Jared
@strollershark.bsky.social
Middle-Manager/Aspiring Comedian
Got some real bad news for you Senator…
Sen. Kennedy: "Invading Greenland would be weapons grade stupid. Now, President Trump is not weapons grade stupid."
January 7, 2026 at 11:58 PM
Got some real bad news for you Senator…
Reposted by Jared
This year I’m going to be kinder, more positive, work harder, and put more faith in myself until the very first minor obstacle throws me off for the next 350+ days
January 1, 2026 at 5:13 PM
This year I’m going to be kinder, more positive, work harder, and put more faith in myself until the very first minor obstacle throws me off for the next 350+ days
Reposted by Jared
Trump is giving his Pettysburg Address.
December 18, 2025 at 2:27 AM
Trump is giving his Pettysburg Address.
The Chair Company feels like a David Lynch directed comedy.
December 4, 2025 at 5:11 AM
The Chair Company feels like a David Lynch directed comedy.
I too believe Republicans do their best work when doing absolutely nothing.
Mike Johnson claims House Republicans did "some of the best work of their careers" during the govt shutdown
November 18, 2025 at 1:54 AM
I too believe Republicans do their best work when doing absolutely nothing.
Came across a 4th or 5th gen iPhone in a drawer and my kids are acting like I just brought home a full brontosaurus skeleton.
They’re just huddled around it staring.
They’re just huddled around it staring.
November 15, 2025 at 8:39 PM
Came across a 4th or 5th gen iPhone in a drawer and my kids are acting like I just brought home a full brontosaurus skeleton.
They’re just huddled around it staring.
They’re just huddled around it staring.
Is this a question people are asking?
Why Isn’t Pennywise in The Running Man? It's more complicated than you might think... bit.ly/4a04Vvk
November 15, 2025 at 3:39 PM
Is this a question people are asking?
Hey Amazon, maybe don’t show a commercial with a demon vomiting blood into someone’s mouth while I’m trying to watch football with my kids. That’d be great.
November 14, 2025 at 3:29 AM
Hey Amazon, maybe don’t show a commercial with a demon vomiting blood into someone’s mouth while I’m trying to watch football with my kids. That’d be great.
Reposted by Jared
those of you who are afraid of aging, please understand that one of the huge blessings of middle age is arriving at this exact station
We gotta normalize responding to bullshit with "dude who fucking cares"
October 30, 2025 at 12:44 AM
those of you who are afraid of aging, please understand that one of the huge blessings of middle age is arriving at this exact station
Metaphor is a little too on-the-nose for me.
a live look at the demolition of the White House's East Wing for Trump's ballroom
October 22, 2025 at 7:23 PM
Metaphor is a little too on-the-nose for me.
They say not to shit where you eat, which is why I only go number one in public restrooms.
September 7, 2025 at 3:23 AM
They say not to shit where you eat, which is why I only go number one in public restrooms.
Reposted by Jared
Reposted by Jared
Here's my argument about AI that's distilled down about as much as I can: if it was good for me, my boss wouldn't want me to use it so bad.
July 19, 2025 at 12:48 AM
Here's my argument about AI that's distilled down about as much as I can: if it was good for me, my boss wouldn't want me to use it so bad.
The media is happy to report on the Virgin Mary showing up in toast, but when Gallagher shows up in my waffles it’s nothing but silence.
July 9, 2025 at 12:03 AM
The media is happy to report on the Virgin Mary showing up in toast, but when Gallagher shows up in my waffles it’s nothing but silence.
Reposted by Jared
no one came to a grown man's GI Joe themed birthday party and that's somehow funny to you??
June 14, 2025 at 11:06 PM
no one came to a grown man's GI Joe themed birthday party and that's somehow funny to you??
In the summer of 2003, at a small diner in Moose, Wyoming, I exited as Puck from the Real World San Francisco was entering.
Right folks. Feeling rather down at the moment so bringing back an oldie
Please Quote this with your most minor celebrity interaction
Please Quote this with your most minor celebrity interaction
June 14, 2025 at 4:35 AM
In the summer of 2003, at a small diner in Moose, Wyoming, I exited as Puck from the Real World San Francisco was entering.
High school choir concerts are great if you love overly-enunciated versions of pop songs.
May 13, 2025 at 3:46 AM
High school choir concerts are great if you love overly-enunciated versions of pop songs.
Reposted by Jared
if i text you this just know you’re cooked
February 10, 2025 at 1:43 AM
if i text you this just know you’re cooked
Reposted by Jared
y'all ever see a take so bad you are forced to immediately go to sleep?
February 5, 2025 at 3:28 AM
y'all ever see a take so bad you are forced to immediately go to sleep?
I look forward to the day we talk about AI the way we talk about 3D TVs.
January 11, 2025 at 1:25 AM
I look forward to the day we talk about AI the way we talk about 3D TVs.
Reposted by Jared
Apparently, anxiety increases your risk for dementia, so that’s one more thing for me to worry about.
November 20, 2024 at 2:48 AM
Apparently, anxiety increases your risk for dementia, so that’s one more thing for me to worry about.