we hate them” but you learn something new every day, I guess