jordan
@zuhanden.bsky.social
I found this really sick black metal band on Tidal but I can't google them because their name is spelled with Nordic runes that aren't on my keyboard.
December 22, 2025 at 3:02 AM
I found this really sick black metal band on Tidal but I can't google them because their name is spelled with Nordic runes that aren't on my keyboard.
me: *googles Who Was Da President 1996*
AI response: In the 1996 film Independence Day, Ernest Borgnine stars as President Will Smith
me: holy shit….
AI response: In the 1996 film Independence Day, Ernest Borgnine stars as President Will Smith
me: holy shit….
HUGE NEWS from the new Epstein files:
Records show that Maria Farmer, who worked for Epstein, filed a "child pornography" report to the FBI in 1996.
The FBI has never before acknowledged that complaint. The case went nowhere, and mass abuse followed.
www.nytimes.com/2025/12/19/u...
Records show that Maria Farmer, who worked for Epstein, filed a "child pornography" report to the FBI in 1996.
The FBI has never before acknowledged that complaint. The case went nowhere, and mass abuse followed.
www.nytimes.com/2025/12/19/u...
Epstein Files Include 1996 Child Porn Complaint That F.B.I. Ignored
www.nytimes.com
December 20, 2025 at 3:50 AM
me: *googles Who Was Da President 1996*
AI response: In the 1996 film Independence Day, Ernest Borgnine stars as President Will Smith
me: holy shit….
AI response: In the 1996 film Independence Day, Ernest Borgnine stars as President Will Smith
me: holy shit….
I was heading out of my parents' house earlier and my dad asked "are you going to the library to do work?" I said "No, I'm gonna work at Panera.... which is a veritable library of flavors." Long story short I should be euthanized.
December 17, 2025 at 7:21 PM
I was heading out of my parents' house earlier and my dad asked "are you going to the library to do work?" I said "No, I'm gonna work at Panera.... which is a veritable library of flavors." Long story short I should be euthanized.
I know I'm late to this meme but I finally figured it out. My Roman Empire. The thing I think about at least 3x a day. It's when this Indian guy I used to know told me that he had an allergic reaction to bananas so severe that he would go into anaphylactic shock if he even saw one from a distance.
December 16, 2025 at 6:04 PM
I know I'm late to this meme but I finally figured it out. My Roman Empire. The thing I think about at least 3x a day. It's when this Indian guy I used to know told me that he had an allergic reaction to bananas so severe that he would go into anaphylactic shock if he even saw one from a distance.
Reposted by jordan
Reposted by jordan
To anyone who’s not really familiar with the goofy Santa lore, the songs must sound like, “Love this huge guy, hiding in the pipes. Giant god in my house, he wants his bisque. And he’s kissing my family, he’s kissing my family. Is he supposed to?”
December 8, 2025 at 1:16 AM
To anyone who’s not really familiar with the goofy Santa lore, the songs must sound like, “Love this huge guy, hiding in the pipes. Giant god in my house, he wants his bisque. And he’s kissing my family, he’s kissing my family. Is he supposed to?”
I hope I’m never in a situation where I have to use the word “sluice” because I don’t know how to pronounce it and honestly don’t really know what it means. It’s like some shit about water I guess. Don’t care. If you tell me I will block you
December 8, 2025 at 1:35 AM
I hope I’m never in a situation where I have to use the word “sluice” because I don’t know how to pronounce it and honestly don’t really know what it means. It’s like some shit about water I guess. Don’t care. If you tell me I will block you
My fav iPhone feature is how it shows you all the timers you’ve set recently. Feels good to reminisce….
November 22, 2025 at 5:00 PM
My fav iPhone feature is how it shows you all the timers you’ve set recently. Feels good to reminisce….
I never really got the whole antisemitic "Jews are Christ-killers" thing because didn't he come back three days later anyway? Like.. sorry we made him reschedule a few things??
November 20, 2025 at 7:10 PM
I never really got the whole antisemitic "Jews are Christ-killers" thing because didn't he come back three days later anyway? Like.. sorry we made him reschedule a few things??
I’ve always known that the guitarist for the band Boston lives in the town next to my hometown (I recorded an EP in his basement when I was 12 - long story). But I just learned that the bassist for Boston lives a few blocks away from him and they haven’t spoken in years.
November 20, 2025 at 7:09 PM
I’ve always known that the guitarist for the band Boston lives in the town next to my hometown (I recorded an EP in his basement when I was 12 - long story). But I just learned that the bassist for Boston lives a few blocks away from him and they haven’t spoken in years.
Reposted by jordan
Larry Summers Announces He Will Step Down From Chair With Belt Around Neck
November 19, 2025 at 9:26 PM
Larry Summers Announces He Will Step Down From Chair With Belt Around Neck
Reposted by jordan
Friend 1: I’m thinking of getting a tattoo of Black Phillip
Friend 2: Oh I actually got to meet the goat who played Black Phillip
Friend 1: What! How amaz—
Me, trying to one-up them: Black Phillip head butted me and broke my tailbone. Huge insurance payout. He probably won’t be in any more movies
Friend 2: Oh I actually got to meet the goat who played Black Phillip
Friend 1: What! How amaz—
Me, trying to one-up them: Black Phillip head butted me and broke my tailbone. Huge insurance payout. He probably won’t be in any more movies
February 24, 2025 at 12:49 AM
Friend 1: I’m thinking of getting a tattoo of Black Phillip
Friend 2: Oh I actually got to meet the goat who played Black Phillip
Friend 1: What! How amaz—
Me, trying to one-up them: Black Phillip head butted me and broke my tailbone. Huge insurance payout. He probably won’t be in any more movies
Friend 2: Oh I actually got to meet the goat who played Black Phillip
Friend 1: What! How amaz—
Me, trying to one-up them: Black Phillip head butted me and broke my tailbone. Huge insurance payout. He probably won’t be in any more movies
Let’s skip the small talk. I want to talk about the deep shit. Nature, the universe, how did we get here, is this all a simulation, why do we drive on a parkway and park on a driveway, why is Rhode Island neither a road nor an island, why is a peanut neither a pea nor a nut, etc.
November 20, 2025 at 1:36 AM
Let’s skip the small talk. I want to talk about the deep shit. Nature, the universe, how did we get here, is this all a simulation, why do we drive on a parkway and park on a driveway, why is Rhode Island neither a road nor an island, why is a peanut neither a pea nor a nut, etc.
Reposted by jordan
I think the word you’re looking for is “kept”
Elon Musk’s foundation gave away a record $474 million in 2024, with the vast majority again going to entities he controls
Elon Musk Gave Away $474 Million in 2024, Mostly to Entities He Controls
Elon Musk’s foundation gave away a record $474 million in 2024, with the vast majority again going to entities he controls.
bloom.bg
November 19, 2025 at 2:14 AM
I think the word you’re looking for is “kept”
I have never needed anything so much in my life. This would fix all of my problems instantly
November 14, 2025 at 9:58 PM
I have never needed anything so much in my life. This would fix all of my problems instantly
Reposted by jordan
Kim Deal: The desert doesn’t know what you can’t tell. Don’t know your wrist from water in a wishing well.
Black Francis: My penis hurts. My butt is full of dirts.
Black Francis: My penis hurts. My butt is full of dirts.
December 4, 2024 at 2:14 PM
Kim Deal: The desert doesn’t know what you can’t tell. Don’t know your wrist from water in a wishing well.
Black Francis: My penis hurts. My butt is full of dirts.
Black Francis: My penis hurts. My butt is full of dirts.
Incredible list all around but I specifically think Nathan Fielder should do a season that somehow revolves around Freddie DeBoer and a large group of actors rehearsing to be him.
November 7, 2025 at 7:03 PM
Incredible list all around but I specifically think Nathan Fielder should do a season that somehow revolves around Freddie DeBoer and a large group of actors rehearsing to be him.
That is the most inexplicable pizza I have ever seen. I'm going to be thinking about it for the rest of my life.
Pizza 13; 13 Bd Nelson Madiba Mandela, Cayenne 97300, French Guiana https://www.google.com/maps/search/?api=1&query=4.942113%2C-52.32702399999999&query_place_id=ChIJgYKPyy09Eo0RO2IwrCmih6A
October 27, 2025 at 4:40 AM
That is the most inexplicable pizza I have ever seen. I'm going to be thinking about it for the rest of my life.
Reposted by jordan
The Dan Ryan Expressway, by Wesley Willis
American, 1963-2003
1986
More info: https://www.artic.edu/artworks/204579
American, 1963-2003
1986
More info: https://www.artic.edu/artworks/204579
October 23, 2025 at 6:20 PM
The Dan Ryan Expressway, by Wesley Willis
American, 1963-2003
1986
More info: https://www.artic.edu/artworks/204579
American, 1963-2003
1986
More info: https://www.artic.edu/artworks/204579
I had to get a USB-C cable and could have ordered one on Amazon to get the best price but shopping local is important to me so I went to Staples.
October 23, 2025 at 4:06 PM
I had to get a USB-C cable and could have ordered one on Amazon to get the best price but shopping local is important to me so I went to Staples.
getting upset thinking about how Ezra Klein was probably a swing revival guy in high school
October 13, 2025 at 11:46 PM
getting upset thinking about how Ezra Klein was probably a swing revival guy in high school
Reposted by jordan
here's a a special post just for music lovers:
🎼🎵🎶🎵🎶🎵🎶🎵🎶
🎹🎵🎶🎵🎶🎵🎶🎵🎶
🎻🎵🎶🎵🎶🎵🎶🎵🎶
📻🎵🎶🎵🎶🎵🎶🎵🎶
🎼🎵🎶🎵🎶🎵🎶🎵🎶
🎹🎵🎶🎵🎶🎵🎶🎵🎶
🎻🎵🎶🎵🎶🎵🎶🎵🎶
📻🎵🎶🎵🎶🎵🎶🎵🎶
September 23, 2025 at 1:18 AM
here's a a special post just for music lovers:
🎼🎵🎶🎵🎶🎵🎶🎵🎶
🎹🎵🎶🎵🎶🎵🎶🎵🎶
🎻🎵🎶🎵🎶🎵🎶🎵🎶
📻🎵🎶🎵🎶🎵🎶🎵🎶
🎼🎵🎶🎵🎶🎵🎶🎵🎶
🎹🎵🎶🎵🎶🎵🎶🎵🎶
🎻🎵🎶🎵🎶🎵🎶🎵🎶
📻🎵🎶🎵🎶🎵🎶🎵🎶
Reposted by jordan
at the Subculture Reveal Party and the parents are about to cut the cake .. annnd... it's full of .. trumpets. fuck. fuck! the baby is Ska
September 19, 2025 at 2:28 AM
at the Subculture Reveal Party and the parents are about to cut the cake .. annnd... it's full of .. trumpets. fuck. fuck! the baby is Ska
I love that Pink Floyd album The Piper at the Gates of the Dawn. It's too bad it was their only one because they all died in a plane crash in 1968.
September 16, 2025 at 12:14 AM
I love that Pink Floyd album The Piper at the Gates of the Dawn. It's too bad it was their only one because they all died in a plane crash in 1968.
Hanukkah is only three months away and if one of you doesn't get this for me, I will call the ADL to report that you are doing anti-semitism to me.
September 15, 2025 at 7:04 PM
Hanukkah is only three months away and if one of you doesn't get this for me, I will call the ADL to report that you are doing anti-semitism to me.