KalansPhantom 🍐🏴☠️🔞 🪢
@kalansphantomff.bsky.social
Pfp by Inkirtis. Banner by SailorsRuin A little insane, a little chaotic, the horny half of Hingeless and Horny. 3 Million words and counting of gay pirates on A03 https://archiveofourown.org/users/KalansPhantom/works
You've been kidnapped. The characters from the last TV show you watched are trying to rescue you. Who's coming to save you?
I mean 50/50
I mean 50/50
November 26, 2025 at 2:08 AM
You've been kidnapped. The characters from the last TV show you watched are trying to rescue you. Who's coming to save you?
I mean 50/50
I mean 50/50
Pick tomorrow's WIP! 🧎♂️🍐 🪶
November 26, 2025 at 1:51 AM
Pick tomorrow's WIP! 🧎♂️🍐 🪶
Our pistol shrimp is cleaning house. Very vital work.
November 26, 2025 at 1:50 AM
Our pistol shrimp is cleaning house. Very vital work.
One of my favorites, I think I'm due for a reread actually!
#TakeTwoTuesday for Midnights at the Revenge, which I’m rereading to do a final little sequel. Please enjoy some angsty fake dating-to pining while fucking-to exes-to lovers. 🌃
If you’re new to it, the first two parts together are one compete story.
#OFMDfanfic
If you’re new to it, the first two parts together are one compete story.
#OFMDfanfic
Midnights at the Revenge is 147k across both parts, rated E, and features fake dating, sorta enemies to lovers, then exes back to lovers, and all kinds of other craziness. The two existing parts are one complete story - happy ending part 2
archiveofourown.org/series/4082644
archiveofourown.org/series/4082644
November 25, 2025 at 1:51 PM
One of my favorites, I think I'm due for a reread actually!
🍐🍐 This weekend hopefully.
November 25, 2025 at 1:49 PM
🍐🍐 This weekend hopefully.
For #taketwotuesday have you thought about maybe having a good cry?
November 25, 2025 at 11:23 AM
For #taketwotuesday have you thought about maybe having a good cry?
Things I've learned today. Doing a CT scan and rhinoscopy to look for polyps/possible growth in a cat is only done in two places in Columbus.
The bill is over $5k. 🥲
This is your PSA, look into pet insurance if you are able. Even covering 50% of the cost is a HUGE relief right now.
The bill is over $5k. 🥲
This is your PSA, look into pet insurance if you are able. Even covering 50% of the cost is a HUGE relief right now.
November 25, 2025 at 2:12 AM
Things I've learned today. Doing a CT scan and rhinoscopy to look for polyps/possible growth in a cat is only done in two places in Columbus.
The bill is over $5k. 🥲
This is your PSA, look into pet insurance if you are able. Even covering 50% of the cost is a HUGE relief right now.
The bill is over $5k. 🥲
This is your PSA, look into pet insurance if you are able. Even covering 50% of the cost is a HUGE relief right now.
Nothing like it being 8:30 am and an earworm dumps into your brain so you'll be humming Bootylicious all day.
a man in a plaid shirt says " are you ready for this jelly " to a woman
ALT: a man in a plaid shirt says " are you ready for this jelly " to a woman
media.tenor.com
November 24, 2025 at 1:38 PM
Nothing like it being 8:30 am and an earworm dumps into your brain so you'll be humming Bootylicious all day.
Morning bump! The fic that I estimated would be 30k and closed out at a whopping 77k.
And now, @tresdem.bsky.social and I present our @ofmdbigbang.bsky.social Rewrite The Stars.
Jaded country music star Edward Teach thanks his lucky stars he's a beta, especially after meeting the most infuriating omega in the world--Stede Bonnet. archiveofourown.org/works/745578...
Jaded country music star Edward Teach thanks his lucky stars he's a beta, especially after meeting the most infuriating omega in the world--Stede Bonnet. archiveofourown.org/works/745578...
November 24, 2025 at 12:46 PM
Morning bump! The fic that I estimated would be 30k and closed out at a whopping 77k.
What fictional creature/villain traumatized you as a child
November 24, 2025 at 3:29 AM
What fictional creature/villain traumatized you as a child
And now, @tresdem.bsky.social and I present our @ofmdbigbang.bsky.social Rewrite The Stars.
Jaded country music star Edward Teach thanks his lucky stars he's a beta, especially after meeting the most infuriating omega in the world--Stede Bonnet. archiveofourown.org/works/745578...
Jaded country music star Edward Teach thanks his lucky stars he's a beta, especially after meeting the most infuriating omega in the world--Stede Bonnet. archiveofourown.org/works/745578...
November 24, 2025 at 2:06 AM
And now, @tresdem.bsky.social and I present our @ofmdbigbang.bsky.social Rewrite The Stars.
Jaded country music star Edward Teach thanks his lucky stars he's a beta, especially after meeting the most infuriating omega in the world--Stede Bonnet. archiveofourown.org/works/745578...
Jaded country music star Edward Teach thanks his lucky stars he's a beta, especially after meeting the most infuriating omega in the world--Stede Bonnet. archiveofourown.org/works/745578...
My Big Bang is happening later today. Who's doing last minute edits right up to the wire? This girl!
a countdown clock with the number 6 on it
ALT: a countdown clock with the number 6 on it
media.tenor.com
November 23, 2025 at 2:29 PM
My Big Bang is happening later today. Who's doing last minute edits right up to the wire? This girl!
Reposted by KalansPhantom 🍐🏴☠️🔞 🪢
hazbin hotel is proof that we should be cutting furries and theatre kids insanely large checks constantly
November 23, 2025 at 12:53 AM
hazbin hotel is proof that we should be cutting furries and theatre kids insanely large checks constantly
Every time I see the "Eventual Happy Ending" tag. XD
November 23, 2025 at 1:16 PM
Every time I see the "Eventual Happy Ending" tag. XD
A movie that takes place where you’re from.
November 23, 2025 at 12:00 PM
A movie that takes place where you’re from.
Have we started a class action lawsuit against @smallestchurch.bsky.social for the lingering trauma hearing this song now causes all of us?
I was doing SO well on getting stuff done and now I'm just blankly staring into the void like a WWI shell shock victim.
I was doing SO well on getting stuff done and now I'm just blankly staring into the void like a WWI shell shock victim.
November 23, 2025 at 2:00 AM
Have we started a class action lawsuit against @smallestchurch.bsky.social for the lingering trauma hearing this song now causes all of us?
I was doing SO well on getting stuff done and now I'm just blankly staring into the void like a WWI shell shock victim.
I was doing SO well on getting stuff done and now I'm just blankly staring into the void like a WWI shell shock victim.
Tonights Cards Against Humanity is going...interestingly.
November 23, 2025 at 1:05 AM
Tonights Cards Against Humanity is going...interestingly.
Damn it, Puck, that's Christ's orange! Where's Nana when you need her?
November 22, 2025 at 10:36 PM
Damn it, Puck, that's Christ's orange! Where's Nana when you need her?
Cards Against Humanity tonight at 7pm EST! We'll be combining OFMD with What We Do In The Shadows! discord.gg/nzdu3F5Z
a man with a beard says i did n't come here to make friends .
ALT: a man with a beard says i did n't come here to make friends .
media.tenor.com
November 22, 2025 at 9:33 PM
Cards Against Humanity tonight at 7pm EST! We'll be combining OFMD with What We Do In The Shadows! discord.gg/nzdu3F5Z
Reposted by KalansPhantom 🍐🏴☠️🔞 🪢
November 22, 2025 at 9:26 PM
Wife: We need to replace the lighted deer for Christmas, can you find another.
Me: Okay, listen, I need you to be really open minded about what a deer is....
Me: Okay, listen, I need you to be really open minded about what a deer is....
November 22, 2025 at 8:33 PM
Wife: We need to replace the lighted deer for Christmas, can you find another.
Me: Okay, listen, I need you to be really open minded about what a deer is....
Me: Okay, listen, I need you to be really open minded about what a deer is....
Happy grey sweatpants season to those that celebrate.
November 22, 2025 at 7:01 PM
Happy grey sweatpants season to those that celebrate.
Rewrite The Stars goes live TOMORROW. Another sneaky peek and a formal apology to @tresdem.bsky.social for the amount of beard pictures she's had to do of Ed with full giant beard. XD
November 22, 2025 at 6:50 PM
Rewrite The Stars goes live TOMORROW. Another sneaky peek and a formal apology to @tresdem.bsky.social for the amount of beard pictures she's had to do of Ed with full giant beard. XD
Do your pets have a middle name for when they're misbehaving? If so share them!
Puck is so awful he has two.
Puck Montgomery Bixby
Also:
Piper Anne
Remington Alexander
Sparrow Matthew
Puck is so awful he has two.
Puck Montgomery Bixby
Also:
Piper Anne
Remington Alexander
Sparrow Matthew
November 22, 2025 at 5:43 PM
Do your pets have a middle name for when they're misbehaving? If so share them!
Puck is so awful he has two.
Puck Montgomery Bixby
Also:
Piper Anne
Remington Alexander
Sparrow Matthew
Puck is so awful he has two.
Puck Montgomery Bixby
Also:
Piper Anne
Remington Alexander
Sparrow Matthew