CMj
@cmjohnson.bsky.social
Full Time grocery store service clerk. Part Time dreamer. Tall, but not dark or particularly handsome. Drinks Diet Dr. Pepper.
And they say Print is Dead
I would rather walk in on my parents watching porno than catch them reading this
December 20, 2025 at 12:19 AM
And they say Print is Dead
Reposted by CMj
Tax these churches immediately.
Prestonwood Baptist Church in Plano, Texas...$70 per ticket.
December 20, 2025 at 12:01 AM
Tax these churches immediately.
Should I make a whole chainmail jester look??
YouTube video by Megan Ciafre
youtube.com
December 19, 2025 at 1:10 AM
Reposted by CMj
Buddy, this could be about a lot of shit.
December 11, 2025 at 2:59 AM
Buddy, this could be about a lot of shit.
Reposted by CMj
A little preliminary sketch for this year's Christmas card
December 8, 2025 at 5:57 AM
A little preliminary sketch for this year's Christmas card
Imagine seeing The Godfather III and Black Phone II in the same theater, in the same week
December 7, 2025 at 12:12 AM
Imagine seeing The Godfather III and Black Phone II in the same theater, in the same week
Reposted by CMj
people like Sabrina Carpenter saying essentially "decent people don't want the stench of ICE or this White House anywhere near them" to an audience of millions that includes a lot of young people helps empower them against ICE while reminding ICE agents that everyone hates them, both big wins
look deleting the post is obviously stopping the actual ICE raids but every single bit of pushback matters bsky.app/profile/airb...
Sabrina Carpenter made the White House delete their fuck ass tweet.
December 5, 2025 at 9:14 PM
people like Sabrina Carpenter saying essentially "decent people don't want the stench of ICE or this White House anywhere near them" to an audience of millions that includes a lot of young people helps empower them against ICE while reminding ICE agents that everyone hates them, both big wins
Reposted by CMj
has anyone else noticed that food tasted better in the past? it was mushy and easy to eat. and the spoon would come at you like an airplane
December 5, 2025 at 9:38 PM
has anyone else noticed that food tasted better in the past? it was mushy and easy to eat. and the spoon would come at you like an airplane
Eating chicken
-Raising Canes
-Raising Canes
December 5, 2025 at 4:41 PM
Eating chicken
-Raising Canes
-Raising Canes
Reposted by CMj
Hey all,
The Onion is accepting applicants for our writing, video and graphics fellowships.
Fellowships last six months, pay well, and provide full benefits.
You can apply at theonion.com/fellowship.
The Onion is accepting applicants for our writing, video and graphics fellowships.
Fellowships last six months, pay well, and provide full benefits.
You can apply at theonion.com/fellowship.
Fellowship
theonion.com
December 3, 2025 at 9:26 PM
Hey all,
The Onion is accepting applicants for our writing, video and graphics fellowships.
Fellowships last six months, pay well, and provide full benefits.
You can apply at theonion.com/fellowship.
The Onion is accepting applicants for our writing, video and graphics fellowships.
Fellowships last six months, pay well, and provide full benefits.
You can apply at theonion.com/fellowship.
Reposted by CMj
i was in the top 0.02% of his listeners this year
December 3, 2025 at 9:32 PM
i was in the top 0.02% of his listeners this year
Reposted by CMj
Looking for past Garfield Macy's balloons. Found a new reaction image
November 27, 2025 at 6:36 PM
Looking for past Garfield Macy's balloons. Found a new reaction image
*snacking*
They call them Oyster Crackers, but they don't taste like oysters
They call them Oyster Crackers, but they don't taste like oysters
November 20, 2025 at 1:02 AM
*snacking*
They call them Oyster Crackers, but they don't taste like oysters
They call them Oyster Crackers, but they don't taste like oysters
Now I have the urge to make a Bacon, Lettuce, and grapes sandwich
Her: What are you thinking?
Me: Tomatoes are technically a fruit, but people call them vegetables so they don't have to compete with grapes.
Me: Tomatoes are technically a fruit, but people call them vegetables so they don't have to compete with grapes.
November 19, 2025 at 3:24 PM
Now I have the urge to make a Bacon, Lettuce, and grapes sandwich
Waiting for Shark Boy to return to wrestling as "Hunky Werewolf" so Taylor Lautner can sue him right back
November 17, 2025 at 1:47 AM
Waiting for Shark Boy to return to wrestling as "Hunky Werewolf" so Taylor Lautner can sue him right back
Her: What are you thinking?
Me: Tomatoes are technically a fruit, but people call them vegetables so they don't have to compete with grapes.
Me: Tomatoes are technically a fruit, but people call them vegetables so they don't have to compete with grapes.
November 17, 2025 at 12:36 AM
Her: What are you thinking?
Me: Tomatoes are technically a fruit, but people call them vegetables so they don't have to compete with grapes.
Me: Tomatoes are technically a fruit, but people call them vegetables so they don't have to compete with grapes.
Reposted by CMj
THE
WELL-AIMED BRICK
DOES THE TRICK
WELL-AIMED BRICK
DOES THE TRICK
November 16, 2025 at 9:46 PM
THE
WELL-AIMED BRICK
DOES THE TRICK
WELL-AIMED BRICK
DOES THE TRICK
Reposted by CMj
Making THE INVISIBLE MAN… VISIBLE! 😜
November 13, 2025 at 9:10 PM
Making THE INVISIBLE MAN… VISIBLE! 😜
Reposted by CMj
Got a text from my sister, and she says my nephew would really like a Chess Set for Christmas.
Cool, cool, cool...
Friends, I don't play Chess.
Cool, cool, cool...
Friends, I don't play Chess.
November 13, 2025 at 3:34 PM
Got a text from my sister, and she says my nephew would really like a Chess Set for Christmas.
Cool, cool, cool...
Friends, I don't play Chess.
Cool, cool, cool...
Friends, I don't play Chess.
Reposted by CMj
soup as old as time
broth as old as rhyme
beauty and the bisque
broth as old as rhyme
beauty and the bisque
November 11, 2025 at 8:17 PM
soup as old as time
broth as old as rhyme
beauty and the bisque
broth as old as rhyme
beauty and the bisque
Reposted by CMj
Being kicked out of Vampire Club because I broke Rule One of Vampire Club:
"Don't talk about Edward Cullen."
BUT HE'S SO SHINY
"Don't talk about Edward Cullen."
BUT HE'S SO SHINY
November 7, 2025 at 3:20 AM
Being kicked out of Vampire Club because I broke Rule One of Vampire Club:
"Don't talk about Edward Cullen."
BUT HE'S SO SHINY
"Don't talk about Edward Cullen."
BUT HE'S SO SHINY